The Cookout

Kaydoe007 · 2/12/22

This is for The Bruthas and The Sistas ; Single or Coupled.

For the sake of clarity and moving forward within relationships; examining standards and expectations, tell us your views on this question.

🧑🏾‍🦱Bruthas: Is the Submission of your Female Mate Voluntary or Mandatory? Why?

👩🏾‍🦱Sistas: Would you rather have a Male Mate who is Passive/Submissive or Assertive/Governing? Why?

The Honorable · 2/12/22

Kaydoe007 said:
Bruthas: Is the Submission of your Female Mate Voluntary or Mandatory? Why?

I prefer a fluid partnership where I lead in my strengths and she leads in hers. I don’t have to be some tyrant or some domineering force. I consider myself the guider of the relationship but it’s definitely with the aid of my better half.

Kaydoe007 · 2/13/22

The Honorable said:
I prefer a fluid partnership where I lead in my strengths and she leads in hers. I don’t have to be some tyrant or some domineering force. I consider myself the guider of the relationship but it’s definitely with the aid of my better half.

Absolutely
We each play a role within the success of the relationship. If there were a circumstance where she and I were in a dire straights or an otherwise dangerous situation, it would be Imperative that as a man/leader, I provide proper instruction that lead to safety and security . It is important that she has the capacity and will to be fully receptive and able to execute instruction for her well-being also. As an analogy , in the game of Football; there is a quarterback and there is a receiver . They are apart of the same team, with the same goal.

Tati 304 · 2/13/22

Kaydoe007 said:
Sistas: Would you rather have a Male Mate who is Passive/Submissive or Assertive/Governing? Why?

I’ve dated a passive man before and it just didn’t last. When a man is as indecisive as me then we not gonna get anywhere. If I can’t decide a restaurant I want you as my man to be able to step up and select one. I also need my man to be assertive. Too many men are afraid to assert themselves because they are afraid to turn a woman off. They ask me out on a date and I’m like “What do you have in mind?” And he responds back “Well what did you want to do?” That’s a turn off for me.

Sapphire · 2/13/22

I prefer Assertive/Governing. I need a leader. I don't want a man who can't take care of business. I don't know how women make it last with men who are submissive. That is not for me. Now assertive does not mean aggressive, hostile, or controlling. That is something entirely different. I don't put up with that.

GwynShivers · 2/13/22

We sistahs agree, assertive/governing! A woman wants a man, not a boy & vice versa! 💯

Kaydoe007 · 2/14/22

Tati 304 said:
I’ve dated a passive man before and it just didn’t last. When a man is as indecisive as me then we not gonna get anywhere. If I can’t decide a restaurant I want you as my man to be able to step up and select one. I also need my man to be assertive. Too many men are afraid to assert themselves because they are afraid to turn a woman off. They ask me out on a date and I’m like “What do you have in mind?” And he responds back “Well what did you want to do?” That’s a turn off for me.

Great Point Tati 304
Indecisiveness on both sides leads to a practically infinite loop of complacency. There’s nothing wrong with a man gathering intel beforehand on what his women likes to do. However, When a man is undecided in a relationship, he also has no room to complain; if the women has to step up and make major decisions on behalf of each individual. This type of circumstance clearly may lead to an imbalance or even disputes because the women’s expectations have not been met . That becomes more like a women and child dynamic as opposed to a man and women.

Red Velvet · 2/14/22

Kaydoe007 said:
Would you rather have a Male Mate who is Passive/Submissive or Assertive/Governing? Why?

Assertive/Governing. When I ask myself certain questions I say “how would I feel about this concept if we were in the wild without grocery stores”. So when I think about the kind of man I want I think of how he would react if the economy collapsed and we need to get supplies and food.

I would not want the passive and submissive man at that point, I would resent him. He would be scared, he would be second guessing himself, he’d be unsure and I’d have to use my energy to talk him into being a man instead of keeping the family safe.

No thank you.

Kaydoe007 · 2/14/22

Red Velvet said:
Assertive/Governing. When I ask myself certain questions I say “how would I feel about this concept if we were in the wild without grocery stores”. So when I think about the kind of man I want I think of how he would react if the economy collapsed and we need to get supplies and food.

I would not want the passive and submissive man at that point, I would resent him. He would be scared, he would be second guessing himself, he’d be unsure and I’d have to use my energy to talk him into being a man instead of keeping the family safe.

No thank you.

Red Velvet said:

Assertive/Governing. When I ask myself certain questions I say “how would I feel about this concept if we were in the wild without grocery stores”. So when I think about the kind of man I want I think of how he would react if the economy collapsed and we need to get supplies and food.

I would not want the passive and submissive man at that point, I would resent him. He would be scared, he would be second guessing himself, he’d be unsure and I’d have to use my energy to talk him into being a man instead of keeping the family safe.

No thank

Click to expand...

Red Velvet said:
Assertive/Governing. When I ask myself certain questions I say “how would I feel about this concept if we were in the wild without grocery stores”. So when I think about the kind of man I want I think of how he would react if the economy collapsed and we need to get supplies and food.

I would not want the passive and submissive man at that point, I would resent him. He would be scared, he would be second guessing himself, he’d be unsure and I’d have to use my energy to talk him into being a man instead of keeping the family safe.

No thank you.

This is a Great Point Red Velvet
You stated a solid scenario assessing why that is your preference. It makes sense.

Kaydoe007 · 2/14/22

Tati 304 said:
I’ve dated a passive man before and it just didn’t last. When a man is as indecisive as me then we not gonna get anywhere. If I can’t decide a restaurant I want you as my man to be able to step up and select one. I also need my man to be assertive. Too many men are afraid to assert themselves because they are afraid to turn a woman off. They ask me out on a date and I’m like “What do you have in mind?” And he responds back “Well what did you want to do?” That’s a turn off for me.

Tati 304 You stated that you’ve dated a passive man before and it didn’t last. Why do you think a women would choose to date a passive man ?

Bruh Man · 2/14/22

It’s mando if I gotta lay my life down on the line to protect you you gotta listen to what I tell you. I ain’t playing the new age I don’t need no man jive Turkey shit.

Goldilocks · 2/14/22

I would just love a man that isn’t so ego driven meaning he isn’t highly sensitive and doesn’t feel like his ego is constantly must be upheld.

That is such a rare trait in men. Honestly probably only dated 1 guy like that. I just seems like men are super easily offended. You’re not allowed to talk about money (if you make too much that’s bad), can’t talk about your job (if you like your job to much that’s bad), can’t have too much experience before him (restaurant, going out), can’t make too many jokes, and then this new trend where men feel like they need to be “alpha “ men and in control at all times. Oh and don’t have a fundamental difference of opinion because it turns into a fight. I used to date a guy who would constantly want to argue about why he supported single parent households. It got to a point where I just told him I didn’t want to talk about it anymore but still bought bring it up.

Dating just feels like walking on egg shells at this point. Been wanting an easy going guy for years now. Idk if that’s passive. But I certainly am not interested in someone who harbors on the idea of being in control all the time. Either your a natural leader or you aren’t.

I just want someone to spend my time with who is pleasant. Obviously I don’t want a push over but the whole alpha male thing is ridiculous and played. I guys I want someone in the middle.

Tati 304 · 2/15/22

Kaydoe007 said:
Tati 304 You stated that you’ve dated a passive man before and it didn’t last. Why do you think a women would choose to date a passive man ?

Because she wants to be the boss or the house and any man with a spine aint gon have it.

Kaydoe007 · 2/15/22

Tati 304 said:
Because she wants to be the boss or the house and any man with a spine aint gon have it.

Understood and Well Stated . The clarity is appreciated

Kaydoe007 · 2/15/22

Goldilocks said:
I would just love a man that isn’t so ego driven meaning he isn’t highly sensitive and doesn’t feel like his ego is constantly must be upheld.

That is such a rare trait in men. Honestly probably only dated 1 guy like that. I just seems like men are super easily offended. You’re not allowed to talk about money (if you make too much that’s bad), can’t talk about your job (if you like your job to much that’s bad), can’t have too much experience before him (restaurant, going out), can’t make too many jokes, and then this new trend where men feel like they need to be “alpha “ men and in control at all times. Oh and don’t have a fundamental difference of opinion because it turns into a fight. I used to date a guy who would constantly want to argue about why he supported single parent households. It got to a point where I just told him I didn’t want to talk about it anymore but still bought bring it up.

Dating just feels like walking on egg shells at this point. Been wanting an easy going guy for years now. Idk if that’s passive. But I certainly am not interested in someone who harbors on the idea of being in control all the time. Either your a natural leader or you aren’t.

I just want someone to spend my time with who is pleasant. Obviously I don’t want a push over but the whole alpha male thing is ridiculous and played. I guys I want someone in the middle.

You make a solid point , Goldilocks
It seems like the definition of terms like “Alpha” and “Independent” are blown out of proportion at times. Especially within the context of individual traits. Inadvertently , they tend to inflate one’s ego to a point where they simply cannot get along with anyone. This applies to male or female, as ego isn’t limited to one sex. There are specific attributes that are naturally set for both the black man and black women, separately. However, It’s safe to say that a primary goal of any relationship is to attain harmony and balance; so it would be beneficial to not allow ego to supersede the bond. It certainly helps that you know what you truly desire and are genuine about it. 👍🏾

Kaydoe007 · 2/15/22

Bruh Man said:
It’s mando if I gotta lay my life down on the line to protect you you gotta listen to what I tell you. I ain’t playing the new age I don’t need no man jive Turkey shit.

Well-Stated Bruh Man 💪🏾💪🏾

Jay · 2/15/22

Kaydoe007 said:
Is the Submission of your Female Mate Voluntary or Mandatory? Why?

It's not mandatory it's earned. If I'm creating a plan I want my woman to have input and want her to be comfortable with it. Her submission is not a demand, it's by her own free will and accord and a product of my competence, follow through, and results. My $0.02 is that if you have to demand submission you either:

Dealing with someone who is damaged and will not submit
You not the nigga you claim to be, gotta step your game up

My relationship is not a dictatorship and I never want it to be. I also feel that I have to submit sometimes too. If you woman is the superior in a situation and your ego won't allow you to follow her, you a dumb ass.

Kaydoe007 · 2/16/22

Jay said:
It's not mandatory it's earned. If I'm creating a plan I want my woman to have input and want her to be comfortable with it. Her submission is not a demand, it's by her own free will and accord and a product of my competence, follow through, and results. My $0.02 is that if you have to demand submission you either:

Dealing with someone who is damaged and will not submit

You not the nigga you claim to be, gotta step your game up

My relationship is not a dictatorship and I never want it to be. I also feel that I have to submit sometimes too. If you woman is the superior in a situation and your ego won't allow you to follow her, you a dumb ass.

Spoken like a boss , Jay
Great Insight
This is why it is important for black men and black women to equip themselves competently; prior to even engaging in a relationship.

GwynShivers · 2/16/22

Respect is EARNED on both sides! It's a relationship not a RELATIONSHIT! 💯 Adults need to behave as such! ONLY YOU CAN DESTROY IT! Work together, get it together, or LEAVE IT ALONE! 💯

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