The Cookout

Goldilocks · 10/8/21

It seems like the current dating atmosphere is all over they place. So many people with ill intentions, baggage or just lack communication skills that it is hard to meet people going in the same direction you are going.

My question to you all is, “How are you dating?”

Dating today lacks any sort of structure or rules. Have you structured your dating life? Do you have rules and guidelines that you go by when it comes to dating?

sourgrapes · 10/8/21

It has been a minute for me. I mean I tend to just meet guys as I go about my life. I met a few at work, some when I was out shopping, things like that. I have become increasingly picky though. Like a dude really has to put in the effort just to get my attention and get me out on a date. I am at that point in my life where I want a real man who is not afraid to commit and settle down. Slim pickings it seems!

Jay · 10/8/21

When I was dating I would have ZERO expectations and that stopped me from being disappointed after bad dates.

I would also engage in real meaningful dialogue to see where their mind and soul were at. I would always ask “what’s your goals in the next couple years, what motivates you, etc to see if we were truly compatible.

I would look at their behaviors: are they always late, how do they treat staff, how do the react to conflict to see if I could deal with them.

In summation,
I didn’t have rules persay but I had a process. I had a process of if I’m inviting her to a dinner date my only expectation is dinner, not good convo, not meeting my next wife, or anything…just dinner and let everything else flow. The next step was to probe to see how they think about and react to the world around them. I was dating a 38 year old who hadn’t learned how to face adversity, she would clam up at the first sign of it and then start blaming everyone around the situation and use that as justification to quit.

I had to do this:

…multiple times.

lexodyssey · 10/8/21

I'm similar to @sourgrapes. I've met a few through mutual friends or while I was out. I've tried dating apps here and there but never had any luck. I try to stay really aware of red flags and I think that makes me picky.

Red Velvet · 10/8/21

Goldilocks said:
It seems like the current dating atmosphere is all over they place. So many people with ill intentions, baggage or just lack communication skills that it is hard to meet people going in the same direction you are going.

My question to you all is, “How are you dating?”

Dating today lacks any sort of structure or rules. Have you structured your dating life? Do you have rules and guidelines that you go by when it comes to dating?

I largely date the men who are gutsy enough to approach me when I’m out and about. I want to get more into online dating though.

Maximum · 10/8/21

Red Velvet said:
I largely date the men who are gutsy enough to approach me when I’m out and about. I want to get more into online dating though.

Would you say youre intimidating to men?

Red Velvet · 10/8/21

Maximum said:
Would you say youre intimidating to men?

Yes but if you’re too afraid to approach then you and I weren’t meant to be.

TheHarmattan · 10/8/21

I only date women that keep their pedi appointments. No lie.

usher laugh

Goldilocks · 10/9/21

I have kinda just gone with the flow like a lot of you mentioned. Online dating is pretty cool for women because you can sort through men like a buffet. Lol However men online are sometimes kinda weird. Not necessarily creepy but their social kills seem to be lacking a lot of times. Met one decent dude recently. He’s a sports agent and he literally has zero time to date. Like none. I respect the hustle but damn I gonna see you at least a few time a month. Lol

But I decided I am gonna be more strategic. I prefer meeting people in person. I live in a nice area and Imma go find the most popping gym where everyone with matching Nike outfit goes. Lol Apparently the gym is the new club. Probably do some volunteer work too when I get any free time. I think if I go places where people who are going in my direction might go I’ll have better success.

Meeting men randomly isn’t going to work for me anymore. A regular guy isn’t going to want to date a woman like me.

sourgrapes · 10/9/21

Goldilocks said:
social kills seem to be lacking a lot of times

I noticed this with men for sure but believe it or not, a lot of women too. I think this is down to people being raised to have a different social standard. Like, think of all the people who grew up on social media platforms. When I was growing up, I had a phone but I wasn't heavy into texting until I was in my late teens. I also didn't spend much time on social platforms because they weren't as popular back then. I was on some forums so I learned how to communicate online which probably benefited me but I also still had that real-world experience. A lot of people, both men and women, are missing out on that IRL connection and I think it is hurting relationship prospects.

Goldilocks · 10/9/21

I understand but I am not really looking for a battle of the sexes dialogue. I am looking for the solutions people have put into place to better their dating lives. Complaining and making observations is fine but what’s the solution?

Nesut · 10/9/21

Goldilocks said:
I understand but I am not really looking for a battle of the sexes dialogue. I am looking for the solutions people have put into place to better their dating lives. Complaining and making observations is fine but what’s the solution?

I’ve adopted the bucket method:

Would smash (situationship)
Would date (relationship)
Would marry (marriage)

…after a couple dates I put them in the right category and ensure I temper their expectation. It’s helped a lot

Tati 304 · 10/9/21

How do I date? I sit at the bar looking cute and diss everyone until I meet the man I want.

Goldilocks · 10/9/21

Nesut said:
I’ve adopted the bucket method:

Would smash (situationship)

Would date (relationship)

Would marry (marriage)

…after a couple dates I put them in the right category and ensure I temper their expectation. It’s helped a lot

How does a woman get into each category?

Goldilocks · 10/9/21

Tati 304 said:
How do I date? I sit at the bar looking cute and diss everyone until I meet the man I want.

Nesut · 10/9/21

Goldilocks said:
How does a woman get into each category?

Great question:

Would smash (situationship) - If there is only physical attraction.
Would date (relationship) - If there is physical attraction, we have similar interests/goals, we have mental connection, we have good convo, and can see each other dating long term.
Would marry (marriage) - All of “would date” plus proven ability to resolve conflicts, strong communication, loyalty, love, commitment, she caters to me, she has no issue with my leadership, we get along well, my family likes her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Red Velvet · 10/9/21

Tati 304 said:
How do I date? I sit at the bar looking cute and diss everyone until I meet the man I want.

TheHarmattan · 10/9/21

Nesut said:
I’ve adopted the bucket method:

Would smash (situationship)

Would date (relationship)

Would marry (marriage)

…after a couple dates I put them in the right category and ensure I temper their expectation. It’s helped a lot

Would you smash if the math don't add up?

Nesut · 10/9/21

TheHarmattan said:
Would you smash if the math don't add up?

View attachment 341

If I’m physically attracted Im down.

TheHarmattan · 10/9/21

Nesut said:
If I’m physically attracted Im down.

Cool

TheHarmattan · 10/9/21

Nesut said:
If I’m physically attracted Im down.

What if she's 5'2" and she could wear Shaq's shoes?

Maximum · 10/10/21

Red Velvet said:
Yes but if you’re too afraid to approach then you and I weren’t meant to be.

I like the confidence

Red Velvet · 10/12/21

Maximum said:
I like the confidence

Thank you @Maximum

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