The Cookout

Sapphire · 2/28/22

For everyone, this is different. A lot factors in with age, if you are a man or woman, what your current lifestyle is like, and so forth.

I thought I would ask this question here to scope out what you all would rather have and why. You can always obtain a good partner or good career later in life but what about your ideal dream career or ideal dream partner? If one could be guaranteed to you but you have to choose one or the other, which would it be?

Red Velvet · 2/28/22

Dream Partner.

I've seen how the career chasers lives end and it's always sad and lonely. Two of my aunts had really good men but they played games and squandered their relationships and now they are old and single. Their prospects for retirement are next to impossible, every man wants to lay up but never commit, it's bad. I was on that same path but luckily a couple people got to me and showed me the true value of a man. A good man, a strong man, and I was sold. I can always figure the money out so I'm going with Dream Partner.

Trillfate · 2/28/22

I think a dream partner is easier to come by than a dream career, so id probably choose dream career

Jay · 2/28/22

Trillfate said:
I think a dream partner is easier to come by than a dream career, so id probably choose dream career

I think this is going to be different for men and women because as men, getting the dream career is going to help facilitate the dream partner. Because if we have the dream partner but we ain't financially stable we ain't going to keep her for long. I would assume that traditional women will go for Dream Partner and modern women will go for Dream Career.

Deleted member 191 · 2/28/22

Dream career. Even with a "guarantee", a dream partner doesn't really exist.

GACishere · 2/28/22

HailCzr85 said:
Dream career. Even with a "guarantee", a dream partner doesn't really exist.

I would say they don't exist i would say that you can just find one dream partner. There are 7 billion people on this planet even if you would narrow down to your preferences you would have at least seven dream partners maybe even more but a dream career whether it is something fantastic as the NBA or a high executive at fortune 500 is more untenable by the minute so Dream career for me

Jay · 2/28/22

HailCzr85 said:
Dream career. Even with a "guarantee", a dream partner doesn't really exist.

How does a dream partner not exist? If your dream partner is ultra specific like Elon Musk money, looks like Morris Chestnut, cooks like Gordan Ramsay, humps like Mr. Marcus, handy like Bob Villa, and sensitive as Montell Williams then yeah that's impossible. But if you realistic like:

Hard Worker
Successful
Caring
Healthy
Strong Communicator

Then that would be totally possible. There will be some variables that may be random like the dude may be short or bald but at least you get the most important parts.

Deleted member 191 · 2/28/22

Jay said:
How does a dream partner not exist? If your dream partner is ultra specific like Elon Musk money, looks like Morris Chestnut, cooks like Gordan Ramsay, humps like Mr. Marcus, handy like Bob Villa, and sensitive as Montell Williams then yeah that's impossible. But if you realistic like:

Hard Worker

Successful

Caring

Healthy

Strong Communicator

Then that would be totally possible. There will be some variables that may be random like the dude may be short or bald but at least you get the most important parts.

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, when I think of dream partner, I think of additional intangibles the partner possesses and showcases consistently which go above and beyond whatever the dreamer's expectation may be. That's rare IMO quite frankly. To the point that even folks who have been together for years scarcely have it. So what most folks wind up with is a garden variety relationship with periodic moments of awesome and amazing. So for me, the concept of the "Dream Partner" doesn't really exist so much, as an ordinary person making their partner feel extraordinary.

Jay said:
If your dream partner is ultra specific like Elon Musk money, looks like Morris Chestnut, cooks like Gordan Ramsay, humps like Mr. Marcus, handy like Bob Villa, and sensitive as Montell Williams then yeah that's impossible.

I would agree that being ultra specific is not easily or logically achievable(I've tried and failed). But, I'm not talking about anything ultra specific, as I mentioned, I'm defining "Dream Partner" as a partner who consistently goes above and beyond the dreamer's expectations.

You listed some admirable qualities in a "Dream Partner".

Hard Worker - This is a great quality, but I was raised by a hard working man so for me, this is an expectation. Not a flex. If this is something a guy expects me to be impressed by, we'll probably make excellent business partners and rake in the cash hand over fist, but not much else.
Successful - Though I think I would consider this metric for a "Dream Partner". It's a wildcard because it's a subjective characteristic. If our personal definitions of success aren't aligned then it wouldn't make a difference. It only matters if our definitions are in some kind of alignment.
Caring - This is a basic characteristic, IMO. This is the LEAST a person should be in a relationship. ANY relationship for that matter. So, not a flex. I would argue, if we're getting to the point that basic decency is the criteria for "Dream Partner" then maybe this society is on a highway to hell as opposed to headed in a dainty little handbasket.
Healthy - I'm going to answer this based on you meaning personality wise; like someone who is NOT a toxic person. For me personally, This is also a basic characteristic, and is somewhat similar to what I mentioned about caring. Asking for a NON-TOXIC person should NOT be a trait a dreamer should have to ask for. It should already be an expectation in general. In ANY relationship.
Strong Communicator - IMO, this is actually the only quality you listed that could be a legit "dream partner" trait. Some people no matter how good their intentions, struggle with expressing themselves effectively. I'm not saying I think someone who isn't a strong communicator wouldn't make a good partner, but I am saying is if they're a dream partner, the feelings of confusion, misunderstandings and frustrations, I imagine would be largely reduced because he or she knows how to effectively get their messages out.

Jay said:
realistic

You used the term 'realistic', which is perfectly fine. Realistic for a certain dreamer's interpretation may equate to "Dream Partner". For me, realistic equates more to terms like 'standard' or 'run-of-the-mill'. Neither of which would necessarily fall in line with my definition of "Dream Partner" and sort of echoes my earlier point that ultimately, I don't think there is a "Dream Partner" per se, just an ordinary person treating their partner extraordinarily.

With all that being said, let me be clear, I'm not saying what you're saying is wrong. I think this is simply a difference in philosophy, but I appreciate your position wholeheartedly and I understand where you're coming from and the point you were expressing.

Sapphire This is an amazing discussion topic!! Kudos for opening up this kind of discussion.

sourgrapes · 3/1/22

For me, it would be a partner. The reason being is that I am not a career-oriented person. I want to settle down and have kids. For women who don't want this lifestyle, a career would be the smart move.

Sapphire · 3/2/22

HailCzr85 said:
@Sapphire This is an amazing discussion topic!! Kudos for opening up this kind of discussion.

I thought it might be interesting to see the various thoughts and points of view. It is one of those questions that kind of puts you on the spot at where you are in life and where you want your life to go at the same time.

Jay · 3/2/22

HailCzr85 said:
I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, when I think of dream partner, I think of additional intangibles the partner possesses and showcases consistently which go above and beyond whatever the dreamer's expectation may be. That's rare IMO quite frankly. To the point that even folks who have been together for years scarcely have it. So what most folks wind up with is a garden variety relationship with periodic moments of awesome and amazing. So for me, the concept of the "Dream Partner" doesn't really exist so much, as an ordinary person making their partner feel extraordinary.

So your dream partner has to be better than what you see in your dreams?

That's a high ass bar someone has to climb. They have to be better than the nigga you imagine in your dream GOOD LAWD.

HailCzr85 said:
would agree that being ultra specific is not easily or logically achievable(I've tried and failed). But, I'm not talking about anything ultra specific, as I mentioned, I'm defining "Dream Partner" as a partner who consistently goes above and beyond the dreamer's expectations.

You listed some admirable qualities in a "Dream Partner".

Hard Worker - This is a great quality, but I was raised by a hard working man so for me, this is an expectation. Not a flex. If this is something a guy expects me to be impressed by, we'll probably make excellent business partners and rake in the cash hand over fist, but not much else.

Successful - Though I think I would consider this metric for a "Dream Partner". It's a wildcard because it's a subjective characteristic. If our personal definitions of success aren't aligned then it wouldn't make a difference. It only matters if our definitions are in some kind of alignment.

Caring - This is a basic characteristic, IMO. This is the LEAST a person should be in a relationship. ANY relationship for that matter. So, not a flex. I would argue, if we're getting to the point that basic decency is the criteria for "Dream Partner" then maybe this society is on a highway to hell as opposed to headed in a dainty little handbasket.

Healthy - I'm going to answer this based on you meaning personality wise; like someone who is NOT a toxic person. For me personally, This is also a basic characteristic, and is somewhat similar to what I mentioned about caring. Asking for a NON-TOXIC person should NOT be a trait a dreamer should have to ask for. It should already be an expectation in general. In ANY relationship.

Strong Communicator - IMO, this is actually the only quality you listed that could be a legit "dream partner" trait. Some people no matter how good their intentions, struggle with expressing themselves effectively. I'm not saying I think someone who isn't a strong communicator wouldn't make a good partner, but I am saying is if they're a dream partner, the feelings of confusion, misunderstandings and frustrations, I imagine would be largely reduced because he or she knows how to effectively get their messages out.

This is totally subjective because to me, Strong Communicator is the same as hard worker...it's a feature that needs to come standard out the box. Where our "dream" partner diverges is that I look at my dream partner as having the skills needed to be a in a loving, healthy, happy relationship in which we both can grow. So those characteristics, to me, create a partner that is "my dream". My dream partner is grounded in the nonsense we see in today's world so having all that is a dream.

Deleted member 191 · 3/2/22

Jay said:
That's a high ass bar someone has to climb.

If the guy is a "bare minimum" kind of guy, then yeah I can imagine how high a bar that might be. C students are that way because they don't earn enough A-pluses. What I demand I intend to supply in kind. So if a guy feels the bar is "too high", I'm cool with that, we can be friends, business partners, confidants, colleagues, anything other than a couple. Because for me, the bare minimum is not impressive to me. This is how you get your time wasted trying to fit square pegs in round holes. If the man in question is fucking bringing it and I mean BRINGING IT in all capacities of our interactions and engagements both planned and spontaneous and does so, consistently, then that's a man who's speaks my language.

And I'm not saying bare minimum guys are bad, I'm saying don't come looking for a gold star from me if your arguing point is "I'm a decent person." Well SO TF AM I! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A DECENT PERSON! Like I said, if a guy wants a standing ovation, ticker tape parades, and statues hoisted in their likeness for doing shit they're supposed to do in GENERAL. IN THE FIRST PLACE. I'm not who they lookin for. They want all the privilege and acknowledgement of an A+ student while bringing C average work. No Sir. You get out what you put in.

And let me be clear, I'm not even saying someone who wants those simpler things is wrong either. That's a preference and a perfectly good one at that. For some people, simple means something else. Something better; because maybe they had "difficult" and "hard" a lot of the time, so simple and easy sounds like a dream. What I am saying is, to me, simple is basic and basic is mediocre. I'm not mediocre. I strive for excellence in every aspect of my life. If you can't bring that to the table, then leave any thoughts of romance with me at the door, and instead, let's simply work together so we can help build our communities into the strongholds they need to be for our people.

My definitions are different, my standards are different and my expectations are different. I know that and I am uncompromising about it. At the end of the day, as long as I'm willing to give what I'm asking for, which I am, the person who CAN answer the call won't view our relationship as a "high bar" to be met.

Jay said:
They have to be better than the nigga you imagine in your dream GOOD LAWD.

No. They have to be better than the nigga who THINKS he's a dream when really he's a C student who's looking for A+ student acknowledgement. Also, and I'm only going to address this once, don't gaslight me. You have excellent questions and points to ponder. But so do I. And if our difference in philosophy or opinion on this topic is going to lead you to need to resort to that, then the conversation has ran it's course and I don't need to engage you any further. We can simply agree to disagree. Now if you've felt I've gas-lit you, came at you disrespectfully, wrong or any kind of sideways, then I offer my sincere apologies as it wasn't my intention. But you tried it and I really don't appreciate it.

Jay said:
My dream partner is grounded in the nonsense we see in today's world so having all that is a dream.

Yo man, that's what's up! I'm down for whatever works for people. Do whatever and live however you feel gets you to that point of happy. We only get one shot at this thing called life so we gotta make sure we get out of it whatever it is that we're looking for. Uncompromisingly.

Troy · 3/3/22

HailCzr85 said:
If the guy is a "bare minimum" kind of guy, then yeah I can imagine how high a bar that might be

But is that a bare minimum guy? Or is that your bare minimum? I can easily say that Stacy Dash on clueless is my bare minimum and exclude most women period.

Devin · 3/7/22

This is an excellent question, but extremely difficult for me to answer. After careful consideration, I believe if I had to pick between the two, I would go with my dream partner. I made this decision by considering the pros and cons of both options. A dream career would be amazing and I would make good money and enjoy my time doing it, however, no matter the amount of money I make or how good the career is, I will never feel complete within. With my dream partner, I may not have the best job or make the best money, but at least I know what my reward would be once I get off work. You won't always have friends, and you won't always have family, so I would definitely choose a dream partner over a dream career.

Maximum · 3/7/22

I pick dream career because I have up on love a while ago lol

Sapphire · 3/8/22

Maximum said:
I pick dream career because I have up on love a while ago lol

Why you giving up on love?

I get it, the love game can be a mess. Especially now with ladies out there screaming "miss independent" while clutching some dude's wallet lol You just have to know where to meet the right kind of ladies.

Tati 304 · 3/8/22

Maximum said:
I pick dream career because I have up on love a while ago lol

Awwwwww why?

Red Velvet · 3/8/22

Devin said:
This is an excellent question, but extremely difficult for me to answer. After careful consideration, I believe if I had to pick between the two, I would go with my dream partner. I made this decision by considering the pros and cons of both options. A dream career would be amazing and I would make good money and enjoy my time doing it, however, no matter the amount of money I make or how good the career is, I will never feel complete within. With my dream partner, I may not have the best job or make the best money, but at least I know what my reward would be once I get off work. You won't always have friends, and you won't always have family, so I would definitely choose a dream partner over a dream career.

You see this with rich people all the time. They’ll have all the riches in the world and get stressed and depressed because they don’t have anyone to call their own.

People that do not have riches look to it as the end all be all. It isn’t.

Maximum · 3/11/22

Tati 304 said:
Awwwwww why?

Because I'm tired of failing lol
Figured maybe it ain't for me so *shrug*

Maximum · 3/11/22

Sapphire said:
Why you giving up on love?

I get it, the love game can be a mess. Especially now with ladies out there screaming "miss independent" while clutching some dude's wallet lol You just have to know where to meet the right kind of ladies.

I hear ya but I've pretty much exhausted all avenues. I'm just not a person that attracts people so its whatever

Sapphire · 3/12/22

Maximum said:
I hear ya but I've pretty much exhausted all avenues. I'm just not a person that attracts people so its whatever

Might have to work a bit harder at it but there is always someone out there for everyone. You don't want to get up there in age and not have a partner. Life is too hard to go at it alone.

Maximum · 3/13/22

Sapphire said:
Might have to work a bit harder at it but there is always someone out there for everyone. You don't want to get up there in age and not have a partner. Life is too hard to go at it alone.

A little to late for that

I do appreciate the positivity 👍

Tati 304 · 3/14/22

Maximum said:
Because I'm tired of failing lol
Figured maybe it ain't for me so *shrug*

If you keep failing what is the common denominator? Once you find that out change it.

Sapphire · 3/14/22

Maximum said:
A little to late for that

I do appreciate the positivity 👍

I always see people in their later years finding love. Just at least stay open to it. I know it can seem like you have to take the cards you were dealt but hands change all the time.

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