The Cookout

This is a tricky one. But you have to do you. A lot of young women (and by young I'm talking 18-21) are dating much older guys (mid 30s and older) for a couple reasons I think. First, they grew up without any father figures. Single mom household, no black male teachers. They have a daddy complex. I've seen girls in my HS do this back in the day. Second, is the guys are just more emotional mature than the guys their age who also grew up with a single mom and are emotional. Older men to these women have more money, less cheating and are mature emotionally and talk like grown ass men. In American society it looks awkward if not wrong. Thing is, in Arab countries, most African countries, many Asian countries (Philippines, Indonesia, Cambodia) its completely normal for a woman at 23 to marry a man who is 38.

America and Europe it isn't as normal. Two 35 year old people, meet in America today its almost a guarantee one of them has major issues. It's likely the sista has a kid or two, high body count, been ran through, bitter from Tyrone cheating on her with her best friend. It's likely the guy hasn't had his financial situation in order yet, or at least at 'producer' level. Has a baby mama or two, maybe got arrested once and did a few months in country, so can't get in some jobs. Spent too many years tricking in the clubs. Finding a good sista or brotha over a certain age these days who is a viable partner for a marriage is a needle in a haystack proposition. I am NOT advocating dating someone 18, but what I am saying is you will see more of it (dating young women 20, 22,) because they are thinking 'I'll catch her before she has been damaged and I can mold her to what I want in a woman" which in itself seems creepy but its what men in other cultures advocate actually.

Hollywood male stars are the kings of dating and marrying young AF. Leonardo Dicaprio is said to drop women once they turn 25 (he's 47). Even if you have done right as a sista, not had kids out of wedlock, stayed in shape, educated, and are a good person, if you are 35, the problem often is a 35 year old successful brotha is tryna date 25 or 26, under 30.

Dating and marriage these days is f*cked up...for everybody.

I think it's super sketchy when a woman dates a man at least 30 years older than her, usually in these cases she's a gold digger and just wants his money! I couldn't be with a woman that was even 10 years younger than me, I can't really imagine people having the same things in common with that big of an age gap.

Ravenfreak said:

I think it's super sketchy when a woman dates a man at least 30 years older than her, usually in these cases she's a gold digger and just wants his money! I couldn't be with a woman that was even 10 years younger than me, I can't really imagine people having the same things in common with that big of an age gap.

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In America, that big of an age difference is only somewhat accepted if you are 1. You are the 1%, some old ass billionaire who is 65 and a 29 year old woman or 2. Hollywood where you have famous actor. Leonardo Dicaprio is 49, dates them early 20s. A lot of your older, famous actors over 50 second wife are in the 20s or early 30s. 2A. Aging but paid sports stars, like MJ and Shaq date much younger.

Women are going after men who got their ish together which is typically 30+ so this is why you have seen such a big influx of women who are 18 to 23 dating men 12+ years older than them. This is hurting the dating pool for women who are in their late 20s and 30s though cause men who have good income and stability are opting for younger models.

I personally would not go more than 10 years and it would have to be one hell of a man at that. I tend to date 5 or 6 years older max and 3 years younger max.

Sapphire said:

Women are going after men who got their ish together which is typically 30+ so this is why you have seen such a big influx of women who are 18 to 23 dating men 12+ years older than them. This is hurting the dating pool for women who are in their late 20s and 30s though cause men who have good income and stability are opting for younger models.

I personally would not go more than 10 years and it would have to be one hell of a man at that. I tend to date 5 or 6 years older max and 3 years younger max.

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It used to be a man in his mid 20s, even black, made enough to get married. At least afford a starter apartment in the hood (urban area)/ black part of town (country / south), nowadays even white boys can't make enough to even keep a girlfriend. I read an article several years ago that more men in their 20s are either staying in their parents home in their 20s or have moved back in that at anytime. This is all races.

America's own greed has effed up a couple generations in able to get married and live fairly decently. Every single successful society on earth for 1000s of years was built on the traditional family unit. No exceptions. When that started failing, their society failed. The best and most famous example are the Romans. The emperors were so gay at one point they had public wives and there was a good chance that it was someone else's kid when she had a son and he didn't give a f*ck either.

There are many aspects of why America has a low birthrate and that includes us. The mainstream media won't touch it but blacks have a lower than replacement rate of births as well. Its slightly higher than the white rate but the media focuses on whites for obvious reasons.

A black man in his 20s is no where capable of being able to get married traditionally on average. The jobs aren't there. Even if he went to college. Unless he majored and worked in certain professional fields (STEM, Law, etc) he's going to face very mediocre jobs and a huge student loan debt. Its why we, in part, we see young sisters with established guys late 30s, 40s. On a sidenote, the lack of a father and daddy complex is one of a few other reasons, but I digress.

White America is trying to figure out how it can get young white men paid and interested in marrying again WITHOUT also doing the same for us. Its tricky. They start having high minimum wage, free college, etc, it also helps us and we (and Latinos) will usually have more kids than whites do.

We need a national black conversation on how to help ourselves. Talk about pushing the trades (plumbing, carpentry, electrician, mechanics) and tech (cyber security, cloud engineering, programming) and any other in demand profession that pays above the national wage and enough to get married.

We gotta simultaneously have brothers go for the bag, and being on code personally and sisters stop choosing Pookie and Ray Ray and being wifey material.

Younger men don’t do it for men. They are insecure, unsure, not stable, and unable to lead me. Pass.

RCNAL said:

Every single successful society on earth for 1000s of years was built on the traditional family unit. No exceptions. When that started failing, their society failed. The best and most famous example are the Romans. The emperors were so gay at one point they had public wives and there was a good chance that it was someone else's kid when she had a son and he didn't give a f*ck either.

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America took the traditional family unit in a body bag, lit it on fire, and buried it. I feel that we are on the Titanic trying to get up to the top deck to get a steak…WHILE IT IS SINKING!

When I think of age differences, I find it weird when they are really far apart in age. I'm also often suspicious of people who date older people, men or women. I've seen younger men dating older women, younger women dating older men. It happens. A lot of the time I can see it being about money, at least in the cases where someone is 20-30+ years older than them. Sure some of them may actually be about love, but if it's someone who happens to be rich, I always am a bit suspicious of those relationships.

When it comes to me, I don't like to date too young. 18 is too young for me because they often aren't mature enough, want to party all the time, and so on. I'll let them go ahead and have their adventures, I'll date someone closer to my age. I imagine it's the same for women and younger men. It's really about maturity. Plus, most people around that age often plan to go to college, and I would prefer someone who is more available to have a relationship with.

RCNAL said:

It used to be a man in his mid 20s, even black, made enough to get married. At least afford a starter apartment in the hood (urban area)/ black part of town (country / south), nowadays even white boys can't make enough to even keep a girlfriend. I read an article several years ago that more men in their 20s are either staying in their parents home in their 20s or have moved back in that at anytime. This is all races.

America's own greed has effed up a couple generations in able to get married and live fairly decently. Every single successful society on earth for 1000s of years was built on the traditional family unit. No exceptions. When that started failing, their society failed. The best and most famous example are the Romans. The emperors were so gay at one point they had public wives and there was a good chance that it was someone else's kid when she had a son and he didn't give a f*ck either.

There are many aspects of why America has a low birthrate and that includes us. The mainstream media won't touch it but blacks have a lower than replacement rate of births as well. Its slightly higher than the white rate but the media focuses on whites for obvious reasons.

A black man in his 20s is no where capable of being able to get married traditionally on average. The jobs aren't there. Even if he went to college. Unless he majored and worked in certain professional fields (STEM, Law, etc) he's going to face very mediocre jobs and a huge student loan debt. Its why we, in part, we see young sisters with established guys late 30s, 40s. On a sidenote, the lack of a father and daddy complex is one of a few other reasons, but I digress.

White America is trying to figure out how it can get young white men paid and interested in marrying again WITHOUT also doing the same for us. Its tricky. They start having high minimum wage, free college, etc, it also helps us and we (and Latinos) will usually have more kids than whites do.

We need a national black conversation on how to help ourselves. Talk about pushing the trades (plumbing, carpentry, electrician, mechanics) and tech (cyber security, cloud engineering, programming) and any other in demand profession that pays above the national wage and enough to get married.

We gotta simultaneously have brothers go for the bag, and being on code personally and sisters stop choosing Pookie and Ray Ray and being wifey material.

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That was the so-called American dream. The house, the wife, the good pay, the picket fence but we have to understand that was never for us. It was for the white man. We never had a fair shot. Every system in this country works against the black man, even in the dating world. Like Chris Rock said... What is the first thing your friend asks you about the man you are dating? "WHAT DOES HE DO!?".

There is a certain limit to how old a person is and if I could date or get Into a relationship with them.

7 years older or 7 years younger is fine above that is way too much for me.

I don't get it why older people would be interested in getting into relationships with someone they are more than 15 years apart in age. It's not nice at all. The only gap in age that I can do both ways is maximum 3-5 years gap being being either older or younger.

Heatice said:

I don't get it why older people would be interested in getting into relationships with someone they are more than 15 years apart in age. It's not nice at all. The only gap in age that I can do both ways is maximum 3-5 years gap being being either older or younger.

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This is more like dating your own kid or dating your own mother or father when you're 15 years apart. I wonder how they would be communicating because of the wide variety in their age. It's not normal in any way for me.

TeeGee said:

There is a certain limit to how old a person is and if I could date or get Into a relationship with them.

7 years older or 7 years younger is fine above that is way too much for me.

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I find it very hard to believe that some people don't find it very disgusting dating someone who's too old to be there father or mother if they started having babies early. Although, I know that most of the time, they all do this because of the money and material gains they are likely to enjoy in the said relationship.

TeeGee said:

There is a certain limit to how old a person is and if I could date or get Into a relationship with them.

7 years older or 7 years younger is fine above that is way too much for me.

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I have been seeing a lot of young guys getting married to older ladies that are old enough to be their mother on social media platforms lately but I know for sure that it's all about the money.