I came across this thread on a Facebook page and thought I'd bring it over here. Do we do a disservice to our kids by raising them in the suburbs around white people? I think so. Black kids that grow up around a lot of white people may have a sense of identity but tend to be very liberal in who they befriend and who they date. In my case, my kids are very aware of who they are and the issues black people face but they are very open to and engage in non-black things like music (K-Pop for example) and who they date. No matter how much I try to school them, they see me as old-fashioned I guess, or too conservative, or something. I just hope that they don't have to learn the hard way and one day they will wake up.
The Cookout
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Raising our kids in the suburbs
One of my scariest nightmare scenarios. Being well off economically, elevating my lifestyle and moving to the nice part of town, and having my kids grow up totally disconnected from my upbringing. I always feel as if it would be difficult to continuously instill a sense of Black Empowerment in my kids in a neighborhood devoid of it. I wonder how people have been able to manage it.
OMG that is scary. I'm so nervous about my son getting older and starting to find more commonality with the Fortnite, social media, and white culture than with his Black side. It's like no matter how much we talk to them they are still their own people and at the end of the day they are going to make their own choices. So I'm going to keep reinforcing Blackness and B1 into my son and be the Templar of it and hope he takes it with him in his adult life.
As a person experiencing it now, I always wondered what I could have done differently or where I went wrong? But the truth is the world is much bigger than you and much harder to compete with. I admit I wasn't as conscious when I was younger as I am right now, so I didn't really push the B1 mindset. Now that I'm older and they are older, maybe I was too late in doing so. But then again, I remember telling my son when he went to college all about white women and what they are capable of. However, I think I may have unknowingly pushed him more towards them. He dated nothing white women in college and ultimately ended up married to one. So, on the one hand, you can teach them all about our people, but you have to be conscious not to push too hard.
You are so right. They are their own people and will make their own decisions. As they get older, many times, they see you as "old school," so they may not take what you're saying seriously especially when there are so many other forces pulling them in. Hoping that your son will take in what you're saying. If so, he'll see the world through clearer lenses as he gets older.
I think what backfires on us when we tell them what to do or think. I’m trying my best to just give my son the facts and let him come to the conclusions that make sense for him. So that it’s his world view he came to on his own and not one I’m attempting to impose on him.
We went to a Black history museum yesterday and there are pictures of Harriet Tubman and I explained what she did and why she was important. And he on his own started piecing together how she was saving us from white people who enslaved us.
I’m not telling him what to think just trying to give him the facts.
I won’t live in the burbs for this reason. I’ll rather live in a not as nice place but have my kids around other Black people. I couldn’t imagine my kids coming home talking like whites people.
That's excellent! I wish I would have really thought about HOW I communicated to my son and perhaps came to him from a different angle. But if I was as conscious then as I am now, I would have done things differently. I like the way you're teaching your son. It's a smarter way to go. My main concern back then was religion (getting involved in church), education (getting that college degree), and then everything else. You live and you learn. Kudos to you for doing better!
I believe in 2 things when raising black children if I ever become a parent one day
1) Love for the Black Skin. My parents taught my two sisters and I to love our African/Black features about ourselves
I had people walk up to me and say "you know you are really dark" and I say to them " and your point is ?" cause white people tries to give beauty suggestions and it is really just conformity to the white power structures.
2) The white man's world is not better it just looks that way. There is too much Black people all over the world that thinks the water that the white man drink is golden, Probably from worshipping too much of that white Jesus. I met white people from all walks of life from very rich to very poor. They are equally shit in one way or another
I had friends who grew up in the suburbs they tell me about all the monkey jokes and slave comments and I still look at them crazy. Another thing which is sad is that their black parents are usually the ones that have the anti black views in the first place why they move to the suburbs.
1) Love for the Black Skin. My parents taught my two sisters and I to love our African/Black features about ourselves
I had people walk up to me and say "you know you are really dark" and I say to them " and your point is ?" cause white people tries to give beauty suggestions and it is really just conformity to the white power structures.
2) The white man's world is not better it just looks that way. There is too much Black people all over the world that thinks the water that the white man drink is golden, Probably from worshipping too much of that white Jesus. I met white people from all walks of life from very rich to very poor. They are equally shit in one way or another
I had friends who grew up in the suburbs they tell me about all the monkey jokes and slave comments and I still look at them crazy. Another thing which is sad is that their black parents are usually the ones that have the anti black views in the first place why they move to the suburbs.
LOL! You are correct about that. It's good that you learned early to appreciate your Black skin. I wish I had that teaching early. I had to do it on my own as a young adult.
Grew up in the suburbs with unconscious parents and wasn’t prepared for anti black racism. I don’t recommend it… I’m B1 because of the negative experiences in suburbia.
So you're B1 through ostracization basically. You think if you were accepted that your outcome would have been different?
There is no manual to life and if I had kids earlier in my life I would have had the same exact issue you did. I had my son at 29 so I was already tired of White Supremacy for about 6 years prior so it was easy when I had a son.
Yes, I do think the outcome would've been different. I would've been focused on living a nice and easy life buying negro trinkets.
I also think "accepted" by whites is an oxymoron, it's really how much people want to let stuff slide and go along with. My sibling for instance was very popular, but is extremely off code.
I appreciate your candor. BTW you’re right about the acceptance part, you can be tolerated but they truly never accept you. Start talking some pro-Black shit and see how they treat you.