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When you leave America for at least a year or more and come back it hits you. Hits you hard. Overseas, for the most part, some exceptions, but you are 'American'. Just a black version of a white American to most folks. So, you get treated as an 'American'. Color is not as big of a factor. And for the most part, especially in developing countries, if you are there as an American then you must be well off and you get treated as if you are.

You come back to America and from the first second, you are back in 'Black' mode. And as a black man you immediately have to have the tone and body language in white spaces that says 'I'm not a threat'. And if you go back to the hood, its 'I'm not a victim' which is a different tone and body language.

But you realize though that even if you look middle class, white folks have an inherent fear of you that you don't see overseas. Its also within America. If you are in Des Moines, Iowa your blackness is very noticeable to you and everyone as opposed to say...hmm...compared to Atlanta maybe.

I do know one thing, I will fight it the best I can if for no other reason for our children and the future of our people.

Started for me at 5 years of age. Seeing police kill my people, let K-9s loose on them, beat them with night sticks & nearly drown them with the water hoses the fire department uses!
Elementary school wasn't any better, but at least I had a group of my peers that fought white kids as soon as they thought they'd get away with bullying us & we're still friends today.
I must admit, I look at whites side eyed as an adult, always on alert & ready for whatever comes my way!

I realized as I got older that every race be them white or whatever will ALWAYS look out for their own first and I am fine with this. I have learned to accept it because the reality of it is, people are not going to change. What needs to be done at this point is we need black empowerment movements. Ones that focus on us having each other's backs, lifting up our communities, and forming our own groups of support. We can't rely or depend on white businesses, brands, banks, or government officials. You know which side they will choose if it came down to it. This is why we need to weed out blacks who are destructive and coony.

Blackgravity said:

Being Black in Amerika isn't easy by any means, having to deal with white supremacists day in, and day out can have an effect on you. I find myself not giving a shit about things I usually did. I feel bad sometimes, but mostly not. here's an example. If I hear a story about a missing kid, an abused kid, or even one killed by accident or on purpose, I always try to find out if the kid was Black or not.
If it's a non-Black kid (or adult) I tend not to give a damn.
I tell myself "they were probably racist anyhow" or if its a kid I think "he would've grown up to be a racist anyhow"
30 years ago I never thought like this, I honestly believe the effects of having to live in a world with these people are eroding my humanity.
do you notice anything like this with yourself?

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Oh Blackgravity you hit that on the head brother! I try to be empathetic but then something tells me not to be when tragedy occurs to others outside of my racial makeup.

This is a profound post. I find myself not enjoying life at times. I don't like to travel even though I've been many places thanks to my wife. My reasoning comes in to play to not do certain events, because maybe the plane I'm getting on had a racist incident with a gate agent or the amusement park shunned some of our little black boys and girls, or the restaurant had a viral video or two showing racist patterns. These have all occurred within the past year and it takes the joy out of just enjoying myself. It's hard being a revolutionary when you just want to live and enjoy life. That is one-way white supremacy has changed me.

Blackgravity said:

Being Black in Amerika isn't easy by any means, having to deal with white supremacists day in, and day out can have an effect on you. I find myself not giving a shit about things I usually did. I feel bad sometimes, but mostly not. here's an example. If I hear a story about a missing kid, an abused kid, or even one killed by accident or on purpose, I always try to find out if the kid was Black or not.
If it's a non-Black kid (or adult) I tend not to give a damn.
I tell myself "they were probably racist anyhow" or if its a kid I think "he would've grown up to be a racist anyhow"
30 years ago I never thought like this, I honestly believe the effects of having to live in a world with these people are eroding my humanity.
do you notice anything like this with yourself?

Click to expand...

100%

I'm a lot more cautious around white people. There's just so much hate that has been delivered by white people, that I have learned to observe people more because of it. It's helped me weed out the bad eggs who are about hating us or using us. I also try to pay more attention to the words people use when talking to me, how they talk to me and why they talk to me.

As I've gotten older as well, I have realized a lot of the white friends I had growing up weren't actually my friends. There was a couple who I would still say are my friends, but a lot of them pretended to be my friend. Some of them would gladly side with the police when our black brothers and sisters are being murdered out there.

So yeah, I'm a lot more cautious about people intentions, especially white people.

Blackgravity said:

Being Black in Amerika isn't easy by any means, having to deal with white supremacists day in, and day out can have an effect on you. I find myself not giving a shit about things I usually did. I feel bad sometimes, but mostly not. here's an example. If I hear a story about a missing kid, an abused kid, or even one killed by accident or on purpose, I always try to find out if the kid was Black or not.
If it's a non-Black kid (or adult) I tend not to give a damn.
I tell myself "they were probably racist anyhow" or if its a kid I think "he would've grown up to be a racist anyhow"
30 years ago I never thought like this, I honestly believe the effects of having to live in a world with these people are eroding my humanity.
do you notice anything like this with yourself?

Click to expand...

White supremacy changed me quite a bit from when I was a teenager in high school. I came from the South, and I was familiar with racism, but it never really affected me though. It wasn't that bad where I was from. You might hear the occasional N-word, but I didn't really get affected by racism until I moved to the Bay Area KKKalifornia. That's when I really experienced racism. Out here in the Bay, it came at me from all directions. It messed me up for a while. I wasn't used to it. I mean everybody out here had a problem with blacks, especially black men. Aside from the weather, which is good in the Bay Area, living in the South, and East Coast was better to me.

I went through so much stuff that I wrote a book about everything that I went through out here. I made sure to write it down so that I would never forget it.

Blackgravity said:

Being Black in Amerika isn't easy by any means, having to deal with white supremacists day in, and day out can have an effect on you. I find myself not giving a shit about things I usually did. I feel bad sometimes, but mostly not. here's an example. If I hear a story about a missing kid, an abused kid, or even one killed by accident or on purpose, I always try to find out if the kid was Black or not.
If it's a non-Black kid (or adult) I tend not to give a damn.
I tell myself "they were probably racist anyhow" or if its a kid I think "he would've grown up to be a racist anyhow"
30 years ago I never thought like this, I honestly believe the effects of having to live in a world with these people are eroding my humanity.
do you notice anything like this with yourself?

Click to expand...

This post is deep. White supremacy is having a constant effect. I'm not as empathetic as I once was. Not as outgoing as I used to be either. It can be so easy to end up in a sticky situation, so Im finding I have to turn down invites to social events etc.

I don't go anywhere after dark if I can help it. I don't do any social events where I'm the only Black person. It HAS forced me to get on code with other Black people and to always look for the trickbag looming out there. Also, no new white friends.....

It makes adhering to the CCSC crucial, otherwise who knows what further damage can be done to our psyches.

Jay said:

It made me become more selfish where I prioritize Black people over everyone else.

It has made me see life for what it really is, barbarism. Civilization is a farce in the Western world, t's every man for himself.

It has at times made me question the seemingly insurmountable odds but the reminder that evil only rules when it goes unchecked reassures me. You may not be the one to see the victory but you broke off one brick of evil's inpenetrable wall.

It has made me ultra aware of my surroundings and what people are saying. It has made my ability to see the subtext in what someone is saying a fine tuned skill.

It has hardened my heart and made me want self-determination more than ever.

Click to expand...

Its like that scene in the movie "They Live" when the guy puts on those glasses for the first time and sees the world for what it really is. Once that happens, there is no turning back.
Better to have a hardened heart than to have no heart like RWS.

Terrymist said:

Its like that scene in the movie "They Live" when the guy puts on those glasses for the first time and sees the world for what it really is. Once that happens, there is no turning back.
Better to have a hardened heart than to have no heart like RWS.

Click to expand...

exactly!!!!!

Oh my, white supremacy has and continues to negativity impact my mind, body and dare I say soul. I was born in the mid-eighties and spent most of my life in the Midwest and it's so bad here especially compared to the south. I was exposed immediately despite my mother desperately trying to protect me from it although I was raised in a proBlk home by my mother. Some of my earliest memories where being called the N-word and harassed by whites with my having to get physical with them to maintain my dignity and pride (with my mother right there by my side). That said, I really didn't understand it, I mean REALLY understand it and just who pervasive and insidious it is, until I was in my twenties but it was also in my twenties when I made a conscious decision to actively fight against it. And like most ProBlk advocates/activists, it's hard on the person that's why there are so many coons and donothings in our communities. It's just way easier to turn away, ignore (even when it's affecting you and your people every damn day) than to actively fight it. I could go on in on but I don't have the time. But I will say that I'm so happy for this place, the family here and to Brother Jay for the work he's doing by creating this place where we can come together. I'll always be greatful:)

I was such a nice person but the first experience I had with racism was Hispanics and they do very little things that's pretty foul they will try to force there women not to like u disown people in there communities they don't like cause they associated with uit changed from being nice to experiencing bitterness, disassociation I has a effect on ur mind the most dangerous a whites from my experience they are an entirely different species or something it took me a long time to find peace cause of it The thing I hate truly and bootlickers I had some when I was in Colorado siding with good ol boys and u have a segment of bw that has a demonic hatred for bm or just black people in general I really think we need therapist that knows exactly how to deal with that cause it took awhile noonencan say that black people who lived during Jim crow or black people being targeted by racist gangs don't have a effect on the psyche u have to be extremely strong like beyond reading about George jacksom Soledad brothers helped me alot and the look of rage amd hatred I received just for breathing its crazy