The Cookout

sourgrapes said:

I think most people have at least one family member that is nosy. They can't keep their beak out people's business. I have an auntie like this. She is always on my case every time I see her about who I am dating, when I am getting married, when I am having kids, buying a house, etc. and not even my own mom does this. It is annoying. I love the woman but I have been avoiding her lately cause I don't like to be rude but I also don't like getting asked a million questions and then told I am getting old and I need to do something. Like damn, I know.

How do you deal with nosy family members?

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When are you getting married?
Answer: As soon as you cut me my 38.2 million dollar check to plan it.(Note: this number is random when I use it) Weddings don't pay for themselves and since you're the only one stressing you must be the one with the money.

When are you having Kids?
Answer: as soon as you cut the 5 million dollar check it costs to raise one. (this number is accurate I think because inflation and whatnot but you can verify that with some research). Kids don't pay for themselves. And since you're so concerned about it, you must be the one with the money to care for it.

Who are you dating?
Answer: His name is Mineja Biness (then pronounce it 'Mind ya business')

They don't tend to come for you after setting the boundary that your every life detail is NOT their entitlement.

If they still come for me even with the answers I gave, then I say I tell you what, when MY bills come to YOUR address then you will have the security clearance for the information you're seeking. Until such time, I'm afraid you don't have the clearance.

sourgrapes said:

I think most people have at least one family member that is nosy. They can't keep their beak out people's business. I have an auntie like this. She is always on my case every time I see her about who I am dating, when I am getting married, when I am having kids, buying a house, etc. and not even my own mom does this. It is annoying. I love the woman but I have been avoiding her lately cause I don't like to be rude but I also don't like getting asked a million questions and then told I am getting old and I need to do something. Like damn, I know.

How do you deal with nosy family members?

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This is the answer:

HailCzr85 said:

They don't tend to come for you after setting the boundary that your every life detail is NOT their entitlement.

If they still come for me even with the answers I gave, then I say I tell you what, when MY bills come to YOUR address then you will have the security clearance for the information you're seeking. Until such time, I'm afraid you don't have the clearance.

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I had to draw a hard line in the sand girl and let people know that I'm not 17 anymore. I'm a grown woman and you have to deal with me as such or you will not deal with me at all. It fractured my relationship initially with two of my aunts but once they realized that they had to come with me with respect, they changed their behaviors and we were good again.

sourgrapes said:

So in order to get her to stop, I have to be a bit rude? I mean that makes sense otherwise she won't get the hint. I have tried to be subtle and she kept at it. I guess I need to just put up the fence and tell her to get on the other side of it.

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if being rude isn't your thing, then just be firm and state your boundaries. Tell her with respect that's none of her business and keep it moving. You can't expect people to respect you or you boundaries if you let them violate it at every turn just because you're concerned about hurting feelings. It's kind of like the saying "We're all good and grown here"

sourgrapes said:

I have done this in so many words but I feel like she just keeps pressing cause I don't yell at her like other family does. My own mom has bitten off her head over it. They didn't talk for almost an entire year cause they got into a heated argument over her not minding her own. I have a hard time being rude and don't like to be but at this point, getting a little rude might be the only solution.

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So then you already know who you're dealing with. Problem solved. She pulls this on you because she knows she can.

sourgrapes said:

Probably should have been able to figure out this on my own. Not a complex issue but I guess stepping back and letting others direct me is what I needed. Thanks for the help!

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Nah. When we're too close to a situation, it's hard to see the whole picture. I was a complete idiot about a situation not too long ago. I never should have gotten myself into that position, but I was too close to the issue to use my "right mind". I needed my bestie to help me get set straight. Happens to the best of us.

sourgrapes said:

Really she is being rude to me and doesn't see it as rude so at this point, if she gets mad or offended that will be on her. Funny how people think they can be a certain way but if others do the same to them, the world is ending.

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When you set boundaries with people they will get mad cuz you the one that switched up on them but who cares. We should put our comfort up for grabs cuz we scared to check someone.

Same here I have uncles who always on me and always ask me what you are doing and when are you settle and how you live your life without parents. Sometime I would avoid them and hardly face them and sometime my works speaks now.