The Cookout

Sapphire · 8/17/22

Would you date someone who was 20 years or more older than you? If you are 40+, would you date someone in their 20's?

I see a lot of women and men out there doing this and most of the time, I am scratching my head at it. For me, the limit is 10. I will not date someone if they are over 10 years older or 10 years younger than me. As of now though, I wouldn't go more than 5 years younger cause I don't want to be dating someone fresh out of high school!

Troy · 8/17/22

I’ll have sex with any woman of consenting age if they look good but dating I like to stay within a 10 year range.

Up to 5 years older or younger.

Red Velvet · 8/17/22

I can’t do it sis either way.

20 years younger, too immature.
20 years older, too old.

This is probably the only time I agree with Troy but I like to date men closer to my age.

RCNAL · 8/17/22

No matter what your criteria is there are always exceptions and I've met them much younger than I would otherwise be embarrassed (but legal tender..lets not get it twisted..lol) and way older than I normally would have otherwise. Generally, I think its about a few things.

Men have to be physically attracted to the woman. I have made exceptions because the woman was 'beautiful' on the inside. My 'spiritual' wife is Nina Simone. Had I lived in her era, I'd have wifeyed her up quick. I actually have a thing for dark skin women. She isn't your 'classic' beauty but her soul resonates. I'd have married her at pretty much any age she was...lol.

One of the problems for many men, including myself these days is the sistas around our age is so damaged emotionally (I'm not blaming them all, some brotha or two did some gully ish emotionally on some) that you can't even date much less marry. I think the same in reverse for women I'd imagine.

There is something to be said about 'catching' a woman young enough that she hasn't been jaded and too cynical yet. My preference are black American women but its hard as hell to find quality over a certain age. American sisters are what I know best, what I grew up with, dated, befriended as homegirls, the whole 9. The term 'quality' is subjective, I may not be able to fully define it but I know it when I see it. And to be fair, I'm sure sistas can say the same about brothas in general.

I've seen that quality in foreign sisters but at the end of the day the cultural divide and beliefs (seeing white supremacy for what it is), makes many if not damn near all of them a no go for me. Unless you can mold them. (stop rolling your eyes sistas, yes, I said 'mold' haha). Canadian and some British sistas come closests. Especially Canadian sisters.

equis · 8/17/22

RCNAL said:
No matter what your criteria is there are always exceptions and I've met them much younger than I would otherwise be embarrassed (but legal tender..lets not get it twisted..lol) and way older than I normally would have otherwise. Generally, I think its about a few things.

Men have to be physically attracted to the woman. I have made exceptions because the woman was 'beautiful' on the inside. My 'spiritual' wife is Nina Simone. Had I lived in her era, I'd have wifeyed her up quick. I actually have a thing for dark skin women. She isn't your 'classic' beauty but her soul resonates. I'd have married her at pretty much any age she was...lol.

One of the problems for many men, including myself these days is the sistas around our age is so damaged emotionally (I'm not blaming them all, some brotha or two did some gully ish emotionally on some) that you can't even date much less marry. I think the same in reverse for women I'd imagine.

There is something to be said about 'catching' a woman young enough that she hasn't been jaded and too cynical yet. My preference are black American women but its hard as hell to find quality over a certain age. American sisters are what I know best, what I grew up with, dated, befriended as homegirls, the whole 9. The term 'quality' is subjective, I may not be able to fully define it but I know it when I see it. And to be fair, I'm sure sistas can say the same about brothas in general.

I've seen that quality in foreign sisters but at the end of the day the cultural divide and beliefs (seeing white supremacy for what it is), makes many if not damn near all of them a no go for me. Unless you can mold them. (stop rolling your eyes sistas, yes, I said 'mold' haha). Canadian and some British sistas come closests. Especially Canadian sisters.

I've been noticing a pattern of older men dating very young and I have to agree. I think there's a big issue with them not wanting the damaged women who are around their age. Personally my belief is that as long as there's intentions on the man's part of taking the woman seriously, and they genuinely care for each other, an age gap of 20 years could work weather either the man or woman is younger or older. (But of course it's jarring to see and there's a lot of nuance that would be difficult to get into with this post).

It is sad though that many men and women are resorting to dating outside of their generation due to the state of modern relationships between men and women. So many people are walking around damaged and looking for the next relationship to dump their dirty laundry in.

Heatice · 8/17/22

I'm not looking at dating my mother's age please!!!

There's no way I would see it working out because we would be too far stretched in our age and experience.

Our discussions based on on what we have experienced in life would be very different.

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

I'm damn near 50 so 20 years older ain't happening🤣 My oldest daughter is 23 so she has to be 10 years older than her and that's still on an individual basis....

Red Velvet · 8/20/22

Ol Dirty Texan said:
I'm damn near 50 so 20 years older ain't happening🤣 My oldest daughter is 23 so she has to be 10 years older than her and that's still on an individual basis....

Why no 70 year olds? They need some Texas Hot Link too.

Nesut · 8/20/22

RCNAL said:
No matter what your criteria is there are always exceptions and I've met them much younger than I would otherwise be embarrassed (but legal tender..lets not get it twisted..lol) and way older than I normally would have otherwise. Generally, I think its about a few things.

Men have to be physically attracted to the woman. I have made exceptions because the woman was 'beautiful' on the inside. My 'spiritual' wife is Nina Simone. Had I lived in her era, I'd have wifeyed her up quick. I actually have a thing for dark skin women. She isn't your 'classic' beauty but her soul resonates. I'd have married her at pretty much any age she was...lol.

One of the problems for many men, including myself these days is the sistas around our age is so damaged emotionally (I'm not blaming them all, some brotha or two did some gully ish emotionally on some) that you can't even date much less marry. I think the same in reverse for women I'd imagine.

There is something to be said about 'catching' a woman young enough that she hasn't been jaded and too cynical yet. My preference are black American women but its hard as hell to find quality over a certain age. American sisters are what I know best, what I grew up with, dated, befriended as homegirls, the whole 9. The term 'quality' is subjective, I may not be able to fully define it but I know it when I see it. And to be fair, I'm sure sistas can say the same about brothas in general.

I've seen that quality in foreign sisters but at the end of the day the cultural divide and beliefs (seeing white supremacy for what it is), makes many if not damn near all of them a no go for me. Unless you can mold them. (stop rolling your eyes sistas, yes, I said 'mold' haha). Canadian and some British sistas come closests. Especially Canadian sisters.

It may offend some and we Black men sure ain’t perfect but in addition to the baggage there is hella weight issues too.

I see so many overweight women calling themselves thick and I’m l thinking to myself

The higher up in age you go, the % of overweight Black American women increases.

Once again, it may offend but we got to keep it a buck.

Sapphire · 8/20/22

equis said:
I've been noticing a pattern of older men dating very young and I have to agree. I think there's a big issue with them not wanting the damaged women who are around their age. Personally my belief is that as long as there's intentions on the man's part of taking the woman seriously, and they genuinely care for each other, an age gap of 20 years could work weather either the man or woman is younger or older. (But of course it's jarring to see and there's a lot of nuance that would be difficult to get into with this post).

It is sad though that many men and women are resorting to dating outside of their generation due to the state of modern relationships between men and women. So many people are walking around damaged and looking for the next relationship to dump their dirty laundry in.

You can see this happening for all men though and women are not exactly hating it. Like why would a 40-year-old man date a mid to late 30-something when he can date a 23-year-old and treat her right, have a family with her, etc.? Women see older men as a means to provide and older men see younger women as a means to reproduce.

So unless you find someone close to your age prior to the age of 25, there is a GOOD chance you will end up dating someone younger if you are a man just to avoid the mess. They say that after the age of 28, if you are looking to date around your age, there is a good chance the majority will be single moms.

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

Red Velvet said:
Why no 70 year olds? They need some Texas Hot Link too.

🤣 🤣 🤣🤣🤣

TeeGee · 8/20/22

Seriously though, I can't date someone who is 20 years older than me maybe 7 years age difference could be considered but 20 - no way, she is already old enough to be my mom.

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

Red Velvet said:
Why no 70 year olds? They need some Texas Hot Link too.

Ol school Willie nem will handle them for me.....

Troy · 8/20/22

Ol Dirty Texan said:
Ol school Willie nem will handle them for me.....

Terrymist · 8/20/22

Troy said:
View attachment 3654

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

Troy said:
View attachment 3654

Yup,them 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Rollie Forbes · 8/20/22

When I was in my 20's, I dated a woman who was in her early 40's. It was great, she was really good to me.
I fumbled that one though, because I was too busy listening to people outside of our relationship, and I let a good woman get away.

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

Rollie Forbes said:
When I was in my 20's, I dated a woman who was in her early 40's. It was great, she was really good to me.
I fumbled that one though, because I was too busy listening to people outside of our relationship, and I let a good woman get away.

I did too I was young,dumb,and you know the rest....I thought sitting around playing madden was ok

Rollie Forbes · 8/20/22

Ol Dirty Texan said:
I did too I was young,dumb,and you know the rest....I thought sitting around playing madden was ok

Bruh, I was young & dumb, but as far as that other thing, she kept my 🥜 empty & my belly full, dig?
She was on her job!

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

Rollie Forbes said:
Bruh, I was young & dumb, but as far as that other thing, she kept my 🥜 empty & my belly full, dig?
She was on her job!

The one the got away lol

Rollie Forbes · 8/20/22

Ol Dirty Texan said:
The one the got away lol

If I had a time machine, I'd go back and kick all my friends' asses for talking me into leaving her.

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

Rollie Forbes said:
If I had a time machine, I'd go back and kick all my friends' asses for talking me into leaving her.
View attachment 3655

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jay · 8/20/22

Rollie Forbes said:
When I was in my 20's, I dated a woman who was in her early 40's. It was great, she was really good to me.
I fumbled that one though, because I was too busy listening to people outside of our relationship, and I let a good woman get away.

You would have been wiping her ass right now. Don’t let the nostalgia cloud s on mr of the realities you probably saw at the time.

Deleted member 405 · 8/20/22

Jay said:
You would have been wiping her ass right now. Don’t let the nostalgia cloud s on mr of the realities you probably saw at the time.

🤣🤣🤣😍

Rollie Forbes · 8/20/22

Jay said:
You would have been wiping her ass right now. Don’t let the nostalgia cloud s on mr of the realities you probably saw at the time.

I have kids, and I worked in an assisted living home back in the day. I've wiped asses before. Light work.

Jay · 8/20/22

Rollie Forbes said:
I have kids, and I worked in an assisted living home back in the day. I've wiped asses before. Light work.

Ok so she was definitely the one that got away.

StayingHumble · 8/20/22

As some that's 37 I never thought I would be dating a younger woman but now I am .

StayingHumble · 8/20/22

Sapphire said:
Would you date someone who was 20 years or more older than you? If you are 40+, would you date someone in their 20's?

I see a lot of women and men out there doing this and most of the time, I am scratching my head at it. For me, the limit is 10. I will not date someone if they are over 10 years older or 10 years younger than me. As of now though, I wouldn't go more than 5 years younger cause I don't want to be dating someone fresh out of high school!

Who are you dating right now?

equis · 8/20/22

Sapphire said:
You can see this happening for all men though and women are not exactly hating it. Like why would a 40-year-old man date a mid to late 30-something when he can date a 23-year-old and treat her right, have a family with her, etc.? Women see older men as a means to provide and older men see younger women as a means to reproduce.

So unless you find someone close to your age prior to the age of 25, there is a GOOD chance you will end up dating someone younger if you are a man just to avoid the mess. They say that after the age of 28, if you are looking to date around your age, there is a good chance the majority will be single moms.

That's honestly a good point. I feel like in this day and age it's easy to forget the role that biology plays in choosing partners and relationships overall. Many men in their 40s aren't looking for simple "companionship" but to build something stable after growing into themselves. This is some good food for thought.

Barida · 8/21/22

I believe this can work for a man. I mean a man can have no issues dating someone he is 20 years older than. However, I doubt it is going to work in a relationship where the woman is much older than the man as it will be difficult for the man to control such relationship. Hence, issues coming up here and there.

Sapphire · 8/21/22

equis said:
That's honestly a good point. I feel like in this day and age it's easy to forget the role that biology plays in choosing partners and relationships overall. Many men in their 40s aren't looking for simple "companionship" but to build something stable after growing into themselves. This is some good food for thought.

The way women are today benefits older men. It allows them to take their time and make something of themselves because they know when they are older and have good income, they can be with an attractive younger woman and still have a family. Ladies are pressured because we all have the ticking biology clock and if we don't find someone by the age of 35, there is a good chance we won't have kids.

Sapphire · 8/21/22

StayingHumble said:
Who are you dating right now?

No one at the moment. I have been on a few dates but the chemistry was off and we didn't have much in common. My friend is trying to hook me up with her brother's friend at the moment. I am undecided on if I want to go on date with him or not. He is 35.

AChris · 8/21/22

I was in my 30s and dated a man who was 16 years my senior. I thought I could learn a lot from him, and he did teach me some things that I still value today. I also learned that he didn't think he could learn anything from me. Since then, I have dated within 10 years older and 3 years younger; 20+ years up/down is a firm No.👎🏾

Red Velvet · 8/21/22

AChris said:
I was in my 30s and dated a man who was 16 years my senior. I thought I could learn a lot from him, and he did teach me some things that I still value today. I also learned that he didn't think he could learn anything from me. Since then, I have dated within 10 years older and 3 years younger; 20+ years up/down is a firm No.👎🏾

I’ve been there and the age wasn’t that far apart but the thick headedness was in full form. He wouldn’t listen to anything I said. It didn’t matter if if was grocery shopping, getting something to eat, working on his school work he felt like he was the man and he was right. I got tired of being undervalued and left. I never been happier.

Sapphire · 8/22/22

Rollie Forbes said:
I have kids, and I worked in an assisted living home back in the day. I've wiped asses before. Light work.

You know what, I have to give you MAJOR props for this. Like for real. Most people would not do this. I sure as hell wouldn't. I can do it with babies and young animals if they are my own but damn man, you were out there wiping old ass and probably not even complaining.

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