The Cookout

[Sapphire]

We live in a different time at this point and a lot of dating starts online and on apps. Most people who meet locally, in person do so through school or work. Very few actually seem to start a lasting relationship at the bar, nightclub, or general hobby spot.

For those of you who are still dating, single, etc. - what are some solid modern dating tips you would offer to other black people?

 

[RCNAL]

At some point, better sooner than later, get yourself mentally/emotionally for an honest assessment of where you are in the dating market place. That's for both men and women. I recall wondering why quality sisters weren't biting on dating apps several years ago and I had to look at myself and ask why? I ask for brutal honesty from home girls after showing them my profile. They told me, I come off much better in person than I do online.

Also, for sisters, go to the places where the guys you want are. But if you aren't physically appealing to them it won't matter. For example, volunteer for a political campaign for a black candidate is one method. Why? Any single brother in that person's campaign is gonna be serious, almost always a professional. Go to the fundraisers or annual meetings of any black professional organization. Black lawyers, accountants, doctors, engineers, etc, most have all kinds of annual events.

 

[Sapphire]

At some point, better sooner than later, get yourself mentally/emotionally for an honest assessment of where you are in the dating market place. That's for both men and women. I recall wondering why quality sisters weren't biting on dating apps several years ago and I had to look at myself and ask why? I ask for brutal honesty from home girls after showing them my profile. They told me, I come off much better in person than I do online.

Also, for sisters, go to the places where the guys you want are. But if you aren't physically appealing to them it won't matter. For example, volunteer for a political campaign for a black candidate is one method. Why? Any single brother in that person's campaign is gonna be serious, almost always a professional. Go to the fundraisers or annual meetings of any black professional organization. Black lawyers, accountants, doctors, engineers, etc, most have all kinds of annual events.

You think people still meet in church? I know back in the day that is where a lot of relationships were formed and they were some of the most stable ones. These days, it doesn't seem to be the case much at all. My parents met in a church that was fundraising to help the youth.

 

[RCNAL]

You think people still meet in church? I know back in the day that is where a lot of relationships were formed and they were some of the most stable ones. These days, it doesn't seem to be the case much at all. My parents met in a church that was fundraising to help the youth.

Church isn't a good place to meet someone if you are a woman these days. Man? Yes...kinda. Won't go into why. Only men in church these days are those with their saved wives and guys who hit bottom and recovering. White folks go to therapy, black people go to church. The Black church is female. You have a few men in charge and mostly women supporting it. If you are under 30 definitely not church. Young people stopped going to church in numbers years ago. Those big mega churches...maybe but you gotta join one of the groups. The singles group is a pick up spot in mega churches. As effed up as it is, the brothers doing decently who go to church are the sell outs in big white churches. They are dating Becky and have good jobs. Broke n*ggas ain't going to Hillsong. But you could find 1 or 2 of the bunch and there aren't man sisters competing for him there.

Go where the eligible black men are. Join the Urban League or go to their function if you are an older woman. Broke n*ggas aren't in the Urban League, yes, most are married but the single / divorced ones are trying to do something for the community but not street enough to join a grassroots organization.

If you are older Jazz and or Blues festivals, and the more expensive ones. Older Pookie and Ray Ray aren't paying that kind of money to go to Monterey. The marines in various places have a big get together for the Marine's birthday, meaning the day the Marines were started. More than enough brothers with a good ass Marine pension.

Large sports bars when its March Madness, your local city is in the play offs for b-ball or football pros or college. You will get a mix of guys. But it will be a mostly male crowd. If you want a bit more paid, go watch the game at the better hotels bars. Especially the hotels near the airport. You have businessmen traveling there.

Instead of match.com or tinder or whatever, there are online black forums for tech, etc. Join one on FB since there is no avatar and you can see who is who. There are local meet ups or you can organize one and say you wanna talk to people as you are a beginner.

 

[Barida]

Just be honest with your partner. There is no big deal in letting your partner know the truth in a particular situation as that is one way they can get to trust you more. Trust is lacking in most relationships nowadays with people now playing mind games with people they claim to love.

 

[Maxwell]

I have never tried online dating apps, I'm not sure how that's going to work with me. In most cases, for the one's that I have dated, I meet them in school, events and airport. The only advice that I'm going to give to any black out there that's looking at getting into a relationship would be to never be in a rush to start a relationship with anyone. Take your time and become good friends. Over the time, you will get to learn more about the person in order to be sure if he or she is the kind of person you want to be with for a long time.

 

[Sapphire]

Church isn't a good place to meet someone if you are a woman these days. Man? Yes...kinda. Won't go into why. Only men in church these days are those with their saved wives and guys who hit bottom and recovering. White folks go to therapy, black people go to church. The Black church is female. You have a few men in charge and mostly women supporting it. If you are under 30 definitely not church. Young people stopped going to church in numbers years ago. Those big mega churches...maybe but you gotta join one of the groups. The singles group is a pick up spot in mega churches. As effed up as it is, the brothers doing decently who go to church are the sell outs in big white churches. They are dating Becky and have good jobs. Broke n*ggas ain't going to Hillsong. But you could find 1 or 2 of the bunch and there aren't man sisters competing for him there.

Go where the eligible black men are. Join the Urban League or go to their function if you are an older woman. Broke n*ggas aren't in the Urban League, yes, most are married but the single / divorced ones are trying to do something for the community but not street enough to join a grassroots organization.

If you are older Jazz and or Blues festivals, and the more expensive ones. Older Pookie and Ray Ray aren't paying that kind of money to go to Monterey. The marines in various places have a big get together for the Marine's birthday, meaning the day the Marines were started. More than enough brothers with a good ass Marine pension.

Large sports bars when its March Madness, your local city is in the play offs for b-ball or football pros or college. You will get a mix of guys. But it will be a mostly male crowd. If you want a bit more paid, go watch the game at the better hotels bars. Especially the hotels near the airport. You have businessmen traveling there.

Instead of match.com or tinder or whatever, there are online black forums for tech, etc. Join one on FB since there is no avatar and you can see who is who. There are local meet ups or you can organize one and say you wanna talk to people as you are a beginner.

This makes sense, 100%. I guess things have changed a lot, some for the better and some for the way worse. Seems like you just want to meet people where your hobbies and heart is. So you share something in common beyond the relationship, something you can build a friendship on.