The Cookout

[sourgrapes]

I have a co-worker, let's just call her Karen (lol).

Karen likes to come into work every day and go on and on about how her good-for-nothing boyfriend and his good-for-nothing friends don't do anything. She has 2 kids with this guy, unmarried. One week he is cheating on her (so she thinks) and the next she is talking about cheating on him. I like to keep the peace at work and let people vent to me if they have to but this has been going on for a good 3 months now and I am tired of it. Karen is not a happy person and her drama is bringing me down.

How can I tell her that I don't want to hear this stuff anymore without her taking it wrong and causing tension at work?

 

[Jay]

I have a co-worker, let's just call her Karen (lol).

Karen likes to come into work every day and go on and on about how her good-for-nothing boyfriend and his good-for-nothing friends don't do anything. She has 2 kids with this guy, unmarried. One week he is cheating on her (so she thinks) and the next she is talking about cheating on him. I like to keep the peace at work and let people vent to me if they have to but this has been going on for a good 3 months now and I am tired of it. Karen is not a happy person and her drama is bringing me down.

How can I tell her that I don't want to hear this stuff anymore without her taking it wrong and causing tension at work?

The overall issue is that there is no boundary set so she’s technically not violating yet. What you first must do is establish a boundary to make it clear to her what she should and should not discuss with you and how she should do it.

Be firm but diplomatic, “Hey K, I know this is a tough time in your life and I’ve been there myself but I would like if going forward we kept our conversations on a more positive note? I’m always open to discuss the great things going on in our lives and things we are doing to better ourselves.”

Don’t attack her, don’t accuse her, keep it about you and how you want to be treated.

 

[Deleted member 191]

That is a real excellent response @Jay and it's way better than what my advice was going to be. I was going to say you pull ole girl to the side and go reverse psychology on her ass. "Hey Karen, if I'm being totally honest, YOU'RE the one who stays with him creating what I can only imagine is a toxic atmosphere for you AND your children, and it's evidenced further by the toxic decision of cheating on him instead of just leaving like a normal adult. Then, you come in here..... EVERYDAY..... complaining about it. Why is that? Why are you so comfortable and ok with that life for yourself and your kids?" My answer calls her out because fuck kid gloves. She up here sharing all her business to a co-worker, niceties go out the door. You up here wantin to talk to me like we homies then I'll tell you about yourself like I would my homey in this situation.

 

[Jay]

That is a real excellent response @Jay and it's way better than what my advice was going to be. I was going to say you pull ole girl to the side and go reverse psychology on her ass. "Hey Karen, if I'm being totally honest, YOU'RE the one who stays with him creating what I can only imagine is a toxic atmosphere for you AND your children, and it's evidenced further by the toxic decision of cheating on him instead of just leaving like a normal adult. Then, you come in here..... EVERYDAY..... complaining about it. Why is that? Why are you so comfortable and ok with that life for yourself and your kids?" My answer calls her out because f**k kid gloves. She up here sharing all her business to a co-worker, niceties go out the door. You up here wantin to talk to me like we homies then I'll tell you about yourself like I would my homey in this situation.

That’s definitely me in my personal life, I’ll give it to you raw uncut.

”Nigga don’t talk to me about that funky hood rat anymore…yall deserve each other”. The homie will be like:

 

[Deleted member 191]

That’s definitely me in my personal life, I’ll give it to you raw uncut.

”Nigga don’t talk to me about that funky hood rat anymore…yall deserve each other”. The homie will be like:

EGGGGGGGGGGGZACKLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See and that's kinda my whole thing if you're going to sit up in our work environment and act like we kick it like that, then that means you cruisin' for an emotional bruisin and need to get told about yourself right now.

 

[Tati 304]

That is a real excellent response @Jay and it's way better than what my advice was going to be. I was going to say you pull ole girl to the side and go reverse psychology on her ass. "Hey Karen, if I'm being totally honest, YOU'RE the one who stays with him creating what I can only imagine is a toxic atmosphere for you AND your children, and it's evidenced further by the toxic decision of cheating on him instead of just leaving like a normal adult. Then, you come in here..... EVERYDAY..... complaining about it. Why is that? Why are you so comfortable and ok with that life for yourself and your kids?" My answer calls her out because f**k kid gloves. She up here sharing all her business to a co-worker, niceties go out the door. You up here wantin to talk to me like we homies then I'll tell you about yourself like I would my homey in this situation.

This is me which is why I try to stay to myself at work. I be having people in their feelings too much.

 

[DaBeast]

I have a co-worker, let's just call her Karen (lol).

Karen likes to come into work every day and go on and on about how her good-for-nothing boyfriend and his good-for-nothing friends don't do anything. She has 2 kids with this guy, unmarried. One week he is cheating on her (so she thinks) and the next she is talking about cheating on him. I like to keep the peace at work and let people vent to me if they have to but this has been going on for a good 3 months now and I am tired of it. Karen is not a happy person and her drama is bringing me down.

How can I tell her that I don't want to hear this stuff anymore without her taking it wrong and causing tension at work?

That's the first mistake, letting everyone vent to you. She may now see you as that person to go to whenever she has troubles. Honestly, I would just let her know you don't want to talk about each others personal lives at work. What Jay said a few posts above is honestly the best advice imo. Since you're already a bit in too deep, you need to also be kind when letting her know. But, I think she'll understand.

For me, I would often just put up with it, but I think at some point I would eventually say or ask to not talk about it at work.

 

[sourgrapes]

Okay, so I will work on setting boundaries today. I am going in a bit earlier so I know I will see her at the end of her shift. We will see how this goes. I def. don't wanna come off as mean or anything cause I legit don't need problems at work right now.

 

[Ubiquity]

Folks at my job know better.... I will cut you off mid sentence asking about how much you get paid hourly and your last appraisal. If you don't feel comfortable enough to talk about REAL work related mutual interest, then I can affirm that from 9-5 I'm only concerned about work related mutual interest. Some folks laugh and then some stop the convo all together, but either way I can bet you will never have to hear that mess from her again!!

 

[lexodyssey]

I agree with setting boundaries. It's great to be the one that someone can vent to but it does get exhausting after awhile - Especially if it's all one sided and they only want to talk about themselves. I have that issue a lot because I try to be friendly and people take advantage of that. Just stand your ground and know that you have to work and be comfortable there too, it's not all about her.

 

[Bruh Man]

I agree with setting boundaries. It's great to be the one that someone can vent to but it does get exhausting after awhile - Especially if it's all one sided and they only want to talk about themselves. I have that issue a lot because I try to be friendly and people take advantage of that. Just stand your ground and know that you have to work and be comfortable there too, it's not all about her.

the worst is when they come to you with all they problems but then dont take your advice. You got one or two times to do that with me then I’ma call you out.

 

[sourgrapes]

So I did end up talking to her and at first, I thought she was about to go off. She looked PISSED. She kind of just walked away but after 20 minutes came back and apologized. She said she didn't have anyone to talk to and vent to since her sister moved to another state. I told her she can vent to me but only once a week. It can't be a daily thing and she agreed to it. So fingers crossed this sticks. lol

 

[Deleted member 191]

Awesome!!! I'm glad it worked out!!!!!!!