Sisters, What's The Biggest Dating Issues W/Brothas?

[RCNAL]

I did a post on what a white guy and his successful black friend thought about dating sisters.

I didn't want it to be a bashing black women thing (love me some sistas) but an honest discussion about 'some' sisters.

What are yours or your friends/ relatives biggest complaints? I have heard them from my female homies, relatives. Almost all seem to date the wrong guy while looking for the right guy and/or aren't really ready for a producer, decent guy tryna do well.

I do genuinely feel bad for a few sisters I know who are quality women but can't find that right guy. My circle of brothers are on point. I admire them greatly. I think in my early years I had some Pookie homies in my circle because these were brothers I grew up with, had history. But as time goes on I moved apart because of what I was trying to do. Eventually I only befriended positive brothers who were pro black. All of them are married or engaged and make a good living. I'm the only one that is truly 'single'. But that's the type of brothers I want to be around. I still stay in touch with and got mad love for the homies from around the way. But I wouldn't introduce any of them to good sistas. I love them to death but.....

So, sisters what's the main issues with trying to date brothers these days?

 

[Deleted member 1946]

I can't wait to read these responses.

 

[RCNAL]

This is a 'safe place'. Fellas, lets hear the sisters out. I would like comments that are free from fear of counter attacks.

 

[Extraterrestrial BLKup♾️]

I did a post on what a white guy and his successful black friend thought about dating sisters.

I didn't want it to be a bashing black women thing (love me some sistas) but an honest discussion about 'some' sisters.

What are yours or your friends/ relatives biggest complaints? I have heard them from my female homies, relatives. Almost all seem to date the wrong guy while looking for the right guy and/or aren't really ready for a producer, decent guy tryna do well.

I do genuinely feel bad for a few sisters I know who are quality women but can't find that right guy. My circle of brothers are on point. I admire them greatly. I think in my early years I had some Pookie homies in my circle because these were brothers I grew up with, had history. But as time goes on I moved apart because of what I was trying to do. Eventually I only befriended positive brothers who were pro black. All of them are married or engaged and make a good living. I'm the only one that is truly 'single'. But that's the type of brothers I want to be around. I still stay in touch with and got mad love for the homies from around the way. But I wouldn't introduce any of them to good sistas. I love them to death but.....

So, sisters what's the main issues with trying to date brothers these days?

My POV is skewed 🤓☕,
coming out of the 10+relationship...
I've been single for 3 years now. And sadly I don't miss it.....
The process of "courting" is not the same anymore. My personal grievance with getting back into the dating pool is;
I feel that I'm "supposed to be" vapid and/or mentally pliable like clay🙃or AI🤖 but at 41 years old I'm not.☕.. 👁️‍🗨️I have my own thoughts and although I might be amused by trending topics🤓♾️
I enjoy a "simp" 😭 I feel the reason that Grandma and Grandpa stay together so long is that he knew the art of romancing and there's no longer any romance in the dating pool.
There is also no chivalry. Lately I see a lot of conversations about who should pay for dates... I have no problem being a strong, "independent" black woman, but I do desire the opportunity to be soft at least in my relationship. I desire the opportunity to be vulnerable. If I'm dating a man that I'm interested in I don't want lukewarm affections.
And when residing together down the line, I don't want to feel the urge to say "I can do bad all by myself". Struggle love is a big NO for me. I feel as if I have dating PTSD 😅🤫 My dating preference is 55-39 but sadly the black males that I am familiar with (in person) their mental maturity is stuck around 16-23 😭 they are perfectly happy with the status quo. They have no ambition to do anything better then obtain a vehicle, make just enough money to buy Jordans every two weeks+ a bottle and Marijuana then pay probation ☕ or child support, 😭 But IdK 😐.... Appreciate the conversation starter though 💜🅾️🅾️🅾️🅾️🅾️🅾️👑🔥

 

[RCNAL]

These men you mentioned "they are perfectly happy with the status quo. They have no ambition to do anything better then obtain a vehicle, make just enough money to buy Jordans every two weeks+ a bottle and Marijuana then pay probation...."

Is this the norm? My other question is do they start out talking/acting differently then their true selves come out or they were kinda like that, had those vibes and you ignored the red flags?

I've done the latter: ignore the red flags.

Lastly, what is the black consciousness level? Fake hoteps, talk the talk or they were never really committed to B1?

 

[Extraterrestrial BLKup♾️]

The comfortable men that I mentioned are the ones who actually have the confidence to demand that I ..."smile"as I walk past versus the good guy that I seek, would probably say "oh your beautiful 🌺, Can I have a smile".... So to answer the first question; No👁️‍🗨️ I don't believe it's the NorM.
I just believe it's the majority.
As for the question number two, my dating history extends back 25 years but I'm a "long-term" chick (Wifey) so over the past 25 years I've really only had three relationships the high school sweetheart . The nightclub bouncer (very transparent) and most recently the Perpetrator ( The Great pretender)... When I relocated to Gainesville in 2010 he was a co-worker and indeed a wolf in sheep's clothing. He maintained a facade for a very long time, especially after me reading Steve Harvey's book and requiring him to wait 90 days before intercourse. He had been in prisoned at the age of 17 and when we became friends at the workplace his line about enjoying the rain because the opportunity to get caught in the rain had been denied from him... He was this awesome life partner for a long time about 4years into the relationship he changed, but he was strongly influenced by his peers/brothers who stay in and out of jail/prison. They constantly called me LAME 🤓and called him PussWwwhipped. I ignored about a thousand🚩 red flags 🤔🚩 I put him out of my car on one of our first dates (before sex). 😄 I politely leaned over and popped the door on his side and ask him to GTFO 🙃 Anyway, I believe I'm an empath, 🦇💩 👀👁️if I get a bad vibe, I ghost real quick as dating vet. In regards to their CONSCIOUSNESS 😭 SMH my GenX FLBro's =20% didn't/don't even bother to obtain their GED, 10% fake hotel, 8% jailhouse NOI 😭😐... 👁️‍🗨️My ex was starting to wake up to certain things but decided to put the glasses back on. He's of the mindset ignorance is bliss. Other average black man here are zombies willing to do whatever gets them a paycheck. This is my skewed perspective/opinion only.

 

[RCNAL]

The comfortable men that I mentioned are the ones who actually have the confidence to demand that I ..."smile"as I walk past versus the good guy that I seek, would probably say "oh your beautiful 🌺, Can I have a smile".... So to answer the first question; No👁️‍🗨️ I don't believe it's the NorM.
I just believe it's the majority.
As for the question number two, my dating history extends back 25 years but I'm a "long-term" chick (Wifey) so over the past 25 years I've really only had three relationships the high school sweetheart . The nightclub bouncer (very transparent) and most recently the Perpetrator ( The Great pretender)... When I relocated to Gainesville in 2010 he was a co-worker and indeed a wolf in sheep's clothing. He maintained a facade for a very long time, especially after me reading Steve Harvey's book and requiring him to wait 90 days before intercourse. He had been in prisoned at the age of 17 and when we became friends at the workplace his line about enjoying the rain because the opportunity to get caught in the rain had been denied from him... He was this awesome life partner for a long time about 4years into the relationship he changed, but he was strongly influenced by his peers/brothers who stay in and out of jail/prison. They constantly called me LAME 🤓and called him PussWwwhipped. I ignored about a thousand🚩 red flags 🤔🚩 I put him out of my car on one of our first dates (before sex). 😄 I politely leaned over and popped the door on his side and ask him to GTFO 🙃 Anyway, I believe I'm an empath, 🦇💩 👀👁️if I get a bad vibe, I ghost real quick as dating vet. In regards to their CONSCIOUSNESS 😭 SMH my GenX FLBro's =20% didn't/don't even bother to obtain their GED, 10% fake hotel, 8% jailhouse NOI 😭😐... 👁️‍🗨️My ex was starting to wake up to certain things but decided to put the glasses back on. He's of the mindset ignorance is bliss. Other average black man here are zombies willing to do whatever gets them a paycheck. This is my skewed perspective/opinion only.

Thanks for the honesty and perspective. what I will add is over a certain age, I'll go with somewhere in your 30s, men's inner circle of friends kinda reflects where he is and where he's going, generally speaking.

Also, the guys who have the least got the best mack. They have to. I've noticed that.

Anyway, hoping for the best. If you are on this site, you are a down sista by definition. Gainesville is a college town in part (been there a few times way, way back in the day) but the dating scene is that bad, huh?

 

[Extraterrestrial BLKup♾️]

Thanks for the honesty and perspective. what I will add is over a certain age, I'll go with somewhere in your 30s, men's inner circle of friends kinda reflects where he is and where he's going, generally speaking.

Also, the guys who have the least got the best mack. They have to. I've noticed that.

Anyway, hoping for the best. If you are on this site, you are a down sista by definition. Gainesville is a college town in part (been there a few times way, way back in the day) but the dating scene is that bad, huh?

I don't really know if it's that bad...
I really feel that, my peers here DON'T feel that they will get the respected if they are their AUTHENTIC selves.

I came across a post on another platform the black women were discussing attending a Keith Sweat 💦 concert and I had to remind them. Keith Sweat is in his 60s??? and yet he wouldn't find me appealing (or anyone on the post trying to stroke his ego) because they all want JT$ (hot girls) or Meg$tallion. 😐 ... I've started to be more open / friendly
(working on my resting b*face) in person/in my circles. I'm a library mouse low key SupAratchet though. I'm a minimalist so go to the laundromat once a month... I notice a few guys kind of picking up on my routine but I know I'm NOT, low hanging fruit. Over the past 25 years, I guess🤔 I'm just not worth the effort of them stepping on a ladder. 🙃 I was raised being bullied constantly called the black white girl/the white girl and a BLACK girl because I tried to stay fit by jogging and I'm financially fit/ literate. I used to jog by the Florida Keys community college and now walk UF regular but I have to stay strapped because instead of them trying to "court" me they'd rather take it by force. They're very aggressive. These conversations have been coming up more since they're waiting on that Freaknik documentary. I was only about 12 when my aunties would start telling me all the crazy stories of being assaulted while trying to have fun. Anyway enjoy this beautiful day.

 

[Extraterrestrial BLKup♾️]

And please excuse how I always set myself apart 👽because I'm a fraternal twin boy girl. So scientifically I have bit more testosterone🤔🤓 than the typical females.... Which would make me a tomboy by genetic design🧬

 

[RCNAL]

And please excuse how I always set myself apart 👽because I'm a fraternal twin boy girl. So scientifically I have bit more testosterone🤔🤓 than the typical females.... Which would make me a tomboy by genetic design🧬

Nothing to apologize about. Very revealing, interesting and I think we all learned a thing or two.