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Dealing with anxiety and the past

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I am trying to learn to be more forgiving toward myself . I want to let things go and grow into a better well adjusted person and I want to apologize to the world and everyone I have hurt in the past . I was completely misguided and I wasn't thinking clearly . I feel as though I am misunderstood and my intentions are taken out of context and I want to set the record straight . I dont hate anyone im not trying to bother anyone it feels good for me some times to express myself and talk things out . I want do the right things for myself and the ones I care about most . I just want to find a community that accepts me for my quirks and interests . I feel as though I got mislabeled and I understand what the power of words have . I am not a kid anymore and being clear direct with my words and actions are probably the best course of action for me . I am no revolutionary I am not trying to undermine anyone I am not a government agent I just want the best for myself . I hope this little spiel makes sense .
 

Jay

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    I am trying to learn to be more forgiving toward myself . I want to let things go and grow into a better well adjusted person and I want to apologize to the world and everyone I have hurt in the past . I was completely misguided and I wasn't thinking clearly . I feel as though I am misunderstood and my intentions are taken out of context and I want to set the record straight . I dont hate anyone im not trying to bother anyone it feels good for me some times to express myself and talk things out . I want do the right things for myself and the ones I care about most . I just want to find a community that accepts me for my quirks and interests . I feel as though I got mislabeled and I understand what the power of words have . I am not a kid anymore and being clear direct with my words and actions are probably the best course of action for me . I am no revolutionary I am not trying to undermine anyone I am not a government agent I just want the best for myself . I hope this little spiel makes sense .
    This is a lot to unpack and it’s probably because it’s one paragraph covering hundreds if not thousands of situations in the past that needed to come out. I’ll tell you this:
    1. You will never be able to please everybody
    2. When you take risks, you will sometimes hurt others
    3. Find out who YOU are and who YOU want to be and stay true to that at all times
    4. Apologize to those you hurt in the past,give yourself permission to move on, and then reread #1.
    From what I can deduce, you’re stuck in the past and it’s eating you up inside. You think about all the different times in the past where you’ve done something wrong and it makes you cringe. This is all speculation but you need to let go of the past and live for TODAY and live for YOURSELF. Sometimes people will be mad when you had the best of intentions and sometimes you may hurt people with the best of intentions, you know what I do? I explain my intention, attempt to repair any damage I caused, and then MOVE on. If they’re still upset after I apologized and fixed things then it’s heir burden not mine.

    Get counseling man, work through these issues so that you can come out the other end the man you want to be. You’ve very close, much closer than you think. You’re talking about it and you want to make the change and that’s the biggest and hardest step to take. Life is the shortest most longest thing we all do and so you owe it to yourself to troubleshoot and recalibrate your emotional systems so that you can live a long and fulfilling life.

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    Blackgravity

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    I knows exactly how you feel, I've wanted to do the same at an earlier time in my life, but not everyone is ready for apologies. I've done things in my past that's hurt people, things I'm not proud of, some things you just have to live with and deal with them. I try not to think about things I have no control over, I focus on the here and now. I'm too old to waste time and energy on things that can't or won't change. After a while I just didn't give AF.
    I always ask myself "in 50 years, what's it going to matter?".. Nothing. Do what makes you feel good, don't stress your life away, we get one ride and one ride only.. Don't waste it.
    From this point forward, just try to live like you've always meant to, nobody is perfect.
     

    sourgrapes

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    I think we have all hurt people in one way or another. I know I have. Some people are willing to accept apologies, and others just don't want to hear it. We can't stay in the past though hoping things will change. We have to be willing to move forward, even if those from our pasts are not willing to.
     

    Lamont

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    I knows exactly how you feel, I've wanted to do the same at an earlier time in my life, but not everyone is ready for apologies. I've done things in my past that's hurt people, things I'm not proud of, some things you just have to live with and deal with them. I try not to think about things I have no control over, I focus on the here and now. I'm too old to waste time and energy on things that can't or won't change. After a while I just didn't give AF.
    I always ask myself "in 50 years, what's it going to matter?".. Nothing. Do what makes you feel good, don't stress your life away, we get one ride and one ride only.. Don't waste it.
    From this point forward, just try to live like you've always meant to, nobody is perfect.
    Also, in these situations the “injured” party has already moved on while we stay imprisoned to our thoughts and feelings.
     
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    I truly appreciate the support and kind words it truly means alot . What hurts me so bad is the fact I dishonored myself and regret that day with all of my heart . I know she's not gonna read this or even know I said this but Aleah I am sorry I was out of my mind that day and that person wasn't me or anything close to me forgive me .
     

    Jay

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    I truly appreciate the support and kind words it truly means alot . What hurts me so bad is the fact I dishonored myself and regret that day with all of my heart . I know she's not gonna read this or even know I said this but Aleah I am sorry I was out of my mind that day and that person wasn't me or anything close to me forgive me .

    All I think about are my bad decisionsthinkingbrotha
    My lady @Caprice gave me this great line to say when I’m having similar thoughts “this thought does not serve me”. It helps because sometones I think about the stupidest most inconsequential bad decisions that others probably long forgot about.
     

    Sovereign

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    I'm not a weirdo on my life
    Joe you need to stop thinking about what others think of you. Cats is always gonna have an issue with you no matter if you good, bad, happy, or sad so just do you and let the cards fall where they will.
     

    Best4_me

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    I truly appreciate the support and kind words it truly means alot . What hurts me so bad is the fact I dishonored myself and regret that day with all of my heart . I know she's not gonna read this or even know I said this but Aleah I am sorry I was out of my mind that day and that person wasn't me or anything close to me forgive me .
    Life is hard, but there are lessons to be learned. Sometimes the lessons are learned after pain has been caused. The point is to learn the lesson and grow from it. it seems you are growing. No one ever said it would be easy. All we can do is seek help when needed, search within ourself for improvement and work towards making things right now and for the future.

    Go in peace and love.
     

    Red Velvet

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    Life is hard, but there are lessons to be learned. Sometimes the lessons are learned after pain has been caused. The point is to learn the lesson and grow from it. it seems you are growing. No one ever said it would be easy. All we can do is seek help when needed, search within ourself for improvement and work towards making things right now and for the future.

    Go in peace and love.
    Great perspective Sis.
     

    lexodyssey

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    I think we have all hurt people in one way or another. I know I have. Some people are willing to accept apologies, and others just don't want to hear it. We can't stay in the past though hoping things will change. We have to be willing to move forward, even if those from our pasts are not willing to.
    This is so true. We've all made mistakes and hurt people but you can't change the past. The best thing to do is the learn, grow, and move forward.
     

    Troy

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    Life is hard, but there are lessons to be learned. Sometimes the lessons are learned after pain has been caused. The point is to learn the lesson and grow from it. it seems you are growing. No one ever said it would be easy. All we can do is seek help when needed, search within ourself for improvement and work towards making things right now and for the future.

    Go in peace and love.
    Great post and I agree. There’s a reason why they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
     

    Caprice

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    You are not your mistakes. Give yourself some grace and applaud yourself for your awareness and accountability. Unfortunately what’s done is done, but once you know better you do better. You have to release the past, and grow from it. Character speaks volumes so forget what people are saying about you and let your true self shine. Keep your head up.
     
    D

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    @StayingHumble I moonlight as a real estate investor. Wholesaling and JV deals. I follow a lot of successful and popular investors Max Maxwell, Jerry Norton and Antonio Edwards being some of the main ones I follow. But this one guy, Cody Sperber, I came across one of his videos at a time when he colossally fucked up a deal. He shared the conversation he has with his mentor who told him something that forever changed his mental approach to making mistakes and it essentially changed mine, an admitted perfectionist:

    "You're more than just one moment"

    There are going to be plenty of times where, in the moment, we're not going to be our best selves. Hell sometimes we might even be worse than that, but that MOMENT doesn't have to define you. Always remember YOU are whoever you want to be whenever you want to be. You are a descendant of KINGS Black Man.

    Peace and light to you.
     

    Ubiquity

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    Not to bring a negative aspect, but.. at my age I feel as if I've lived several lifetimes already. It's like when my hopes die, so does the person that I wanted to be. The person I have become IS better, because this person has survived a million ways to die, a million thoughts that buried my soul and another million regrets. Still my spirit has beat the odds every day of the week and twice on sundays. With a little bit of forgiveness for those who didn't know in which they have done and even more forgiveness for myself because I should have been prepared..

    It isn't about what you failed, or the way you fell or when you fall; it's about how you got up. We all have to crawl before we walk! This is what we identify as growth and progress.
     

    Jay

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    Not to bring a negative aspect, but.. at my age I feel as if I've lived several lifetimes already. It's like when my hopes die, so does the person that I wanted to be. The person I have become IS better, because this person has survived a million ways to die, a million thoughts that buried my soul and another million regrets. Still my spirit has beat the odds every day of the week and twice on sundays. With a little bit of forgiveness for those who didn't know in which they have done and even more forgiveness for myself because I should have been prepared..

    It isn't about what you failed, or the way you fell or when you fall; it's about how you got up. We all have to crawl before we walk! This is what we identify as growth and progress.
    You’re back.

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