The Cookout

Sapphire · 2/3/22

I am not one to judge but when it comes to my friends lowering their standards for love, I can't keep my mouth shut. I have to say something. A friend of mine is dating this dude who no joke, has $0 to his name. His car broke down last month and he has been using her's when he needs to get somewhere. She works full-time and babysits on the side and she is covering the costs for his broke self. She says she is in love. She says he is her world. Dude has been out of work for going on 3 months now and has ZERO motivation to get out there and find work. She deserves someone better than this imo.

How can I talk some sense into her when she is blinded by her emotions?

Red Velvet · 2/3/22

You will be unable to talk sense into her sis. A lot of women will let these type of guys drag them down to the pits of hell. Best thing you can do is state your $0.02 and set a firm boundary that you are not going to be her personal Iyanla Fix My Life when the effects of the magic stick wear off.

Jay · 2/3/22

Red Velvet said:
You will be unable to talk sense into her sis. A lot of women will let these type of guys drag them down to the pits of hell. Best thing you can do is state your $0.02 and set a firm boundary that you are not going to be her personal Iyanla Fix My Life when the effects of the magic stick wear off.

I agree with this take. If someone is engaging in self-destructive behavior there is nothing you can do about. If she is unable to see the illogic in dating a bum then you can’t make her see it. Some people have to learn by experience and you may have to play out here.

Deleted member 231 · 2/3/22

#broked**kmagic

Deleted member 191 · 2/3/22

Sapphire said:
I am not one to judge but when it comes to my friends lowering their standards for love, I can't keep my mouth shut. I have to say something. A friend of mine is dating this dude who no joke, has $0 to his name. His car broke down last month and he has been using her's when he needs to get somewhere. She works full-time and babysits on the side and she is covering the costs for his broke self. She says she is in love. She says he is her world. Dude has been out of work for going on 3 months now and has ZERO motivation to get out there and find work. She deserves someone better than this imo.

How can I talk some sense into her when she is blinded by her emotions?

I have been your friend. And in the moment, every red flag that I would advise OTHERS against, I failed to enact for myself. When we're too close to a situation, sometimes what's obvious to everyone else, isn't to us. We have to take that bump. It's a hard one usually but, the smart ones don't usually make the same mistake twice. Or at least don't stick around to get roped back into that same engagement. Everyone has mixed it up with someone they otherwise shouldn't have, except those of us who are so fucking perfect and never deal with problems and have all the answers to life's fuckups. But the bottom line is, she has the right to ruin her life and waste her time however she wants, because it's her life, not yours. YOU can't want more for someone who doesn't want it for themselves.

Red Velvet · 2/3/22

HailCzr85 said:
I have been your friend. And in the moment, every red flag that I would advise OTHERS against, I failed to enact for myself. When we're too close to a situation, sometimes what's obvious to everyone else, isn't to us. We have to take that bump. It's a hard one usually but, the smart ones don't usually make the same mistake twice. Or at least don't stick around to get roped back into that same engagement. Everyone has mixed it up with someone they otherwise shouldn't have, except those of us who are so fucking perfect and never deal with problems and have all the answers to life's fuckups. But the bottom line is, she has the right to ruin her life and waste her time however she wants, because it's her life, not yours. YOU can't want more for someone who doesn't want it for themselves.

You have the best insights!

Deleted member 191 · 2/3/22

Red Velvet said:
You have the best insights!

I appreciate that. But ultimately, I'm just an incredibly broken person who has had to figure it out. I also hate people so there's that too lol....

sourgrapes · 2/4/22

She will not be able to walk away until she realizes she deserves more. Unfortunately, a lot of women are out there thinking this is as good as it gets or they don't deserve better. Some dudes know how to spit game and make them feel like the most important thing in the world and that is enough for them to not see sense.

I always tell people that you can't expect people to love you when you can't love yourself. For whatever reason, she doesn't hold value to herself and he is taking advantage of it.

Deleted member 231 · 2/4/22

NOT GON BE ABLE TO DO IT!

Sapphire · 2/5/22

You all are probably right at this point. She probably won't see sense in anything until she is willing to. It just makes me mad she is wasting her youth on him. I just hope she is serious about protection and doesn't let this dude knock her up. I know she wouldn't be able to bring herself to have an abortion.

Red Velvet · 2/5/22

Sapphire said:
You all are probably right at this point. She probably won't see sense in anything until she is willing to. It just makes me mad she is wasting her youth on him. I just hope she is serious about protection and doesn't let this dude knock her up. I know she wouldn't be able to bring herself to have an abortion.

This is why it is important to detach yourself emotionally from the choices of others. If you put your emotion into the situation your emotional state will fluctuate with the trials and tribulations she is building a course for. Best thing to do is disconnect yourself from her decisions. Let it play out how it will and don’t extend yourself financially, physically, or emotionally more than necessary.

Sapphire · 2/7/22

Red Velvet said:
This is why it is important to detach yourself emotionally from the choices of others. If you put your emotion into the situation your emotional state will fluctuate with the trials and tribulations she is building a course for. Best thing to do is disconnect yourself from her decisions. Let it play out how it will and don’t extend yourself financially, physically, or emotionally more than necessary.

Good points here. I mean if she is not invested, why should I be? She wants to just coast on by with the dude so I will just let it be. I feel bad for her cause I know when she wakes up, it will be a hard pill to swallow but she made her bed and is refusing to get out of it. Not going to just lay down in her mess with her.

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