The Cookout

sourgrapes · 9/4/21

I am just going to say it like it is... People like Cardi B are nothing but hood rats with money. They make us women look bad and give dudes some kind of false perception of how women should be and act, especially in a relationship. Since this behavior went mainstream in music, I noticed a growing issue with valuable black men not only casting away black women but actually dating and marrying white women. Some will go for Asian or Hispanic women but they show some kind of distaste for black women, as if these hoes represent all of us. I am sick of being labeled as undatable or "not marriage material" because of them. I know a lot of black women will follow this behavior and act like this but that doesn't mean we are all like that. You don't see this with any other race either. You don't just assume all white girls are drinking Starbucks. Like damn.

lexodyssey · 9/4/21

I was just saying this about Cardi B yesterday. Everything lined up for her and she became who she is but deep down she's the girl from the hood who's only personality trait is that she's ratchet. Of course when she's the example in the media, other girls try to follow behind her and act the same way so it clouds the image for the rest of us. Black women already have to work hard to be respected and that just makes it all harder.

White girls do drink a lot of Starbucks though lol

Red Velvet · 9/4/21

sourgrapes said:
I am just going to say it like it is... People like Cardi B are nothing but hood rats with money. They make us women look bad and give dudes some kind of false perception of how women should be and act, especially in a relationship. Since this behavior went mainstream in music, I noticed a growing issue with valuable black men not only casting away black women but actually dating and marrying white women. Some will go for Asian or Hispanic women but they show some kind of distaste for black women, as if these hoes represent all of us. I am sick of being labeled as undatable or "not marriage material" because of them. I know a lot of black women will follow this behavior and act like this but that doesn't mean we are all like that. You don't see this with any other race either. You don't just assume all white girls are drinking Starbucks. Like damn.

I agree but our brothas are not dating other women because of ratchet culture, in my opinion. I honestly believe that many of us harbor too much masculinity energy and it drives our men away.

I’ve had times where I was alone with no help and career-driven, those time made me very masculine. I ruined quite a few relationships because I didn’t know how to take my foot off the gas and let my man drive.

We are taught that “we don’t need no man” and “we can do it all our own” while other cultures raise their girls to understand that THEY NEED A MAN.

Our men feel that energy and the constant battle between masculine energies and they leave. I’m not shifting blame because we have had to be masculine to hold down our communities, but that doesn’t mean it is the right course of action going forward.

Jay · 9/4/21

lexodyssey said:
I was just saying this about Cardi B yesterday. Everything lined up for her and she became who she is but deep down she's the girl from the hood who's only personality trait is that she's ratchet. Of course when she's the example in the media, other girls try to follow behind her and act the same way so it clouds the image for the rest of us. Black women already have to work hard to be respected and that just makes it all harder.

White girls do drink a lot of Starbucks though lol

Yeah the issue is that this country’s culture venerates money and so the more money you have, the more people put you on a pedestal.

To many, it’s impossible to be rich and stupid, rich and lazy, rich and trashy…if you’re rich you’re exalted and this causes problems when it comes to people like Cardi B because her money makes people not see her for the ghetto trashy hood rat that she is.

But on the flip side if she was broke people wouldn’t even look twice at her:::they’d look down on her.

Bruh Man · 9/4/21

part of this is black men’s fault because we haven’t been in the leadership position to check this behavior. we basically got replaced by white daddy via welfare and this is their ongoing efforts to destabilize the community. They pluck hoes like Meg the stallion and cardi b who will propagate the negative behaviors in exchange for fortune and fame

DaBeast · 9/4/21

We men know how to find the good and strong black women out there. I just think a lot of us men go for the easiest women at times, and often the easy ones are the crazy ones. I think that then pushes black men to try dating other races, because they think they will never find the perfect black woman out there.

As for Cardi B, was never a fan of hers to begin with. Didn't she drug men and steal their money too? But yeah, I can see her giving women a bad name. She already has a bad history on her side.

Caprice · 9/4/21

“They make us women look bad and give dudes some kind of false perception of how women should be and act, especially in a relationship”

Really? I wouldn’t want a man who looks to Cardi or any other rapper to determine how to treat me. There are PLENTY of great women and men out there. It’s a bit of a stretch to say black men are dating outside of their race because of Cardi and women who behave like her.Change your circles, changes where you’re going, change your mind, stop blaming music and tv, and you should be fine.

Sovereign · 9/4/21

DaBeast said:
We men know how to find the good and strong black women out there. I just think a lot of us men go for the easiest women at times, and often the easy ones are the crazy ones. I think that then pushes black men to try dating other races, because they think they will never find the perfect black woman out there.

As for Cardi B, was never a fan of hers to begin with. Didn't she drug men and steal their money too? But yeah, I can see her giving women a bad name. She already has a bad history on her side.

Sumtimes when you huntin you aint trying to go for the finest deer or gazelle sumtimes you wanna take it easy and get the deer with the broken leg or a rat. it's just right there, why not?

Jay · 9/4/21

Caprice said:
“They make us women look bad and give dudes some kind of false perception of how women should be and act, especially in a relationship”

Really? I wouldn’t want a man who looks to Cardi or any other rapper to determine how to treat me. There are PLENTY of great women and men out there. It’s a bit of a stretch to say black men are dating outside of their race because of Cardi and women who behave like her.Change your circles, changes where you’re going, change your mind, stop blaming music and tv, and you should be fine.

But one issue I can see is that it can infest the minds of the impressionable youth. Then they grow up with the false perception of women and what they want and need.

sourgrapes · 9/5/21

Red Velvet said:
I agree but our brothas are not dating other women because of ratchet culture, in my opinion. I honestly believe that many of us harbor too much masculinity energy and it drives our men away.

I’ve had times where I was alone with no help and career-driven, those time made me very masculine. I ruined quite a few relationships because I didn’t know how to take my foot off the gas and let my man drive.

We are taught that “we don’t need no man” and “we can do it all our own” while other cultures raise their girls to understand that THEY NEED A MAN.

Our men feel that energy and the constant battle between masculine energies and they leave. I’m not shifting blame because we have had to be masculine to hold down our communities, but that doesn’t mean it is the right course of action going forward.

That is a fair point, a lot of black women have high amounts of masculine energy and it can be a massive turnoff for a lot of dudes. I get that. I mean I can't stand seeing a woman walk, talk, and act like a man. Like yeah, you should be strong and don't let people walk all over you but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your feminity.

Red Velvet · 9/5/21

sourgrapes said:
That is a fair point, a lot of black women have high amounts of masculine energy and it can be a massive turnoff for a lot of dudes. I get that. I mean I can't stand seeing a woman walk, talk, and act like a man. Like yeah, you should be strong and don't let people walk all over you but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your feminity.

Yes. I think having my dad in the house and showing me the example of how a strong Black man protects and provides helped me build my femininity. Without that, I can see how a woman could feel like she has to live in her masculine energy to survive.

Caprice · 9/6/21

Jay said:
But one issue I can see is that it can infest the minds of the impressionable youth. Then they grow up with the false perception of women and what they want and need.

I grew up listening to Foxy Brown and Lil Kim and I came out just fine.

Jay · 9/6/21

Caprice said:
I grew up listening to Foxy Brown and Lil Kim and I came out just fine.

But is the exception always the rule? I grew up around nothing but Crips and came out fine...how many of my homies didn't? Almost all of them!

sourgrapes · 9/7/21

Red Velvet said:
Yes. I think having my dad in the house and showing me the example of how a strong Black man protects and provides helped me build my femininity. Without that, I can see how a woman could feel like she has to live in her masculine energy to survive.

Yeah, it makes a difference. Like they always say how important it is for a father figure to be in a household for a boy but it is just as important for a girl, in some cases even more important. Having a healthy relationship to witness as a child sets you up for forming healthy ones yourself as an adult later in life.

Lamont · 9/7/21

sourgrapes said:
Yeah, it makes a difference. Like they always say how important it is for a father figure to be in a household for a boy but it is just as important for a girl, in some cases even more important. Having a healthy relationship to witness as a child sets you up for forming healthy ones yourself as an adult later in life.

It is true. In my anecdotal experience, a girl needs her dad and a boy needs his mom. When any of those children are absent of that counter balance of love, they usually exhibit some signs of dysfunction or hurt.

lexodyssey · 9/7/21

Red Velvet said:
Yes. I think having my dad in the house and showing me the example of how a strong Black man protects and provides helped me build my femininity. Without that, I can see how a woman could feel like she has to live in her masculine energy to survive.

Yeah I agree. Growing up with a dad that is an example of how a father should be in the household is really fundamental for learning your role in the family. My mom is also really strong too so I feel like there was a good example of balance between the relationship dynamics.

Jay · 9/7/21

lexodyssey said:
Yeah I agree. Growing up with a dad that is an example of how a father should be in the household is really fundamental for learning your role in the family. My mom is also really strong too so I feel like there was a good example of balance between the relationship dynamics.

Yeah your mom really becomes clutch when you start moving into womanhood and get to really understand her. She can give you some real game on how to handle situations she's lived through already.

RichAfricanUncle · 9/8/21

don't fret. We'll always find our way to a good BW, problem is some of ya'll gotta stop letting your single friends influence your relationships. cmblankstare

RichAfricanUncle · 9/8/21

Caprice said:
I grew up listening to Foxy Brown and Lil Kim and I came out just fine.

how often do you cook your own meals?

just curious...

Caprice · 9/8/21

RichAfricanUncle said:
how often do you cook your own meals?

just curious...

Every other day. Why?

RichAfricanUncle · 9/8/21

Caprice said:
Every other day. Why?

'cause foxy brown and kim aren't exactly the type to promote domestication. figured you might be one of these microwave shordies....don't mind me.

Troy · 9/9/21

RichAfricanUncle said:
'cause foxy brown and kim aren't exactly the type to promote domestication. figured you might be one of these microwave shordies....don't mind me.

that shit was mad random at first.

I was like: lilboosiedigust

then I was like: denzelmynigga

Deleted member 1946 · 2/5/23

sourgrapes said:
I am just going to say it like it is... People like Cardi B are nothing but hood rats with money. They make us women look bad and give dudes some kind of false perception of how women should be and act, especially in a relationship. Since this behavior went mainstream in music, I noticed a growing issue with valuable black men not only casting away black women but actually dating and marrying white women. Some will go for Asian or Hispanic women but they show some kind of distaste for black women, as if these hoes represent all of us. I am sick of being labeled as undatable or "not marriage material" because of them. I know a lot of black women will follow this behavior and act like this but that doesn't mean we are all like that. You don't see this with any other race either. You don't just assume all white girls are drinking Starbucks. Like damn.

Of course. She is a hood rat with money. She still does the same thing that lower class women are stereotyped to do.

RCNAL · 2/5/23

The problems we see today from both genders of the black community is the end result of not just decades but centuries of systemic white supremacy targeting us in every conceivable way.

That said, some of us see it, and don't succumb to the traps they have laid. A huge number of us, the masses aren't so adept or agile. Black women are the only groups of women that are routinely used in the same sentence as 'strong' and we have now conflated that adjective to black women. The white record labels approve and push songs that say that.

Could Queen Latifah get a record contract today? Positives sold back then. She had a song U.N.I.T.Y and love songs were about love, the emotion, these days love songs are mostly about what you will do sexually to the person.

Regarding brothers. When walk around an area with a large number of blacks. I try to guestimate what percentage of black men appear to be thorough brothers and its low as hell. Most are just surviving and seemed beaten down by society. They just tryna survive the best they can.

I started seeing the stark differences in femininity or the lack thereof between American black women and elsewhere. I've been to Africa. The women there carry themselves way different. They have a few that are a little loud and ratchet but its the very, very poor ones that are older and in the markets. The young women by and large are far more feminine, low key and not loud unlike what I see in the states.

Look at old videos of Coretta Scot King, and the sista celebs from the '60s and prior, Lena Horne, and the rest. They exude class, femininity and an underlying strength. It's kinda rare these days. Those sistas get scooped up early, especially if they are reasonably attractive.
There are a ton of tik tok and youtube short videos of black girls being asked things such as "Tell me something your parents don't know?' or 'What have you never told your ex?' or other things and the answers are crazy as hell. Or just a level of ratchetness that is completely acceptnable. Things that no way in hell would be admitted to publicly 20 years ago. Worse yet, if you call them out you are labeled a hater. Women who call them out are being called a 'Pick me'.
Sh*t is crazy AF. I have personally heard some of the crazy azz sh*t that is mind boggling. We know the problem. So the solutions? It starts with the men. The more men we can get to have standards, the women have no choice but to conform.

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sourgrapes · 2/6/23

educatedman23 said:
Of course. She is a hood rat with money. She still does the same thing that lower class women are stereotyped to do.

And she is praised for it. They all are. They dress like they work at strip clubs and act like nothing more than sexual objects with mouth pieces but the younger girls and boys growing up see this and think it is normal behavior.

GwynShivers · 2/6/23

sourgrapes said:
And she is praised for it. They all are. They dress like they work at strip clubs and act like nothing more than sexual objects with mouth pieces but the younger girls and boys growing up see this and think it is normal behavior.

I showed my children movies of this kind of behavior, letting them know that this is NOT what real men want & the same for real women!
BE THE KINGS & QUEENS THAT YOU TRULY ARE! ✊🏽🤴🏾👸🏽✊🏽

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