The Cookout

[Sapphire]

How soon do you expect to get physical when you are dating someone new? After the first date? After a few dates? Do you wait until you are in a relationship?

Curious to see what everyone thinks is best for them. You can answer this if you are married or in a relationship. We all tend to still know our own expectations in the dating world even after we are out of it.

For me, I view it as a risk. I don't like to just hop into bed with someone I hardly know. There have been times when I waited for a few months, other times it was a few dates. I think it depends on how well and how fast I get to know someone. I don't want to risk getting pregnant by what turns out to be a bum. Even with birth control and condoms, there is still always a chance of pregnancy and that is always on my mind when dating someone new. So for me, I like to wait things out and take things slow. Messing around is one thing but going all the way? I have to be sure about it.

 

[Jay]

How soon do you expect to get physical when you are dating someone new? After the first date? After a few dates? Do you wait until you are in a relationship?

Curious to see what everyone thinks is best for them. You can answer this if you are married or in a relationship. We all tend to still know our own expectations in the dating world even after we are out of it.

For me, I view it as a risk. I don't like to just hop into bed with someone I hardly know. There have been times when I waited for a few months, other times it was a few dates. I think it depends on how well and how fast I get to know someone. I don't want to risk getting pregnant by what turns out to be a bum. Even with birth control and condoms, there is still always a chance of pregnancy and that is always on my mind when dating someone new. So for me, I like to wait things out and take things slow. Messing around is one thing but going all the way? I have to be sure about it.

It all depends on the quality of woman:

• Wife Material: After we've built a foundation of friendship and respect. Could be 30 days or more. You don't want to put pressure here, let the relationship mature naturally.

• Not Wife Material: ASAP with as minimal investment in time and money as possible.
  • There needs to be at least one date here to make sure she isn't musty and dusty.

 

[Devin]

When it comes to dating, I never become physical on the first date. I'm the type of person that wants to have a genuine relationship rather than a "hook up." When it comes to getting physical, I normally wait until we fully come into a mutual relationship. I don't feel right when I get physical too quickly with someone.

 

[MR-D-ROB]

Well it depends on what the purpose is! I'm very blunt. If my we're both on the same page and know our intentions are just to mess around and nothing serious probably within a few days.

If it's someone I'm serious about and they are serious too then I tend to want to wait. Usually at least a month.

For someone I feel doesn't meet my standards then I'm just trying to smash, dash and then don't call her azz!

 

[Sapphire]

That makes sense. If you are just looking for something casual and you don't see someone worth investing in but just want something temporary, moving fast makes sense. Get in, get the job done, get out. For someone you are really interested in though, you want to build something before you get in bed.

 

[Carbon]

It's all relative. Long as you're both honest - you're grown and it's nobody's business.

 

[Troy]

I gotta co-sign the other brehs on here and say that it depends. If I don’t wanna be yo man it needs to go down asap. I got about 3 dates in me max if you just a jump off to me.

It's all relative. Long as you're both honest - you're grown and it's nobody's business.

True but what’s relative to you?

 

[Carbon]

I gotta co-sign the other brehs on here and say that it depends. If I don’t wanna be yo man it needs to go down asap. I got about 3 dates in me max if you just a jump off to me.


True but what’s relative to you?

Relative, meaning mostly situational. If we met at a club, I'm not expecting to start off fully invested in a long term outcome.
If we are physically attracted to each other and it's reciprocated...why put term limits in place if we are safe about it?

On the flip... I don't spend money on the woman - per se. I spend money because I'm out spending what I would spend anyway. If I have been on 3rd date with a woman, that means that she has my attention. I don't need physical validation. I think that by date 3 if you don't see intimacy (not sex, but honesty and beginnings of trust and transparency) I would shuffle the deck. Sex is easy to get in 2022. Intimacy is a rare commodity that we require in long term relationships.

 

[DayOneBro]

How soon do you expect to get physical when you are dating someone new? After the first date? After a few dates? Do you wait until you are in a relationship?

Curious to see what everyone thinks is best for them. You can answer this if you are married or in a relationship. We all tend to still know our own expectations in the dating world even after we are out of it.

For me, I view it as a risk. I don't like to just hop into bed with someone I hardly know. There have been times when I waited for a few months, other times it was a few dates. I think it depends on how well and how fast I get to know someone. I don't want to risk getting pregnant by what turns out to be a bum. Even with birth control and condoms, there is still always a chance of pregnancy and that is always on my mind when dating someone new. So for me, I like to wait things out and take things slow. Messing around is one thing but going all the way? I have to be sure about it.

If its someone I see as a potential long term mate then no rush on getting physical.

 

[Red Velvet]

If its someone I see as a potential long term mate then no rush on getting physical.

I see that this is consistent with the men here. How do you determine if she is long term or not?

 

[Blackgravity]

I have to see how she lives first,if I go to her house and it's filthy, I'm good.
It all depends on the chemistry between us, there's been times when I knew right away "I'm not sticking nothing in that" and other times when the chemistry was so strong we never made it to the house (😉). It also depends on what your looking for and, what age you are.
I'm glad I don't have to pick females out of this current bunch, I'd be a damn monk by now.

 

[DayOneBro]

I see that this is consistent with the men here. How do you determine if she is long term or not?

The first and/or second lengthy conversations is a good indicater for me; vibe and ideaologys along with a level feminine nuturing characteristics.

 

[Red Velvet]

The first and/or second lengthy conversations is a good indicater for me; vibe and ideaologys along with a level feminine nuturing characteristics.

Can you give a sista a little bit more please? I'm trying to get snatched out here I'm in my mid 30's.

 

[DayOneBro]

Can you give a sista a little bit more please? I'm trying to get snatched out here I'm in my mid 30's

I'd have to talk to you sis via phone in order to get a feel of what and how your trying to get as far as personal outcomes.

 

[Red Velvet]

I'd have to talk to you sis via phone in order to get a feel of what and how your trying to get as far as personal outcomes.

 

[DayOneBro]

lol. Not in that way sis.

 

[Jay]

lol. Not in that way sis.

 

[DayOneBro]

 

[Jay]

We can clearly tell you like to get physical on the first date.

I see you playa.

 

[MarleyK20]

It all depends on the quality of woman:

• Wife Material: After we've built a foundation of friendship and respect. Could be 30 days or more. You don't want to put pressure here, let the relationship mature naturally.

• Not Wife Material:ASAP with as minimal investment in time and money as possible.
  • There needs to be at least one date here to make sure she isn't musty and dusty.

"To make sure she isn't musty and dusty" 😂😂😂😂

 

[MarleyK20]

How soon do you expect to get physical when you are dating someone new? After the first date? After a few dates? Do you wait until you are in a relationship?

Curious to see what everyone thinks is best for them. You can answer this if you are married or in a relationship. We all tend to still know our own expectations in the dating world even after we are out of it.

For me, I view it as a risk. I don't like to just hop into bed with someone I hardly know. There have been times when I waited for a few months, other times it was a few dates. I think it depends on how well and how fast I get to know someone. I don't want to risk getting pregnant by what turns out to be a bum. Even with birth control and condoms, there is still always a chance of pregnancy and that is always on my mind when dating someone new. So for me, I like to wait things out and take things slow. Messing around is one thing but going all the way? I have to be sure about it.

I think it depends. I'm old school so I want to know who I'm finna give my sugar bowl to before I start mixing up. I need to talk, and go on a few dates, even if it's meeting at a coffee shop, park, etc. I'm not into all the flash, high-dollar dates because I have respect for time and money. I don't want to lay with anyone who views women as prey or semen dumps so I'm pretty particular. Understanding how men operate and view women in the long and short term based on the energy we put off, I don't get into situations where quickies are the end game. I believe every time you sleep with someone you give a piece of your soul away you can never get back. There is no need to give yourself to someone who doesn't care about you, and pumping and dumping fall into that category.

I'm older and old school. Since I divorced (at age 45), I've found I'm not cut out for this new dating shit. I enjoy traveling, hanging out with my girlfriends, minding my business, and building communities. Our community is broken because we engage in Western sexual practices which cause us to defoul our temples and sell our souls for momentary pleasure. Our more liberal attitudes about sex have not faired well for us. In my opinion, less is more. If you don't hold your sugar bowls and joysticks in high regard, no one else will.

 

[Sapphire]

If you don't hold your sugar bowls and joysticks in high regard, no one else will.

I love that. It is the perfect PG approach to it. Get people to respect themselves young and it will last. I feel like too many people these days grow up being loose and careless in their teens and it carries on in their adulthood. If you want to sleep around and live that life, that is your choice but I think most people end up regretting it after a certain age. If we respect our bodies then only respectable people will be in our lives. This is especially true for ladies.

 

[FeverPitch]

Like they've said, it all depends.
This what I do know for a fact: Waiting for sex doesn't guarantee success in a relationship.
What women should be gauging is if the man possesses a character that is worthy of going further physically and emotionally.
You gotta be upfront that you date with intent of being in a relationship.
Men generally would like to get physical as soon as possible.
Even if she's wifey material, if she's looking to get down after a few dates, most of us will not protest.
For us, sex is confirmation that a woman is into us, because some women will date just for the benefits of dating knowing they're not into the guy.

The truth is that more often than not, women's emotions are tied up in their sexuality.
Some women can enjoy casual sex with no emotional attachment, but those women are in the minority.

 

[FeverPitch]

Physical doesn't just mean sex.
You can show a man that you dig him in other ways. Nobody gets mad at a kiss.
Physical closeness. Holding his arm when you're walking. Sitting in his lap, etc.
But let's be real, it shouldn't take months on end for a grown adult to decide if they're ready for sex.
And when it happens, and it's a positive experience, that isn't a license to let your emotions throw your behavior out of whack.
Too many women destroy potential relationships by displaying obsessive and possessive behavior after sex.
Then they blame the end of the relationship on the sex itself.

With the assumption that she's emotionally stable, IMO, 6-8 weeks is the maximum I'm willing to wait if it's a woman I'm really diggin as a person.
After that, I'll assume that she's not feeling me or there's some other issue and I'll move on.
If I don't find her relationship worthy, I'm not going to press her to smash.
The ball is in her court and she'll only have 2-3 weeks maximum to make it be whatever it's gonna be.

 

[MarleyK20]

Like they've said, it all depends.
This what I do know for a fact: Waiting for sex doesn't guarantee success in a relationship.
What women should be gauging is if the man possesses a character that is worthy of going further physically and emotionally.
You gotta be upfront that you date with intent of being in a relationship.
Men generally would like to get physical as soon as possible.
Even if she's wifey material, if she's looking to get down after a few dates, most of us will not protest.
For us, sex is confirmation that a woman is into us, because some women will date just for the benefits of dating knowing they're not into the guy.

The truth is that more often than not, women's emotions are tied up in their sexuality.
Some women can enjoy casual sex with no emotional attachment, but those women are in the minority.

Very true. Can't disagree with anything you've said. If you can't play the game don't have sex is what I tell women. Men know exactly what they want from a woman the moment they see her, which is why everything about us (our energy) is so important.

 

[FeverPitch]

Very true. Can't disagree with anything you've said. If you can't play the game don't have sex is what I tell women. Men know exactly what they want from a woman the moment they see her, which is why everything about us (our energy) is so important.

Agreed. The dating game is rough. Hang back if you need to. I'd give anybody that advice.

 

[Mwbrown629]

No lying being done, after this long thirsty self imposed period of look dont touch. My systems all say , "Go Now!" My brain saying "If you dont slow your thirsty ass down you gone wake up next to sharkeisha without her lacefront and her hennesy soaked tonsils ,talkin about "hey babe!"

 

[Troy]

No lying being done, after this long thirsty self imposed period of look dont touch. My systems all say , "Go Now!" My brain saying "If you dont slow your thirsty ass down you gone wake up next to sharkeisha without her lacefront and her hennesy soaked tonsils ,talkin about "hey babe!"

You don’t even have to wake up, the post nut clarity is what’s going to get you.

 

[Mwbrown629]

 

[Troy]

But this is what she looked like to you 3 hours before when you were on your 4th rum and coke and horny AF.

 

[Maximum]

When I was seeking a relationship, I try to have a couple in person interacts with them to at least see if we get along.

 

[Maxwell]

My getting physical with any girl is highly dependent on how I feel towards her and the kind of person she is. If I noticed that she's a responsible type of person, I wouldn't rush getting into her pants but build something nice with her. But if it's those kind of girls that are only after your money, I wouldn't waste much time with her and move on right after.

 

[TeeGee]

Seriously though, I don't even keep a tab on such things, got intimate on a first date and we stuck to each other for about two years before we just had to go our separate ways, I don't really think having that kind of intimacy at any given timeframe plays any role in the longevity of a relationship.

 

[Ravenfreak]

For me I wait at least we're dating for about a month or two. My wife and I have been together since 2009, and we waited to get physical for about two months. I didn't want to force anything on her, so I waited until she was ready.

 

[The Honorable]

Seriously though, I don't even keep a tab on such things, got intimate on a first date and we stuck to each other for about two years before we just had to go our separate ways, I don't really think having that kind of intimacy at any given timeframe plays any role in the longevity of a relationship.

Well what's the longest relationship you've ever been in?

 

[Queen ChaCha]

Can you give a sista a little bit more please? I'm trying to get snatched out here I'm in my mid 30's.

One thing you might want to do is get a different profile picture. Just my opinion. Sorry if I offended you.

 

[Queen ChaCha]

It depends on the couple and what they want. For me I'm 52 I'm taking my time.

 

[Red Velvet]

One thing you might want to do is get a different profile picture. Just my opinion. Sorry if I offended you.

Why?

 

[Queen ChaCha]

Why?

Well in my opinion I think you should show your picture here. You don't know who you may run into. It is hard to explain what I mean so I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

 

[Red Velvet]

Well in my opinion I think you should show your picture here. You don't know who you may run into. It is hard to explain what I mean so I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

I’m not trying to get a man on 6ZEROS.

 

[Queen ChaCha]

I’m not trying to get a man on 6ZEROS.

okay ma'am you don't know but okay.

 

[Red Velvet]

okay ma'am you don't know but okay.

I’d go on a dating app for online dating.

 

[Queen ChaCha]

I’d go on a dating app for online dating.

 

[Queen ChaCha]

I’d go on a dating app for online dating.

Sorry I posted and didn't mean to leave it blank. Still getting used to this site. Anyhow your man could be anywhere watching you. You don't know. Please look outside the box on things.

 

[Danny]

I have never rushed anything in my life and relationships isn't off limit as well. I always love to take my time especially when it's something as sensitive as sex or love making according to some people. This have saved me from a lot of mess of not getting involved with the wrong person.

 

[Barida]

It all depends on the quality of woman:

• Wife Material: After we've built a foundation of friendship and respect. Could be 30 days or more. You don't want to put pressure here, let the relationship mature naturally.

• Not Wife Material:ASAP with as minimal investment in time and money as possible.
  • There needs to be at least one date here to make sure she isn't musty and dusty.

I am still trying to understand how to differentiate a wife material from one who isn't one. Getting intimate after a date is kinda risky for me. It doesn't matter the type of woman as I would like to know a little things about you before deciding to get down with you.

 

[TeeGee]

Well what's the longest relationship you've ever been in?

4 years is the longest amount of time I have spent in a relationship, my point is what's meant to be would be, sex or no sex on the first date.