The Cookout

[Real One]

A lot of my friends and family have had some odd relationships. Some that clearly don't work. One of my cousins for example, has been married 4 times. He married his current wife, twice already. They divorced back in 2008, and went separate ways. He married some other woman in 2012, but it lasted a few months and they divorced fast, and then he got back with his other ex and they married soon after in 2014, but they ended up divorcing again not too long after. These two are now together again a third time, but haven't talked about getting married yet.

This relationship has always been problematic. These two probably should not be together, but no matter what, they always seem to be back in each others lives. They argue, hit each other, are verbally abusive to one another and seem like complete opposites. I don't get it.

Anyway, has this ever happened to anyone you know, in your family your friends maybe? Or maybe even in your life?

 

[sourgrapes]

I know a few. One is actually a daughter and father. She hates her date but she mimicked his relationship patterns to a T! He would date someone for a while, have issues with them, the relationship would end badly and they'd move on but they would remain "friends". He would go through a handful of women and then go back to the same one as before and do the pattern again. His daughter is the same way. She has had 7 relationships. Of those 7, she dated 3 of those guys twice now. She is currently with the first boyfriend she had from when she was just 15 years old. I can't make sense of it but they seem to be happy this time around at least. For now anyways.

 

[lexodyssey]

This girl I know of has been doing that. She was in a serious relationship and then she left him and made a big deal out of it. (She got a tattoo in honor of "breaking free" and everything) She got a new boyfriend and ended up cheating on him with her ex and they're back together. We'll see if it lasts this time but I don't think it will lol

 

[Jay]

This was me with my son‘s mom. What counseling showed me is that I was in love with the thought of what we could be and not the reality of what we actually were. I think that’s the component that most people don’t realize in the relationships. They keep going back trying to reach a utopia that doesn‘t exist and they fail over and over again. When I realized that I was in love with the thought of her and not the reality of her:

 

[Ubiquity]

I've seen plenty of unhealthy relationships with emotionally unequipped unavailable and unhinged people. My ex went back to his ex, I was like chic #4 and I think he is back after chic #7. Everytime they get into a disagreement, he always calls me as if I have new advice or gonna say something different. It's crazy as hell, he is so very unavailable, under-equipped and unhinged that it is very unattractive. I'm still trying to figure out what I was thinking to start with!!

 

[Real One]

I know a few. One is actually a daughter and father. She hates her date but she mimicked his relationship patterns to a T! He would date someone for a while, have issues with them, the relationship would end badly and they'd move on but they would remain "friends". He would go through a handful of women and then go back to the same one as before and do the pattern again. His daughter is the same way. She has had 7 relationships. Of those 7, she dated 3 of those guys twice now. She is currently with the first boyfriend she had from when she was just 15 years old. I can't make sense of it but they seem to be happy this time around at least. For now anyways.

That sounds horrible. I couldn't see myself dating that many people and then going back to them.

This girl I know of has been doing that. She was in a serious relationship and then she left him and made a big deal out of it. (She got a tattoo in honor of "breaking free" and everything) She got a new boyfriend and ended up cheating on him with her ex and they're back together. We'll see if it lasts this time but I don't think it will lol

Even a tattoo? That's messed up lol. I'm going to bet no on it lasting too. :D

This was me with my son‘s mom. What counseling showed me is that I was in love with the thought of what we could be and not the reality of what we actually were. I think that’s the component that most people don’t realize in the relationships. They keep going back trying to reach a utopia that doesn‘t exist and they fail over and over again. When I realized that I was in love with the thought of her and not the reality of her:

Yeah, I think a lot of people fall into something similar. They stick together because it feels correct, but there probably isn't love there. Love is also a tough word to say to someone, you have to be sure you love someone to throw that around, at least for me, I need to be for sure in love with someone to believe it.

I've seen plenty of unhealthy relationships with emotionally unequipped unavailable and unhinged people. My ex went back to his ex, I was like chic #4 and I think he is back after chic #7. Everytime they get into a disagreement, he always calls me as if I have new advice or gonna say something different. It's crazy as hell, he is so very unavailable, under-equipped and unhinged that it is very unattractive. I'm still trying to figure out what I was thinking to start with!!

Same here. I don't know how many times I've witnessed friends parents go through troubles. I knew a kid whose parents started to become swingers because they weren't all that into each other anymore. They wanted to do it to keep their marriage alive, but in the end I heard it made things worse, as they ended up divorcing years later anyway.

 

[Goldilocks]

Yes, a friend of mine won’t stay away from her emotionally abusive girlfriend. It’s terrible.

 

[Nesut]

I've seen plenty of unhealthy relationships with emotionally unequipped unavailable and unhinged people. My ex went back to his ex, I was like chic #4 and I think he is back after chic #7. Everytime they get into a disagreement, he always calls me as if I have new advice or gonna say something different. It's crazy as hell, he is so very unavailable, under-equipped and unhinged that it is very unattractive. I'm still trying to figure out what I was thinking to start with!!

Leave that dude alone.

 

[Ubiquity]

Leave that dude alone.

We don't have an intimate relationship anymore, but I used to believe that if these men had a respectable woman in their life, they wouldn't or couldn't have such a negative attitude towards women, butttttttt I can die trying to exemplifying great human characteristics and these assholes will still be on the BS.

I don't know why I am so big on fortifying a community that's dying anyway. My only other choice are join the oppressor or allowing my hopes to shrivel into a jarring, painful reminder of gullible intent.

 

[Bruh Man]

We don't have an intimate relationship anymore, but I used to believe that if these men had a respectable woman in their life, they wouldn't or couldn't have such a negative attitude towards women, butttttttt I can die trying to exemplifying great human characteristics and these assholes will still be on the BS.

I don't know why I am so big on fortifying a community that's dying anyway. My only other choice are join the oppressor or allowing my hopes to shrivel into a jarring, painful reminder of gullible intent.

What’s those last two sentences you talking about turning to Cooning?

 

[Ubiquity]

What’s those last two sentences you talking about turning to Cooning?

There is more to cooning than giving up! In fact, I don't even think defeat and coon are relatable. Cooning is winning right now actually. I'm talking about falling back, accepting that I cannot change the mind of people who are hell bent on perversion, dysfunction and self-interest.

 

[Jay]

There is more to cooning than giving up! In fact, I don't even think defeat and coon are relatable. Cooning is winning right now actually. I'm talking about falling back, accepting that I cannot change the mind of people who are hell bent on perversion, dysfunction and self-interest.

Why would you give up? If love was easy to find it wouldn't be worth cherishing when you get it.

 

[Tati 304]

I kept going back to my ex because he had a firm grip of my heart through my pants. I need to heal and not fall for the superficial qualities.

 

[Bruh Man]

There is more to cooning than giving up! In fact, I don't even think defeat and coon are relatable. Cooning is winning right now actually. I'm talking about falling back, accepting that I cannot change the mind of people who are hell bent on perversion, dysfunction and self-interest.

Oh that sounds like wisdom just kicking in.

 

[Ubiquity]

Why would you give up? If love was easy to find it wouldn't be worth cherishing when you get it.

... I don't believe in that anymore. I believe in plans, intentions and goals!!

 

[Ubiquity]

I kept going back to my ex because he had a firm grip of my heart through my pants. I need to heal and not fall for the superficial qualities.

I respect you owning it!! Once you're able to identify what is going on you can identity what WILL BE going on

 

[Jay]

... I don't believe in that anymore. I believe in plans, intentions and goals!!

Yeah but maybe thats your pathway to love.

 

[Ubiquity]

Yeah but maybe thats your pathway to love.

If you say so. Let's not call it love though, let's call it appreciation and good intentions!

 

[Tati 304]

I respect you owning it!! Once you're able to identify what is going on you can identity what WILL BE going on

Yes I 'm learning that. Cannot change what I have not accepted.