The Cookout

[Finesse]

Relationships can be messy and scary, but have you ever been in a relationship where your girlfriend or boyfriend was a pain to be with. Maybe they had a hot temper, or maybe they hit you/were abusive towards you. Or maybe they were just mentally not all there and were a threat to your life.

Have you ever had a really chaotic relationship? There was this one girl I dated around 10 years ago. She was awesome at first. Kind, humble, smart, and sexy as can be. But after she finished college and got a job working as in intern, she started to become a monster. She would put me down, call me every name in the book, hit me when she was really messed up and so on. I found out later that she wasn't interning at all, she was sleeping with her boss who was giving her money to do "stuff" and she went along with it. She ended up breaking up with me to date the dude.

I never understood what had happened. One minute she was the one, and then she just changed. Like she became a new person. We tried to get back together when she sobered up, but I started to see the signs again and called it there. I hear she's doing much better and I wish her all the best, but damn, I can't date her again. No way.

Have you ever had a relationship like that?

 

[eclipsed]

A lot of people put on a front where they appear to be everything you want in a partner. Like they actually do it without even realizing it. I witnessed it a few times firsthand. The issue with this though is that you end up committed to a person who is nothing like they were when you first met them. It kind of sets the relationship to fail, crazy or not. I have never been with a crazy person myself but I have had friends who have been through it.

 

[RedMoon]

I've never been with a crazy person but an old friend of mine has. He hooked up with this girl who was way older than him and she managed to separate him from every single one of his friends and family. We haven't spoken in years but I think they're still together. He was super smart, had full academic scholarships to top schools but he ended up moving into a beat up apartment and helping raise her 3 kids. Last I heard, he was doing odd jobs to make ends meet, hadn't spoken to his parents in years, and never went to school. She would do crap like make up stories where she fought off attackers in gas stations or after one big fight they had she claimed she may have cancer because a blood test came back wrong (it didn't) - just anything to keep him feeling like he had to take care of her. It was really a shame.

 

[Bruh Man]

yes and I pay her child support

 

[Jay]

A lot of people put on a front where they appear to be everything you want in a partner. Like they actually do it without even realizing it. I witnessed it a few times firsthand. The issue with this though is that you end up committed to a person who is nothing like they were when you first met them. It kind of sets the relationship to fail, crazy or not. I have never been with a crazy person myself but I have had friends who have been through it.

Yes, the term I like the best is “meeting their representative“. When you first start dating, you’re meeting the representative and sometimes that representative is so far from the real person and so you have to take time and ask the right questions and see their behaviors to see if representative = who they really are.

I've never been with a crazy person but an old friend of mine has. He hooked up with this girl who was way older than him and she managed to separate him from every single one of his friends and family. We haven't spoken in years but I think they're still together. He was super smart, had full academic scholarships to top schools but he ended up moving into a beat up apartment and helping raise her 3 kids. Last I heard, he was doing odd jobs to make ends meet, hadn't spoken to his parents in years, and never went to school. She would do crap like make up stories where she fought off attackers in gas stations or after one big fight they had she claimed she may have cancer because a blood test came back wrong (it didn't) - just anything to keep him feeling like he had to take care of her. It was really a shame.

Sounds like he got involved with a narcicist which is scary and abusive. I was in that same predicament but had the courage to leave. The emotional manipulation, constant roller coaster of emotions, and etc is so draining.

 

[RedMoon]

Sounds like he got involved with a narcicist which is scary and abusive. I was in that same predicament but had the courage to leave. The emotional manipulation, constant roller coaster of emotions, and etc is so draining.

For sure. Good on you for having the courage to leave - It's not always easy.

 

[Deleted member 1946]

Yes, the term I like the best is “meeting their representative“. When you first start dating, you’re meeting the representative and sometimes that representative is so far from the real person and so you have to take time and ask the right questions and see their behaviors to see if representative = who they really are.



Sounds like he got involved with a narcicist which is scary and abusive. I was in that same predicament but had the courage to leave. The emotional manipulation, constant roller coaster of emotions, and etc is so draining.

I love this response. "Meeting their representative." I gotta use that expression.

 

[Jay]

I love this response. "Meeting their representative." I gotta use that expression.

Yes when I first heard it, it made things so clear. I started to make sure I wasn’t showing up as my representative and being my authentic self at all times.

 

[Roparker71]

Relationships can be messy and scary, but have you ever been in a relationship where your girlfriend or boyfriend was a pain to be with. Maybe they had a hot temper, or maybe they hit you/were abusive towards you. Or maybe they were just mentally not all there and were a threat to your life.

Have you ever had a really chaotic relationship? There was this one girl I dated around 10 years ago. She was awesome at first. Kind, humble, smart, and sexy as can be. But after she finished college and got a job working as in intern, she started to become a monster. She would put me down, call me every name in the book, hit me when she was really messed up and so on. I found out later that she wasn't interning at all, she was sleeping with her boss who was giving her money to do "stuff" and she went along with it. She ended up breaking up with me to date the dude.

I never understood what had happened. One minute she was the one, and then she just changed. Like she became a new person. We tried to get back together when she sobered up, but I started to see the signs again and called it there. I hear she's doing much better and I wish her all the best, but damn, I can't date her again. No way.

Have you ever had a relationship like that?

I can honestly tell you that I've been there... the mother of my only child is very toxic (for lack of a better term)... I would get cussed out for no reason, insulted and put down, at one point she tried to be violent (years of Wing Chun Kung-Fu and Kenpo Karate changed her mind on that real quick)... I finally bounced and met the person that I'm married to right now... and it's true... when you first meet a person, you're meeting their representative...

 

[RCNAL]

I was the crazy one.