The Cookout

[sourgrapes]

In terms of finding the ideal partner, do you think your past experiences with previous relationships help to discover what you want in a partner or do you view it more as wasted time? I was talking to someone who recently got married and she said she regretted her past and not finding her man sooner. Said had she known him, she would not have wasted her time. I argued that her past experiences helped her prepare for the relationship of her dreams and weed out what she didn't want in a man. Like spotting the red flags early so you can hit the killswitch on a relationship before it gets too deep. I feel like that only comes with age and experience.

 

[Tati 304]

I've actually felt like it's hurt me because I was bringing baggage into my new situations. So it helped me learn what I need to heal before I'm able to accept it.

 

[Trillfate]

Absolutely. Experience is a valuable tool in most walks of life. The problem is potentially being jaded by past experiences.

 

[RoyalAscension]

I agree that your past experiences help you understand what you want. I am a huge believer in that we attract the energy we give out and all relationships are really mirrors of ourselves.
When we know what we don't want, it's easier to narrow down what we do want.

And in relationships it can be very nuanced. So for example. I realized that the men I was meeting had a very alpha male traits. I valued that. However these men also were not great communicators of their emotions, as well as other traits that I felt reduced me to "just a woman".

Once I became more introspective and aware of that. I set my intentions and started meeting men who seem to have better communication skills, ability to express emotions and I felt like a partner. However these men were missing the traits that I did like from the "alpha male" experiences. So I had to tweak my understanding of what I value in a partner.

It's an evolution and I believe all relationships are for our betterment. All about perceptions.

 

[Lamont]

And in relationships it can be very nuanced. So for example. I realized that the men I was meeting had a very alpha male traits. I valued that. However these men also were not great communicators of their emotions, as well as other traits that I felt reduced me to "just a woman".

Once I became more introspective and aware of that. I set my intentions and started meeting men who seem to have better communication skills, ability to express emotions and I felt like a partner. However these men were missing the traits that I did like from the "alpha male" experiences. So I had to tweak my understanding of what I value in a partner.

The dilemma mentioned here highlights why we must hold on tight when we meet "the one". It is extremely difficult to find a partner who is able to satisfy your needs and many of us believe we will have multiple chances at finding that one.

In reality, you may only receive one shot at what true love is for you and if you sully that chance, you've struck out. That balance you seek is difficult but trust that there is a man who can lead but also listen, care, empathize, and nurture.

Hopefully you haven't met him yet.

 

[RoyalAscension]

The dilemma mentioned here highlights why we must hold on tight when we meet "the one". It is extremely difficult to find a partner who is able to satisfy your needs and many of us believe we will have multiple chances at finding that one.

In reality, you may only receive one shot at what true love is for you and if you sully that chance, you've struck out. That balance you seek is difficult but trust that there is a man who can lead but also listen, care, empathize, and nurture.

Hopefully you haven't met him yet.

Nah I definitely don't think I have lol. And I wholeheartedly believe in true love or souls mates. I am a hopeless romantic and believe in love to its core.

My relationships have really help me be okay with not having someone just to have them around. I feel I will know without a doubt "he is the one" and it will be the same knowingness for him.

 

[Lamont]

Nah I definitely don't think I have lol. And I wholeheartedly believe in true love or souls mates. I am a hopeless romantic and believe in love to its core.

My relationships have really help me be okay with not having someone just to have them around. I feel I will know without a doubt "he is the one" and it will be the same knowingness for him.

This is my sentiment as well, I believe and love the concept of love. Sometimes it's not easy, sometimes it's rough but when it's worth it nothing else matters.

 

[RoyalAscension]

This is my sentiment as well, I believe and love the concept of love. Sometimes it's not easy, sometimes it's rough but when it's worth it nothing else matters.

 

[Blackgravity]

if you learn from your past and use that experience to help make better decisions in the future, it's never a waste.

 

[sourgrapes]

I've actually felt like it's hurt me because I was bringing baggage into my new situations. So it helped me learn what I need to heal before I'm able to accept it.

This is something a lot of women say and share. It seems like we all have our own levels of baggage but when you are able to sort through it prior to starting a new relationship, it makes it way easier. Like I could have brought my ish in my new relationship and let my emotions and trust issues hold this new man accountable but there is no sense in that. Not all men are the same, not all women are the same. We just have to remind our emotions of that. The key is healing, you are spot on.

 

[Victorystatus]

My past experiences were just me playing around and not taking any woman seriously, because I didn't believe I should have to. I'm still not in a rush for marriage and my past experience have aided me in not choosing to be with a red flag. Its very beneficial to not be tied to a redflag for 18yrs, and I give nothing short of homage to the men who handle it with the highest dignity.

 

[Jay]

My past experiences were just me playing around and not taking any woman seriously, because I didn't believe I should have to. I'm still not in a rush for marriage and my past experience have aided me in not choosing to be with a red flag. Its very beneficial to not be tied to a redflag for 18yrs, and I give nothing short of homage to the men who handle it with the highest dignity.

Yeah having to pay a red flag every month ain't no joke.