The Cookout

HeffDawg · 5/19/22

I believe there are 3 categories:

Jump Off	Situationship	Wife-Material
You hang when you want to bang	You bang but you actually go on dates and trips	You're serious about her and want to make a commitment

If you put a woman in the wrong category, you'll be in a world of hurt fellas. Some of you put a woman in the wrong category then got her pregnant. But read this simp's story real quick:

Me (Male, 32), met this stunning girl at spin class about 10 months ago. She was young (24), and we instantly hit it off. One day she invited me to a group dinner, and when I went there she was pretty close to another guy (holding hands, being very close), I figured it was her boyfriend, but when she introduced me to him she called him a friend.

I instantly wrote her off. I would see her at spin class every evening after work but I would keep it cordial. Then a month later she texted me asking to hang out, saying she broke up with her ex. She put herself in my orbit, sending me snaps of herself winking at me, it was pretty obvious. When we hung out the chemistry was amazing. We went on several dates, and nothing physical happened.

***No matter what happened after this, he should have put her in the Jump Off category...but he didn't!***

Fast forward to April, and I took her to a sporting event (tickets weren't cheap), then we went back to my place and finally had sex. I've never experienced better sex than this. Over the next several weeks we started hanging out pretty much everyday. She was struggling financially and I even paid her rent for a month (stupid I know), but I really cared about her.

***He's giving a jump off Wife Material Treatment, this is going to end badly***

I would remember everything she tells me, would buy her gifts, would go out of my way to make her feel happy and comfortable. When I asked if she wanted us to be exclusive, she told me she still has feelings for her ex and isn't ready yet. In my mind we were dating since at this point in time we hung out practically everyday together and had a lot of sleepovers, plus doing things like hiking, snowboarding, and many more activities together.

.***He still didn't change course after this. It was another opportunity to put her in the Jump Off category but he did not. ***

After a while I noticed that I was putting in way more effort than she was. Picking her up from work, driving her home, leaving her favorite books at her mailbox, etc. Then she went cold

A lot of my messages were ignored. I played it cool when I saw her at spin class, but then I noticed she was pretty flirty with another guy at the class. Teasing him, playfully touching his arm, laughing hard at his jokes, etc. Then yesterday I was at the class and I overheard them talking about meeting up. My heart hurt.

I played it cool in class, but as soon as it was over I drove home and when I reached my apartment I cried. I never in my life cared more for another human being outside of my family, But no more. I'm not a second option. I now realize she didn't reciprocate these feelings.

Right now its hard to focus on work, I skipped the spin class today because I didn't want to see her. My question is, how do I get over the pain? Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you all, god bless.

This is the kinda shit that has these dudes going the Red Pill way. He misjudged the situation and paid for it. He had all the signs she was a jump off and if he treated her as such he would have knew that it wasn't his, just his turn. When she would have started flirting around he would have knew it was her nature and not have been hurt.

Fellas, if you see thot behaviors don't ignore it. She invited the sucka in the story to eat with the nigga she was smashing...think about that. She had her ex meet the nigga she was gon' leave him for and this sucka was so enamored that he didn't peep game. She did him just like she did her ex.

Don't get caught up, trust your instincts and treat them accordingly. If she doesn't act like a wife, don't treat her like one.

Sapphire · 5/20/22

Something my brother does when dating is have a screening time. He will not just smash anyone. He will go out on a few dates or hang out a few times, at least 3 times to feel out the woman. If she gives him reason to believe she is not relationship material, he will decide if he wants to just have some fun and bounce or if that isn't even worth the risk. If she is relationship material, he will proceed to get to know her more, let her know him more, and slowly bring her around friends and family.

He told me he will never just hop into bed with any woman, no matter how fine cause he don't want to risk some crazy having his baby.

Black_Knight_Discussions · 5/20/22

I think when one gets to a certain age you start to realize that one has to set standards for themselves when it comes to meeting or getting to know the, "Right" person. I have to put that word in quotes because in a perfect world, every person would have a handbook that would explain the best....and worst of a person and what to look out for; but since we don't live in that perfect world and every person we meet (especially in this world now we live in) one doesn't know if they show interest or show distain for you.
I reached the point in my age where I had a lot of heartbreaks and I have broken hearts; but I realized I can't be that person who is, "The Garbage man of the dating world" which is the stigma that is placed on black men since the early 80s. I realized that in my dating life that I have those standards for myself cause I have expectations for myself and also in a world where people expect a person to accept a 800 lbs woman and expect one to date them and when they don't then you are being an asshole for not accepting, 'Body Positivity' and all that which is one of many factors that we are up against as men.

As a man who don't have kids, I guess my category is in I'm looking for the wifey material but i keep meeting the Situatationship (and its mostly from some of the woman's part); Last person I dated, ALWAYS wanted to spend money and go out, ALWAYS wanted to not stay indoors and while I don't mind that I also like to stay indoors and save money and not spend a lot..I don't do dinners on first dates and that's what she wanted and I wasn't going to deal with that....i realized i have zero tolerance and I read the room and ask questions to see if the woman I speak with fits those three categories that you've have mentioned. At the end of the day, my category at this moment is either between situatationship or looking for the Wifey Material and sadly finding a "Wifey Material" is getting harder and harder in today's world!

HeffDawg · 5/20/22

Black_Knight_Discussions said:
As a man who don't have kids, I guess my category is in I'm looking for the wifey material but i keep meeting the Situatationship

Where you meeting these ladies bruh? Also how you vetting them? If you keep coming across women who you can’t take seriously do you think it’s you? You’re the common denominator. Are the funds not right? Is the mouthpiece off? What you think? Or are you just in a sucky area?

Black_Knight_Discussions · 5/20/22

HeffDawg said:
Where you meeting these ladies bruh? Also how you vetting them? If you keep coming across women who you can’t take seriously do you think it’s you? You’re the common denominator. Are the funds not right? Is the mouthpiece off? What you think? Or are you just in a sucky area?

There's a couple of factors:
1) Since I don't do bars or clubs (Since i'm not a fan of crowds..) I usually do dating sites or apps even that is a bit taxing...lmao

2) My rule is that I don't date anyone I don't feel mentally, sexually, emotionally or all the above. Just because a person is attractive doesn't mean their personalities are and I usually ask questions to vet and if something comes up in those answers that gives a red flag; while I give them a benefit of the doubt if their actions don't match what they say then I walk plain and simple!

3) Having funds has nothing to do with what I like and don't like; My funds is fine but like i said, I don't do dinners on first dates I rather talk and get to know someone first but what I'm not going to do is let someone dictate by expecting me to shell out all the time on stuff and they don't bring anything to the table as well (If it comes off wrong of me to say that then it is what it is...).

4) I can be very blunt in my words and I don't sugarcoat anything (at this point I can't afford to BS people) so maybe it could be my "mouthpiece" but that's not changing no time soon! If someone is on Lizzo level and expect me to just accept that...I can't do that. I work out, I try to live my life right and I would expect the person i'm seeing to do the same about themselves as well like i said previously, as a black men we are often stigmatized as the "Garbage man" of the dating world and I'm tired of that saying like we have to date ANYONE and not have standards for ourselves. I love woman, but I'm not going to date EVERY woman (from skinny to obese, etc.....but the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye" I suppose) I guess you can say i have a type!

5) Finally, Yep its definitely the area I live in as well. The majority of woman falls under certain categories , around my way you have some who thinks the sun rises and falls on their p**$y and that annoys me when i see a bunch of dudes all swarming around one woman like simps and don't realize there are far better woman out there. The other half falls under the, "N**gas aint shit" crowd, and yet they contradict themselves by showing out and objectifying themselves and complain when someone wants to get into their pants. Last but not least the woman with children, I don't date woman with kids. I just don't.

Black_Knight_Discussions · 5/20/22

HeffDawg said:
Where you meeting these ladies bruh? Also how you vetting them? If you keep coming across women who you can’t take seriously do you think it’s you? You’re the common denominator. Are the funds not right? Is the mouthpiece off? What you think? Or are you just in a sucky area?

So you are saying it's my fault for running into these types of woman who pretty much search me out? not the other way around..... that's not judgmental!

ART · 5/20/22

Black_Knight_Discussions said:
So you are saying it's my fault for running into these types of woman who pretty much search me out? not the other way around..... that's not judgmental!

Ironically, women generally have the same complaints regarding men.

Black_Knight_Discussions · 5/20/22

ART said:
Ironically, women generally have the same complaints regarding men.

Exactly, but when it comes to SOME woman their complaints is mostly on an emotional or a level of expectation. For example, A woman who is 380 lbs with 6 kids expects to find and date a man who look like Shamar Moore and have the same level of income as him and get disappointed when the guy has a decent job or high end job but not 6 foot 1. Or they got out of a relationship with some dude that only looked at them as a sexual object or worse; Then complains that ALL MEN are like that because one guy messed you up. I often mention Dr. T. Hassan Johnson in some of my comments cause he's a youtuber and has a Phd in black male studies so he breaks it down to a science at how some woman's expectations and complaints sometimes fall into the border line of misandry to some degree (not all the time cause everyone is different) all the more reason why there's this rise of IG/Twitter/Onlyfans models. The thing is we don't really ask for much honestly Yes we do have categories (much like some woman as well) in our dating but believe it or not we do want something serious as much as the next person.

HeffDawg · 5/21/22

So you are saying it's my fault for running into these types of woman who pretty much search me out? not the other way around..... that's not judgmental!

I never said that bro. I said if you’re going on dates with skallywag after skallywag do you think your filter is off. Do you feel like your discernment is off. We will never NOT run into dirtbags but we can definitely spot them more quickly and choose not to invest time or resource.

Jay · 5/21/22

Black_Knight_Discussions said:
Exactly, but when it comes to SOME woman their complaints is mostly on an emotional or a level of expectation. For example, A woman who is 380 lbs with 6 kids expects to find and date a man who look like Shamar Moore and have the same level of income as him and get disappointed when the guy has a decent job or high end job but not 6 foot 1. Or they got out of a relationship with some dude that only looked at them as a sexual object or worse; Then complains that ALL MEN are like that because one guy messed you up. I often mention Dr. T. Hassan Johnson in some of my comments cause he's a youtuber and has a Phd in black male studies so he breaks it down to a science at how some woman's expectations and complaints sometimes fall into the border line of misandry to some degree (not all the time cause everyone is different) all the more reason why there's this rise of IG/Twitter/Onlyfans models. The thing is we don't really ask for much honestly Yes we do have categories (much like some woman as well) in our dating but believe it or not we do want something serious as much as the next person.

We live in a society that coddles women socially which is intensified by simps and their vagina worship. You end up with a population of people who have never been checked, never had lasting consequences, and has delusion up the wazoo.

When we as men get a door slammed in our face it’s devastating and we have to build another. A lot of women grow up thinking that there is unlimited doors and it’s largely true if she is half way decent with a nice body. That is until they get in their mid to late 30’s and start playing with a class of men who ain’t taking their ish anymore.

But I always say, what good would it be to find the right one if it was easy? The value in that woman that is down for you is not only in her but in how rare she is.

ProMoatBlack · 5/21/22

HeffDawg said:
I believe there are 3 categories:

Jump Off Situationship Wife-Material
You hang when you want to bang You bang but you actually go on dates and trips You're serious about her and want to make a commitment

If you put a woman in the wrong category, you'll be in a world of hurt fellas. Some of you put a woman in the wrong category then got her pregnant. But read this simp's story real quick:

This is the kinda shit that has these dudes going the Red Pill way. He misjudged the situation and paid for it. He had all the signs she was a jump off and if he treated her as such he would have knew that it wasn't his, just his turn. When she would have started flirting around he would have knew it was her nature and not have been hurt.

Fellas, if you see thot behaviors don't ignore it. She invited the sucka in the story to eat with the nigga she was smashing...think about that. She had her ex meet the nigga she was gon' leave him for and this sucka was so enamored that he didn't peep game. She did him just like she did her ex.

Don't get caught up, trust your instincts and treat them accordingly. If she doesn't act like a wife, don't treat her like one.

That last line though!!! So true. My wife acted as such evwn during the years we dated so when it was time for me to graduate I was like eh you wanna get married. I was like I have to keep this woman with forever since she took good care of me even while dating. Heck yeah if she don't act like a wife don't elevate her to that status.

HeffDawg · 5/21/22

ProMoatBlack said:
That last line though!!! So true. My wife acted as such evwn during the years we dated so when it was time for me to graduate I was like eh you wanna get married. I was like I have to keep this woman with forever since she took good care of me even while dating. Heck yeah if she don't act like a wife don't elevate her to that status.

Ya dig. You played the game right she came in playing the role she wanted and you gave it to her. Some of these women will be out here saying “I will only do X for my husband” thinking that is going to make a man want to marry her. Nah shorty if you’re holding back you getting out in situationship or jump off bucket.

Deleted member 231 · 5/21/22

HeffDawg said:
I believe there are 3 categories:

Jump Off Situationship Wife-Material
You hang when you want to bang You bang but you actually go on dates and trips You're serious about her and want to make a commitment

If you put a woman in the wrong category, you'll be in a world of hurt fellas. Some of you put a woman in the wrong category then got her pregnant. But read this simp's story real quick:

This is the kinda shit that has these dudes going the Red Pill way. He misjudged the situation and paid for it. He had all the signs she was a jump off and if he treated her as such he would have knew that it wasn't his, just his turn. When she would have started flirting around he would have knew it was her nature and not have been hurt.

Fellas, if you see thot behaviors don't ignore it. She invited the sucka in the story to eat with the nigga she was smashing...think about that. She had her ex meet the nigga she was gon' leave him for and this sucka was so enamored that he didn't peep game. She did him just like she did her ex.

Don't get caught up, trust your instincts and treat them accordingly. If she doesn't act like a wife, don't treat her like one.

ooh that was a painful read.

ProMoatBlack · 5/21/22

HeffDawg said:
Ya dig. You played the game right she came in playing the role she wanted and you gave it to her. Some of these women will be out here saying “I will only do X for my husband” thinking that is going to make a man want to marry her. Nah shorty if you’re holding back you getting out in situationship or jump off bucket.

I tell my people if she cook ,clean, give head on demand and can apologize when she wrong you better marry that woman cause nobody else gon treat you that well. No one other than your wife!!!

sourgrapes · 5/21/22

Jay said:
We live in a society that coddles women socially which is intensified by simps and their vagina worship.

I will just say it. They took most if not all responsibility women once had for themselves and put it on something or someone else. Not just black ladies either, ALL WOMEN.

This is why so many ladies out there think they can act like hoes and still become housewives. Look at all the OnlyFans types saying they want marriage and can't understand why they can't have it minutes later posting about a sale for their nudes.

ProMoatBlack · 5/21/22

sourgrapes said:
I will just say it. They took most if not all responsibility women once had for themselves and put it on something or someone else. Not just black ladies either, ALL WOMEN.

This is why so many ladies out there think they can act like hoes and still become housewives. Look at all the OnlyFans types saying they want marriage and can't understand why they can't have it minutes later posting about a sale for their nudes.

3rd wave feminism is the devil!!! Hell all of it is but the part about choice. These women choose to be hoes then are mad no one wants to choose them as a wife. Ridiculous!

sourgrapes · 5/21/22

ProMoatBlack said:
3rd wave feminism is the devil!!! Hell all of it is but the part about choice. These women choose to be hoes then are mad no one wants to choose them as a wife. Ridiculous!

ART · 5/22/22

ProMoatBlack said:
That last line though!!! So true. My wife acted as such evwn during the years we dated so when it was time for me to graduate I was like eh you wanna get married. I was like I have to keep this woman with forever since she took good care of me even while dating. Heck yeah if she don't act like a wife don't elevate her to that status.

Just so I can understand better, what good things has she done for you before getting married? Also, what did she see in you prior to marriage?

ProMoatBlack · 5/22/22

ART said:
Just so I can understand better, what good things has she done for you before getting married? Also, what did she see in you prior to marriage?

Supported me through ups and downs and never made me to feel like less of a man when things weren't ideal. She was and still is my best friend. She made herself irreplaceable when it came to feeding me and generally nurturing to my well being.

My wife said she saw me as a provider ,protector and God fearing man. She said I am an intelligent man with great conversation. We are each others best friends and lovers.

Jay · 5/22/22

ProMoatBlack said:
I tell my people if she cook ,clean, give head on demand and can apologize when she wrong you better marry that woman cause nobody else gon treat you that well. No one other than your wife!!!

Happy Well Done GIF by Major League Soccer

The apologize and admit when she was wrong part.

Danny · 5/24/22

I don't think that all dating destination ends up in the marriage bus stop. It's probably why I always tell people to define the grounds of their relationship when they start it. This will enable both parties know exactly what they are in for on both long term basis and short term as well.

Maxwell · 5/25/22

I believe that everything is all about know exactly what you want in a woman. It's the only way that you know what to look for and where to look for it exactly because when you lack a good sense of direction on what you want, there's no way you would expect to be able to make a good decision in your choosing of your lady.

TeeGee · 5/26/22

I don't know if I should call this a super power but I just know the kind of person you are from our first conversation. To me the first time we talked is often the most important time that would later determine where I'm gonna place you either in the jump-off , situationship or wife - material the later doesn't happen regularly though.

I dont give you too much of what you haven't given me back in return, if she's already flirting with me the first day we talked cos I have a really strong effect on women I just know it ain't gonna last, I just wait for the day we gonna get physical or I just stop talking after a few days. But if she takes me on an intellectual journey and we talk about serious stuffs like our studies or jobs or something that isn't sexual, flirty or even outside our individual perception of what life is meant to be then I just wait and see what it all boils down too before putting any feeling in it.

SINCEREM · 5/26/22

You're right with the information you passed here, when a woman or a man is put in the wrong category, the love doesn't last long. It depends on what's running through our minds, and what plans we got in the relationship. For me, I want a decent woman for long time relationship and not a sex material.

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