The Cookout

[sourgrapes]

Say you are dating someone and you are really thinking of your future together but you and his/her family do not get along. Maybe some of them downright hate you for whatever reason. How do you handle this?

I am asking cause I am paranoid about this happening to me. I mentioned seeing someone new. We had gone on a handful of dates already and are really having some chemistry. He wants me to go to his brother's surprise 40th birthday party next month and I am worried his fam will not like me and if that will set us back.

 

[Blackgravity]

Say you are dating someone and you are really thinking of your future together but you and his/her family do not get along. Maybe some of them downright hate you for whatever reason. How do you handle this?

I am asking cause I am paranoid about this happening to me. I mentioned seeing someone new. We had gone on a handful of dates already and are really having some chemistry. He wants me to go to his brother's surprise 40th birthday party next month and I am worried his fam will not like me and if that will set us back.

why would you even think they might not like you? did he say something that indicated you might be an issue for someone in his family?

 

[Deleted member 231]

I don't know you Sourgrapes, but you strike me as someone who may have a tendency to overthink things. If this guy's family hates you, consider it a blessing. Something no one told me is how much you are married to the family as much as the person you're dating. Use this opportunity to mentally note everything you see regarding his family. Chances are he may share similar traits which you may or may not find distasteful. You can easily marry into a crazy family and find yourself splitting DNA with them if/when you have kids. But it sounds like its really early. The chacnes are this won't work out, but that doesn't mean you can't learn from it. Maybe you should just enjoy each other's company and take things as they come. Trust me. If you rush through this, there will come a day where you and this guy are wishing that you took things slower and just enjoyed the gettting to know each other process. because once you start planning weddings, having kids it becomes just as much work as it is anythign else. And really, the way things are going, it may be a good idea to start looking for someone who you may have to survive a catastrophic wordly event. Think: "If me and this guy are the only two people left on Earth, how well will we work together. Will this guy increase my chances of survival? Would we make a good team? That will be more important than what his music tastes are, or if he has a great smile.

 

[sourgrapes]

I do. I overthink a lot. I have issues with anxiety. I feel like I got this from my mother. She was always worried about us kids growing up and worrying about nonsense that was out of her control but I see it, I feel like I am going through the same patterns. I shouldn't be worrying about this stuff. Nothing happened to make me worry but I always find myself looking two steps ahead instead of enjoying the moment.

 

[GwynShivers]

Juse like everyone else, liked by some & not liked by others. It doesn't really bother me, unless there's physical contact, when I've already decided to walk away. If you're still hell bent on this dog walking, then so be it! 💯

 

[Deleted member 231]

I do. I overthink a lot. I have issues with anxiety. I feel like I got this from my mother. She was always worried about us kids growing up and worrying about nonsense that was out of her control but I see it, I feel like I am going through the same patterns. I shouldn't be worrying about this stuff. Nothing happened to make me worry but I always find myself looking two steps ahead instead of enjoying the moment.

well, you probably make a good chess player :-)

i only say that because you remind me of me in my early 20's. I spent so much time thinking ahead that it was paralyzing.....something that did help me to be more in the moment is learning about breathing and Zen Buddhism...the other thing I did was this form of therapy called EMDR

I've been less stressed and anxious ever since.

 

[James]

It is always hard to make everyone happy. For me, if you and her are happy to see good future you should go for and may be try to make them happy if they are really want to listen.

 

[sourgrapes]

well, you probably make a good chess player :-)

i only say that because you remind me of me in my early 20's. I spent so much time thinking ahead that it was paralyzing.....something that did help me to be more in the moment is learning about breathing and Zen Buddhism...the other thing I did was this form of therapy called EMDR

I've been less stressed and anxious ever since.

Going to look into this, thanks for the suggestions. A friend of mine was recommending I give CBT a try but I feel like you need to work with a therapist to get the most out of that and I don't have time in my schedule for that right now.

 

[GwynShivers]

Juse like everyone else, liked by some & not liked by others. It doesn't really bother me, unless there's physical contact, when I've already decided to walk away. If you're still hell bent on this dog walking, then so be it! 💯

*Just

I do. I overthink a lot. I have issues with anxiety. I feel like I got this from my mother. She was always worried about us kids growing up and worrying about nonsense that was out of her control but I see it, I feel like I am going through the same patterns. I shouldn't be worrying about this stuff. Nothing happened to make me worry but I always find myself looking two steps ahead instead of enjoying the moment.

If you don't have a tool, get one & train. If there's military or law enforcement personnel in your family, there's your help.