The Cookout

[Red Velvet]

• Don’t ever assume your partner feels loved.
• Date nights are a must. Doesn’t matter if you go out, or stay in.
• Talking openly about what you want to change in your relationship is important.
• Learn each others love language. We all don’t perceive love the same way
• Go to bed mad sometimes. Don’t force a resolution. Sleeping on it does help.
• When you get into a fight, don’t just say “I’m sorry”. Say what you are sorry for, and how you will react differently next time.
• It will get boring sometimes. Every couple goes through the “boring” stage. It’s normal. It will fade. This is the time in your relationship you will have to put the most effort in.
• Some days you will have to pull more weight than your partner, and vice versa.
• It’s important to check in on each other’s mental health.
• It’s okay to go to couples counselling. It helps. It doesn’t mean you two are ending, or failing.
• Talk about money. Talk about your financial goals. Let your partner know what you expect from them, and vice versa.
• Turn off the phones an hour before bedtime and just talk to each other.
• Ask questions like: “What do you need to see more of from me?” “How can we understand each other better?”

And most importantly, be kind to each other.

Love each other.

Fight for each other.

Remember, love is never easy, and it’s one hell of a ride.

But damn, is it ever beautiful, and worth it.

I got this from Reddit.

 

[jazzyjon314]

• Don’t ever assume your partner feels loved.
• Date nights are a must. Doesn’t matter if you go out, or stay in.
• Talking openly about what you want to change in your relationship is important.
• Learn each others love language. We all don’t perceive love the same way
• Go to bed mad sometimes. Don’t force a resolution. Sleeping on it does help.
• When you get into a fight, don’t just say “I’m sorry”. Say what you are sorry for, and how you will react differently next time.
• It will get boring sometimes. Every couple goes through the “boring” stage. It’s normal. It will fade. This is the time in your relationship you will have to put the most effort in.
• Some days you will have to pull more weight than your partner, and vice versa.
• It’s important to check in on each other’s mental health.
• It’s okay to go to couples counselling. It helps. It doesn’t mean you two are ending, or failing.
• Talk about money. Talk about your financial goals. Let your partner know what you expect from them, and vice versa.
• Turn off the phones an hour before bedtime and just talk to each other.
• Ask questions like: “What do you need to see more of from me?” “How can we understand each other better?”

And most importantly, be kind to each other.

Love each other.

Fight for each other.

Remember, love is never easy, and it’s one hell of a ride.

But damn, is it ever beautiful, and worth it.

I got this from Reddit.

Great post! Those are excellent advice/tips! Definitely going through it now with my wife. We've been married for nearly 7 years with 2 children and a lot of these tips are often outlooked.

 

[Boss Hog]

Great post! Those are excellent advice/tips! Definitely going through it now with my wife. We've been married for nearly 7 years with 2 children and a lot of these tips are often outlooked.

Which parts stuck out the most to you? I feel like when we get in a rut we often forget to start dating each other. We also never take time to reaffirm our love. I have often thought it was self evident and it ain’t. Sometimes I thought I was showing love but really we were just roommates who had sex

 

[jazzyjon314]

Which parts stuck out the most to you? I feel like when we get in a rut we often forget to start dating each other. We also never take time to reaffirm our love. I have often thought it was self evident and it ain’t. Sometimes I thought I was showing love but really we were just roommates who had sex

The main thing was assuming my wife felt loved. After dating for a year and a half, we married and afterwards we lacked to keep things new in the relationship. Before my wife, I haven't been in a long-term relationships. Actually, my wife was really my first girlfriend. After we married, I went into a runt mentality; just staying focused on bills and finances of the household. Also being stressed from workplace interactions and bringing that tension home would push my wife away from the affection she needed. I got comfortable and figured "Well, I'm your husband now so I don't have to work as hard to impress you or keep things exciting".

 

[Jay]

The main thing was assuming my wife felt loved. After dating for a year and a half, we married and afterwards we lacked to keep things new in the relationship. Before my wife, I haven't been in a long-term relationships. Actually, my wife was really my first girlfriend. After we married, I went into a runt mentality; just staying focused on bills and finances of the household. Also being stressed from workplace interactions and bringing that tension home would push my wife away from the affection she needed. I got comfortable and figured "Well, I'm your husband now so I don't have to work as hard to impress you or keep things exciting".

Damn bruh you took the role that we typically associate with wives. It's so easy to get in that rut though because the thrill is gone. When you're dating there is no administrative part to the relationship. Every interaction is like a mini vacation from the stresses of day to day life. But when yall link up/move in together now your significant other is now apart of that administrative portion of your life. Your administration may actually increase because your and her administration combine. So it's easy to get caught up in the maintenance of life and neglect the relationship.

Relationships take conscious and deliberate effort and I wish that was taught more. You have to make the conscious effort to commit and stay faithful, love doesn't put you on Cloud 9 and make everything easy. It takes work.

 

[Boss Hog]

The main thing was assuming my wife felt loved. After dating for a year and a half, we married and afterwards we lacked to keep things new in the relationship. Before my wife, I haven't been in a long-term relationships. Actually, my wife was really my first girlfriend. After we married, I went into a runt mentality; just staying focused on bills and finances of the household. Also being stressed from workplace interactions and bringing that tension home would push my wife away from the affection she needed. I got comfortable and figured "Well, I'm your husband now so I don't have to work as hard to impress you or keep things exciting".

Same shit I went through. I was working at Amazon and they was working me like a got damn slave. I would come home not wanting to hear a damn thing. Didn't want to listen to my lady talk about her day, didn't want to be romantic, I just wanted to come home and watch Sportscenter. It messed up my relationship badly and I didn't realize how shitty I was being until we saw a counselor and she put a mirror in my face. First thing I did was get the hell away from Amazon and that started us on the path to healing.

 

[jazzyjon314]

Same shit I went through. I was working at Amazon and they was working me like a got damn slave. I would come home not wanting to hear a damn thing. Didn't want to listen to my lady talk about her day, didn't want to be romantic, I just wanted to come home and watch Sportscenter. It messed up my relationship badly and I didn't realize how shitty I was being until we saw a counselor and she put a mirror in my face. First thing I did was get the hell away from Amazon and that started us on the path to healing.

 

[jazzyjon314]

Same shit I went through. I was working at Amazon and they was working me like a got damn slave. I would come home not wanting to hear a damn thing. Didn't want to listen to my lady talk about her day, didn't want to be romantic, I just wanted to come home and watch Sportscenter. It messed up my relationship badly and I didn't realize how shitty I was being until we saw a counselor and she put a mirror in my face. First thing I did was get the hell away from Amazon and that started us on the path to healing.

At that time, at the being of 2016, that was one of the first things I did to improve the relationship was to quit that job. We were in a lot better shape for about 2 years.

 

[Boss Hog]

At that time, at the being of 2016, that was one of the first things I did to improve the relationship was to quit that job. We were in a lot better shape for about 2 years.

A stressful gig aint worth your health and happiness no matter how much it pays I had to learn that the hard way. Happiness is everything

 

[jazzyjon314]

Damn bruh you took the role that we typically associate with wives. It's so easy to get in that rut though because the thrill is gone. When you're dating there is no administrative part to the relationship. Every interaction is like a mini vacation from the stresses of day to day life. But when yall link up/move in together now your significant other is now apart of that administrative portion of your life. Your administration may actually increase because your and her administration combine. So it's easy to get caught up in the maintenance of life and neglect the relationship.

Relationships take conscious and deliberate effort and I wish that was taught more. You have to make the conscious effort to commit and stay faithful, love doesn't put you on Cloud 9 and make everything easy. It takes work.

Definitely knowing that females are always extra sensitive to any kind of emotional distress and are very easy to be taken advantage of by any other males that shows any attention to her and know that she's lacking attention by her mate.

 

[Red Velvet]

The main thing was assuming my wife felt loved. After dating for a year and a half, we married and afterwards we lacked to keep things new in the relationship. Before my wife, I haven't been in a long-term relationships. Actually, my wife was really my first girlfriend. After we married, I went into a runt mentality; just staying focused on bills and finances of the household. Also being stressed from workplace interactions and bringing that tension home would push my wife away from the affection she needed. I got comfortable and figured "Well, I'm your husband now so I don't have to work as hard to impress you or keep things exciting".

Are you two on the up and up?

 

[jazzyjon314]

Are you two on the up and up?

For the most part but certainly had issues/conflicts (wife came from a abusive relationship and myself being new to a relationship). I believe we should've waited longer before getting marriage. Our communication was lacking on what was expected from each other going into marriage. It was like; we dated for a year, cohabited for 5 months, then got married.

 

[Nesut]

Learn each others love language. We all don’t perceive love the same way

I used to think this was born again hoe babble but once I read up on it I was impressed. I realized that a lot of my relationships failed because either I or She were not communicating in each other’s love language. I’m an Acts of Service guy and if you give me Physical Touch it will never fill up my love cup.

 

[Blackgravity]

I've been married going on 24 years, the main thing for me is the level of respect has to stay high, that's a must. And the other rule I have and live by is, I do not interfere with her side of the family, period. Unless it has something to do with me or the kids. Other than that.. I don't weigh in on her side of the family matters.. And vice versa.

And of course do what is needed to keep the love.

 

[Devin]

I've been married going on 24 years, the main thing for me is the level of respect has to stay high, that's a must. And the other rule I have and live by is, I do not interfere with her side of the family, period. Unless it has something to do with me or the kids. Other than that.. I don't weigh in on her side of the family matters.. And vice versa.

And of course do what is needed to keep the love.

Respect, mutual understanding and tolerance is what keeps all relationships for me and including marriage as well. Once any of them goes wanting, it's going to be very difficult for the relationship to survive.

 

[Red Velvet]

I've been married going on 24 years, the main thing for me is the level of respect has to stay high, that's a must. And the other rule I have and live by is, I do not interfere with her side of the family, period. Unless it has something to do with me or the kids. Other than that.. I don't weigh in on her side of the family matters.. And vice versa.

And of course do what is needed to keep the love.

The not weighing in on her side of the family is huge and never gets talked about. I don’t like when a man I’m with makes it an us vs them when it comes to my family. I dated a narcissist who would always weigh in on my family issues and made it so that everyone in my family was the bad guy but he was the savior. It was terrible.

 

[Blackgravity]

The not weighing in on her side of the family is huge and never gets talked about. I don’t like when a man I’m with makes it an us vs them when it comes to my family. I dated a narcissist who would always weigh in on my family issues and made it so that everyone in my family was the bad guy but he was the savior. It was terrible.

Yea, you have to learn to respect people's boundaries, family to me is a boundary that was there before you married. So you never cross it. In doing so you'll always stay good with her/his side of the family.
It's tough to juggle.. But worth the stress you go through.

 

[Blackgravity]

Respect, mutual understanding and tolerance is what keeps all relationships for me and including marriage as well. Once any of them goes wanting, it's going to be very difficult for the relationship to survive.

100 facts 👍🏾

 

[Devin]

The not weighing in on her side of the family is huge and never gets talked about. I don’t like when a man I’m with makes it an us vs them when it comes to my family. I dated a narcissist who would always weigh in on my family issues and made it so that everyone in my family was the bad guy but he was the savior. It was terrible.

This is actually why I take my time to be in the friendship space for long and learn more about the person whom I would like to date because being in a relationship with some kind of personality is going to choke the life out of you.

 

[Red Velvet]

This is actually why I take my time to be in the friendship space for long and learn more about the person whom I would like to date because being in a relationship with some kind of personality is going to choke the life out of you.

Doesn’t that hurt you with women? Sounds like a recipe for the friend zone.

 

[Devin]

Doesn’t that hurt you with women? Sounds like a recipe for the friend zone.

To some extent it does but it's better for me on the long run, than jump into the relationship too early only for it to turn out to be a bad decision because I didn't actually know my partner well.

 

[Dollene]

Doesn’t that hurt you with women? Sounds like a recipe for the friend zone.

You get 365 from me. Don’t take a man long to know what he wants.

I used to think this was born again hoe babble but once I read up on it I was impressed. I realized that a lot of my relationships failed because either I or She were not communicating in each other’s love language. I’m an Acts of Service guy and if you give me Physical Touch it will never fill up my love cup.

Love is what it does not what it says

 

[Red Velvet]

You get 365 from me. Don’t take a man long to know what he wants.

What does this mean sis?

To some extent it does but it's better for me on the long run, than jump into the relationship too early only for it to turn out to be a bad decision because I didn't actually know my partner well.

Do you show sexual interest or are you engaging in real platonic friendships and trying to move them into romantic relationship down the line??

 

[Devin]

What does this mean sis?

Do you show sexual interest or are you engaging in real platonic friendships and trying to move them into romantic relationship down the line??

I do the latter with them because it's the honorable thing to do. If I find out they are sexually attracted to me, I tend to distance a little bit because I know what too much closure can do.

 

[Dollene]

What does this mean sis?

Do you show sexual interest or are you engaging in real platonic friendships and trying to move them into romantic relationship down the line??

I’ll give a man one year to decide if he wants marriage or not. With my first husband, I was more relaxed with time. I was super young, but even he had until graduation. Four years of dating did not prevent divorce. Now I don’t have the luxury of time. I know my value, and so does my ex.
Him: “You still in the street or you ready to come home???”
Me: “I told you they can’t cook”

 

[Dollene]

I do the latter with them because it's the honorable thing to do. If I find out they are sexually attracted to me, I tend to distance a little bit because I know what too much closure can do.

I say No to soul ties. Definitely don’t engage sexually unless it’s the real deal.

 

[Red Velvet]

I’ll give a man one year to decide if he wants marriage or not. With my first husband, I was more relaxed with time. I was super young, but even he had until graduation. Four years of dating did not prevent divorce. Now I don’t have the luxury of time. I know my value, and so does my ex.
Him: “You still in the street or you ready to come home???”
Me: “I told you they can’t cook”

I hear you Sis and I feel the same. It doesn’t take a man that long to figure out if he wants to marry you or not. Any man sayinf they need more time after a year is playing games or is not ready and I have no time for either. My clock is ticking I can‘t afford a 3 year relationship, a 2 year relationship there, if it can’t go all the way it ain’t going at all.

 

[Devin]

I say No to soul ties. Definitely don’t engage sexually unless it’s the real deal.

Exactly! Sex is a huge commitment for me and as such I don't view it lightly. Before, I'm getting laid, I know that we are both will to get committed for the long term.