The Cookout

[sourgrapes]

I know this is a traditional mindset and one that I have held since my teens. I never wanted to have children before marriage and I did a good job of making sure it didn't happen. That being said, what are your thoughts don't he subject? I know marriage is not a foolproof standard that will ensure nothing ever happens to your relationship but I feel like people are more inclined to work out their differences if kids come after.

 

[Jay]

No, kids should come after you and your partner both know that you can provide a stable and consistent environment for the children to grow. An environment with emotional, mental, financial, and physical stability that can produce adults that self-aware, self-sufficient, and a net positive to society. I don’t care what you marital status is if you can do the above. I know a married couple living in the biggest house on the block but they have the worst relationship which resulted in kids with major emotional issues.

 

[BeHart]

In my opinion, the idea of having Seeds after marriage seems honorable. Versus having Seeds by a random. At least if it's somebody you know, 🤷, at least you tried to do life the right way.. its just that marriage seems like a hustle to a lot of women. Just a way to 1up these days.. It takes away from whatever makes marriage seem to be a good choice.

 

[SIXDIMENSIONS]

Who in there right minds would want to raise a child alone?

 

[Victorystatus]

Yes, still think they do, especially in our group...

 

[Goldilocks]

Children should come after. As a woman I don't understand why a woman would choose to be a single parent.

 

[Tati 304]

Children should come after. As a woman I don't understand why a woman would choose to be a single parent.

Do they choose to or is it these low down men out here not handling their business?

 

[sourgrapes]

Do they choose to or is it these low down men out here not handling their business?

Women make the choice to get in bed with these men though. Don't just let some random dude with a slick tongue have his way. This is what pisses me off about women these days, no offense to you, but women out there blaming men when they are the ones letting them slide in and out of their beds without so much as a handshake. Easy women make these men more prevalent. If you want a man who respects you, you have to respect yourself first.

Unless you are just looking for some fun, in which case make sure you are protected via birth control, condoms, etc. don't worry about him, protect yourself.

 

[Ogun]

I don't think it really matters; I honestly think it depends on the 2 people creating the baby. If you have the resources and maturity to bring a life in this world and take care of it and raise it, you don't need a piece of paper to validate that.

 

[James]

Their is nothing wrong to have kids before marriage as long as you can able to manage them and have stable life as many young people have kids but they don't know how to grow them.

 

[Goldilocks]

Do they choose to or is it these low down men out here not handling their business?

If you aren’t married it’s a choice.

 

[Blackgravity]

Do they choose to or is it these low down men out here not handling their business?

Low down?
If a female lays with a "low down" man what does that make her for choosing the "low down"?

 

[Sovereign]

I don't think it really matters; I honestly think it depends on the 2 people creating the baby. If you have the resources and maturity to bring a life in this world and take care of it and raise it, you don't need a piece of paper to validate that.

End thread.

 

[Goldilocks]

End thread.

It’s not the end of a thread. People don’t make solid commitments for a reason. The “I can leave whatever I want without consequences” option is there to exercised and usually is.

 

[Sovereign]

It’s not the end of a thread. People don’t make solid commitments for a reason. The “I can leave whatever I want without consequences” option is there to exercised and usually is.

But just because you’re married doesn’t mean someone is committed to you. How do people have kids in countries that don’t have marriages? Are they unable to figure out how to commit to one another because they didn’t stand in front of an old man holding a Bible asking you if you want to be with your partner forever? Marriage is a ceremony and financial arrangement.

 

[Bruh Man]

But just because you’re married doesn’t mean someone is committed to you. How do people have kids in countries that don’t have marriages? Are they unable to figure out how to commit to one another because they didn’t stand in front of an old man holding a Bible asking you if you want to be with your partner forever? Marriage is a ceremony and financial arrangement.

Im on both sides marriage is just a show but it does symbolically represent that you in it for the long haul. Don’t mean it’s true but that’s the purpose. But niggas out here doing it cause the box good and split up.

 

[Goldilocks]

But just because you’re married doesn’t mean someone is committed to you. How do people have kids in countries that don’t have marriages? Are they unable to figure out how to commit to one another because they didn’t stand in front of an old man holding a Bible asking you if you want to be with your partner forever? Marriage is a ceremony and financial arrangement.

I am talking about the culture we live in. What people do on the other side of the world is completely irrelevant. People in this culture play house because they want the opportunity to leave whenever they want.

People try to trivialize it to ‘pieces of paper’ because they want an escape plan.

There is a reason your word isn’t good enough to rent a car or house. There is reason they make you sign a contract. But somehow we should have lower standards for ourselves and our child then a car right? No thank you

 

[SINCEREM]

I stand too with kids after marriage, that's the legal option which is ordeand by our grand creator. I know st times weird luck comes in, and the wom bears egg without marriage, but we should try our best to control ourselves to avoid such unplanned child bearing.

 

[Maxwell]

Children should come after. As a woman I don't understand why a woman would choose to be a single parent.

I don't understand it either. I see a lot of ladies flaunting it on social media especially on Facebook about being a single mother and all I can say was that their mistake of having unprotected sex caught up with them and they decided to keep the baby.

 

[B1ackWoman]

I know this is a traditional mindset and one that I have held since my teens. I never wanted to have children before marriage and I did a good job of making sure it didn't happen. That being said, what are your thoughts don't he subject? I know marriage is not a foolproof standard that will ensure nothing ever happens to your relationship but I feel like people are more inclined to work out their differences if kids come after.

But just because you’re married doesn’t mean someone is committed to you. How do people have kids in countries that don’t have marriages? Are they unable to figure out how to commit to one another because they didn’t stand in front of an old man holding a Bible asking you if you want to be with your partner forever? Marriage is a ceremony and financial arrangement.

Marriage indeed is a financial arrangement, a merger of 2 parties (man and woman) that results in a stronger conglomerate.

Remove the ceremony part of it and look at marriage purely in these terms. The husband and wife creates the foundation FIRST, then the children follow. (Foundation = emotional, mental, and monetary)

This is the ideal arrangement for passing down and cultivating WEALTH. Please note: this is the RULE and not the exception.

Are there unmarried couples who "do a good job" raising their kids? YES

Are there married couples who "do a horrible job" raising their kids? YES

Heck, someone could say "just because 2 people are married doesn't mean that they're financially sound."

BUT, we should never evaluate what's best for our people based on SUB-standard conditions and anomalies. We should always evaluate based on the IDEAL standard.

This is the way forward.

 

[Deleted member 405]

Its a better scenario for a child to be raised with its mother and father in the same household.Speaking for myself and in hindsight I was not raised with my father around and there were times in my teens where I know I made dumb decisions and a true father would have lead me to a better choice.I believe the home is the best and first teacher for children and a mother and father in the home in a marriage is the best option for success in raising children

 

[LatagiaCopelandTyronce]

As a married woman, I would say ideally yes. I had 7 children (6 by one asshole and 1 by another asshole) before I got married (my husband had no children but had been married once before and it was a disaster due to many things one being that she was already pregnant be another man when my husband married her which he accepted but then she had four more children DURING the marriage all of the children were by other men and still my husband tried to work it out with her for YEARS they were married for almost 20 years and finally she filled for devoice a couple of years before she passed and my husband and I met shortly after his first wife passed away) and we have two sons together (5 and 1). I guess the third one is the charm. That said, I understand that children aren't for everyone. Some people don't want and/or don't need children (y'all know the ones I'm talking about) in which case it's probably best that they not have them. But more importantly, I believe that the subject of children should be properly discussed, decided and agreed upon by BOTH parties BEFORE getting married or they're just asking for trouble and they marriage will not be a happy one for at least of the parties. After all, many marriages have ended because one of the parties either wanted or didn't want children while the opposite was true for the other parties. All of these is even more relevant for Blk marriages since we have so much more to deal with being an oppressed group of people living under white supremacy.

 

[Sapphire]

In an ideal world, yes but we don't live in that world. We live in a messy, chaotic, confusing world where we don't always get the chance to decide for ourselves when the time is right. The only way to decide 100% is to not have sex before marriage and most people cannot control themselves nor want that. We all want to be young and enjoy ourselves and the people we are with.

It is always best for children to come into this world with two stable parents who love each other and want to remain together. Marriage or not, that is more important. You can have a couple who get married and then have kids and grow to hate each other.

 

[MR-D-ROB]

No, kids should come after you and your partner both know that you can provide a stable and consistent environment for the children to grow. An environment with emotional, mental, financial, and physical stability that can produce adults that self-aware, self-sufficient, and a net positive to society. I don’t care what you marital status is if you can do the above. I know a married couple living in the biggest house on the block but they have the worst relationship which resulted in kids with major emotional issues.

I have to agree with Jay. It is more important that you can properly care for and provider a stable environment. My first daughter was not planned. Once we knew my wife was pregnant I knew I had 8 months left to get my sh*t together.

 

[Deleted member 231]

I have to agree with Jay. It is more important that you can properly care for and provider a stable environment. My first daughter was not planned. Once we knew my wife was pregnant I knew I had 8 months left to get my sh*t together.

scariest moment of my life was driving home from the hospital with a newborn in the backseat. i took a REAL deep breath before I started the engine.

 

[Samuelrejoyce]

I think kids should come when both partners are mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially ready.
A lot goes into having a baby, I had to help my baby watch her baby today because she was so exhausted and needed to hit the bed. Before now, she thought that kids should come immediately, however, she has a different opinion now. She even advises that I take my time and be prepared before having one.

 

[The Honorable]

I had to help my baby watch her baby today because she was so exhausted and needed to hit the bed. Before now, she thought that kids should come immediately, however, she has a different opinion now. She even advises that I take my time and be prepared before having one.

You had to help your baby watch their baby and you baby says that you should take your time before having a baby?

 

[Samuelrejoyce]

I think kids should come when both partners are mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially ready.
A lot goes into having a baby, I had to help my friend watch her baby today because she was so exhausted and needed to hit the bed. Before now, she thought that kids should come immediately, however, she has a different opinion now. She even advises that I take my time and be prepared before having one.

 

[Samuelrejoyce]

You had to help your baby watch their baby and you baby says that you should take your time before having a bad

I think kids should come when both partners are mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially ready.
A lot goes into having a baby, I had to help my friend watch her baby today because she was so exhausted and needed to hit the bed. Before now, she thought that kids should come immediately, however, she has a different opinion now. She even advises that I take my time and be prepared before having one.

You had to help your baby watch their baby and you baby says that you should take your time before having a baby?

My friend I mean

 

[GwynShivers]

You had to help your baby watch their baby and you baby says that you should take your time before having a baby?

Be ready, that's all. Financially, mentally, physically & spiritually.

 

[Heatice]

I don't see any reason or the justification one would have to back up his or her reasons to have kids before getting married. Why? What's the essence of having the kid outside wedlock? What's the joy in rasing a child without the father or the mother?

 

[DOSO]

I know this is a traditional mindset and one that I have held since my teens. I never wanted to have children before marriage and I did a good job of making sure it didn't happen. That being said, what are your thoughts don't he subject? I know marriage is not a foolproof standard that will ensure nothing ever happens to your relationship but I feel like people are more inclined to work out their differences if kids come after.

Yeah. I feel like kids should come after marriage.

 

[Nesut]

Yeah. I feel like kids should come after marriage.

As someone who had married parents that were dysfunctional I would prefer happy and healthy rather than married.

 

[sourgrapes]

As someone who had married parents that were dysfunctional I would prefer happy and healthy rather than married.

This is a fair point. Two married people being parents in an unhealthy marriage can be damaging to a child being raised in that environment. Sometimes, people just should be having kids together.

 

[chinwe]

Oh yes, I do think kids should come after marriage. It is the right and honourable thing to do, besides, I think its right for couples to get to spend some time alone, bond more and know everything about each other before binging forth kids.

 

[MarleyK20]

It's problematic. Having kids is a huge responsibility and takes away from the marriage. If folks decide to marry, they should not have kids so soon after tying the knot. It takes years to really get to know a person let alone accrue enough money to care for someone other than a wife. It's really not wise in my opinion to have children someone not willing to commit to you and only you via marriage.

One important thing not discussed is the transfer of wealth that goes to other family members when partners aren't married, especially when partners don't plan or die unexpectedly. Marriage has many benefits in addition good characteristics meant for developing whole families. Trying to have a family without being a family is asking for trouble.

 

[Danny]

Unless you have decided not to get married but be single and have your own kids, then it's the only way I would say have them without getting married. But if you have plans on getting married, on no account would you justify having kids outside wedlock because it's crazy. Personally, I wouldn't marry any lady with a kid already.