I hear a lot of stories about people trying to make long distance work but I don't think I could personally do it. It seems to take a certain type of personality to even attempt it and even then I don't know that it works every time. That's just my opinion though - What do you think?
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Thoughts on long distance dating?
I did it, and we are married now. But my situation was totally different. It wasn’t long distance for a long time. I was able to fly in and visit pretty often… Got a job her way and moved. We weren’t really long distance that long.
I personally can’t do it, I like sex, back scratches, and physical intimacy too much and too often to make it workable. If a quickie requires a plane ride, that‘s too huge of a ”barrier to entry” for me to be happy in the relationship.
I once dated someone who lived 3 1/2 hours away from me by car and the benefit was you always miss each other and each engagement is like a honeymoon but it makes dating an event rather than you bonding with someone in normal day to day life.
With that said though, @Invincible1914 has a success story out of it which is refreshing. You never know where or when you’re going to find love and when you meet THE ONE you know it. His lady just made him shrimp and grits this morning.
I once dated someone who lived 3 1/2 hours away from me by car and the benefit was you always miss each other and each engagement is like a honeymoon but it makes dating an event rather than you bonding with someone in normal day to day life.
With that said though, @Invincible1914 has a success story out of it which is refreshing. You never know where or when you’re going to find love and when you meet THE ONE you know it. His lady just made him shrimp and grits this morning.
That's dope brodie. Unfortunately I've had one too many horror stories for me to try it again, and my dumbass prioritized them over women I had right under my nose smh.
I’ve been in a couple long-distance relationships and I’m not against them as long as there is a clear plan for when we are to close the distance. Until that is clear, I prefer to remain casual with little to no obligation between he and I.
That's awesome!
I tried it before and was never able to make it work. I think I could have been ok with it but I wasn't taken seriously so it ultimately fell apart.
D
Deleted member 1946
Guest
I dont think I could make it work either. It is too easy to cheat that way.
D
Deleted member 1946
Guest
Yep. I bet you were a side person to whomever you were dating.
A topic I have been very familiar with on a few occasions and I'll echo folks by saying generally speaking it doesn't work.
Factors that will determine its success:
* If you met by distance. Its almost a killer. Meaning you are from Atlanta and meet someone from St. Louis on line and you connected (emotionally, mentally) online. The first meet up is special, because of pent up feelings, etc. and he/she seems the one UNTIL you are around each other a while. If the other person is from a different culture or country, the chance it will eventually work out is almost none unless the person is desperate (green card, very poor country, etc) but it won't love on their part, it will be economics.
* How much face to face history prior? Related to number one. The more history you have together prior, the more it can work. You were HS sweethearts, He went into the military for a couple years and comes back. That works a lot. But it rarely works for whatever reason if you are both HS sweethearts and go to college at different schools not too close to each other. From 18 to 22 you become a new person mentally. You change a lot from about 14 to early 20s. How you were as a freshman in HS is different than how you were as a senior in some people small ways in some people alot.
* The age you are distant. If you dated while you are both mid 20s or later for a minute and one of you takes a job in another city, that can work as long as the time apart isn't too great. The longer the time apart the less it will likely to work.
I've tried it and it worked a couple times but generally no.
Factors that will determine its success:
* If you met by distance. Its almost a killer. Meaning you are from Atlanta and meet someone from St. Louis on line and you connected (emotionally, mentally) online. The first meet up is special, because of pent up feelings, etc. and he/she seems the one UNTIL you are around each other a while. If the other person is from a different culture or country, the chance it will eventually work out is almost none unless the person is desperate (green card, very poor country, etc) but it won't love on their part, it will be economics.
* How much face to face history prior? Related to number one. The more history you have together prior, the more it can work. You were HS sweethearts, He went into the military for a couple years and comes back. That works a lot. But it rarely works for whatever reason if you are both HS sweethearts and go to college at different schools not too close to each other. From 18 to 22 you become a new person mentally. You change a lot from about 14 to early 20s. How you were as a freshman in HS is different than how you were as a senior in some people small ways in some people alot.
* The age you are distant. If you dated while you are both mid 20s or later for a minute and one of you takes a job in another city, that can work as long as the time apart isn't too great. The longer the time apart the less it will likely to work.
I've tried it and it worked a couple times but generally no.
D
Deleted member 231
Guest
My day to day is absurdly busy, and I like having my space so long distance is my wheelhouse. I can do my day to day, and get jiggy on a 2-3-4 day weekend. Go back to my natural habitat, do my dizzle, and repeat. But I'm divorced and got a 3 year old, so I ain't looking for nothing serial....
D
Deleted member 1946
Guest
Likely so if a person is willing to do a long distance relationship.
D
Deleted member 1946
Guest
Great analysis. I love your first point that says thta economics will be a factor. That is so true. How many times do we see folks using somebody in the USA so they can get a green card to be here?
D
Deleted member 1946
Guest
Long distance dating takes hard work & commitment. If you're just dating this person to just kick it, then this isn't for you.
But if you know in your mind, heart, body & soul that you've found THE ONE & it's reciprocal, go for it.
Then plan to be united & start turning possibilities into reality. Put all cards on the table. Likes, dislikes, plans, goals, marriage, children, etc.
COMMUNICATION is key. NEVER make assumptions, discuss all matters. Keep disagreements civilized. It's okay to have opposite opinions.
Love each other during the bad times also. Search for solutions NOT problems & NO POINTING FINGERS or blaming each other, work that 💩out. You wouldn't have made this move if you didn't wholeheartedly want it. Always give each other your very best, at ALL times & ALWAYS include The Most High in all you do, you've got this! Remember who you truly are. Go forth & be great together & show the Black excellence we've ALL been blessed with! 🙏🏽❤️🤴🏾👸🏽❤️🙏🏽
But if you know in your mind, heart, body & soul that you've found THE ONE & it's reciprocal, go for it.
Then plan to be united & start turning possibilities into reality. Put all cards on the table. Likes, dislikes, plans, goals, marriage, children, etc.
COMMUNICATION is key. NEVER make assumptions, discuss all matters. Keep disagreements civilized. It's okay to have opposite opinions.
Love each other during the bad times also. Search for solutions NOT problems & NO POINTING FINGERS or blaming each other, work that 💩out. You wouldn't have made this move if you didn't wholeheartedly want it. Always give each other your very best, at ALL times & ALWAYS include The Most High in all you do, you've got this! Remember who you truly are. Go forth & be great together & show the Black excellence we've ALL been blessed with! 🙏🏽❤️🤴🏾👸🏽❤️🙏🏽
D
Deleted member 1946
Guest
Great points. There are some people who think that others are not supposed to disagree with them.