The Cookout

[Jay]

We’re in an age where women have found a new level of autonomy which has caused us to buck many traditional gender roles e.g. subordinance, domestic duties, child rearing, etc.

So what do you think a woman’s role is in the modern world where women have grown accustom to the autonomy but want to maintain the role of male as the main provider?

Do you return to the traditional gender roles or is it a hybrid?

Ladies, if the man is willing and able to pay all the bills and provide you a comfortable life would you be willing to forgo work out of the house to tend domestic duties, child rearing, etc? @sourgrapes @lexodyssey @Caprice @Ebonyjo @sunshinenmay25 @Cassandra113364 @Red Velvet @Tati 304
@Nicole0646_718 @Harlemhottie

Men, what would you require from your woman if you’re meeting 100% of the financial obligations? @The Haze Of Our Lives @HennyPapi @TheHarmattan @Deluge @De'Londa Brice @SnakeyG

 

[Troy]

Nigga you just forgot to include me, I see how it is. But anyways I would say if I'm putting up all the chips then she definitely is going to have to be the rear echelon do what she gotta do to help me keep getting to the bag. When I get home I should have a clean place, food cooked, children taken care of, a place to clear my mind, and no problems. That doesn't mean she is my slave, I need to attend to her too but if I'm putting up all the chips, I get final say period.

 

[sourgrapes]

I mentioned this in another thread. I don't have a job because I enjoy it. I would much rather be a housewife! I don't care what people think of me. I enjoy cooking and cleaning. Heck, I even want to get into gardening and raising chickens. A lot of women I think feel this way but are too scared to admit it. If I had a partner who could support both of us and our future kids financially, I have no issue taking care of the house chores. There are always options online to get some income if I really wanted my own money still that wouldn't hinder my time spent cooking, cleaning, etc.

 

[lexodyssey]

I have always felt like everything should be equal. Meaning if the man pays the bills and supports the household financially, then it's the woman's "job" to keep the house in order, clean, and take care of the kids. If the woman is paying the bills, it's expect of the man to do the household chores. If both are equally supporting then both should contribute to the household chores.

I think being a housewife is a really important and noble role and it can really keep a family together. I personally couldn't give up working to be a housewife though. It just doesn't work for my personality so I wouldn't be happy and I think that would reflect in how I am as a wife.

But yeah, if the woman in a marriage said that she wanted her husband to take care of the bills while she stays at home, she's expected to do all of the traditional household chores.

 

[The Haze Of Our Lives]

Cooking and keeping the house clean MUST be her strong points.

 

[Stan Zero]

I honestly would be a stay at home dad if I had the chance. I have no issues with a woman being the breadwinner in the family. But, if I am paying for everything, I would at least expect my wife to take care of the household and kids. She would be the boss of the house pretty much, that's how I would see it.

And if I had a wife who paid for everything, I'd probably be the one taking care of the home. It's a new day, and women are more equal than ever, and I think our roles can easily be switched from time to time.

 

[Kanu]

Anyone else gets uncomfortable seeing men asking his partner "permission" to do things? Shit is just dumb, the man is supposed to be the head of the relationship. Unfortunately this satanic society changed the way basic things should happen.

 

[Kanu]

I honestly would be a stay at home dad if I had the chance. I have no issues with a woman being the breadwinner in the family. But, if I am paying for everything, I would at least expect my wife to take care of the household and kids. She would be the boss of the house pretty much, that's how I would see it.

And if I had a wife who paid for everything, I'd probably be the one taking care of the home. It's a new day, and women are more equal than ever, and I think our roles can easily be switched from time to time.

How old are you?
Biologically men and women are different, this whole equality talk is nonsense. Yeah it's a new day, soon you will be classified as a criminal if you refuse to suck "girl dick".

 

[TheHarmattan]

I believe in letting a woman be a woman. If she wants to work, no problem with me. There's nothing that my woman can do to make me stop being the man. We will have arguments. We will go through our differences. But if you both have love for one another, gender roles doesn't even rear it's ugly head.

 

[Jay]

Cooking and keeping the house clean MUST be her strong points.

I agree. If she can't or is unwilling to do that then she ain't the one. You can't have it both ways where you want me to pay all the bills but then want to be the modern independent "I don't need no man" type of woman.

How old are you?
Biologically men and women are different, this whole equality talk is nonsense. Yeah it's a new day, soon you will be classified as a criminal if you refuse to suck "girl dick".

This is a lot closer than you think. Remember when they got mad at Genuine for rejecting a tranny's advances/

I believe in letting a woman be a woman. If she wants to work, no problem with me. There's nothing that my woman can do to make me stop being the man. We will have arguments. We will go through our differences. But if you both have love for one another, gender roles doesn't even rear it's ugly head.

But what does "let a woman be a woman" mean? I think that's the point we are trying to get down to the bottom of. You cool with paying all the bills but when it comes time to the domestic chores its 50/50?

 

[TheHarmattan]

But what does "let a woman be a woman" mean? I think that's the point we are trying to get down to the bottom of. You cool with paying all the bills but when it comes time to the domestic chores its 50/50?

I believe it means not interfering with her ability to create a career if she chooses to. Cleaning is both of our jobs. Raising kids, keeping the lights on, etc, are both of our jobs. Keeping the bedroom "hot" is both of our jobs.

 

[Jay]

I believe it means not interfering with her ability to create a career if she chooses to. Cleaning is both of our jobs. Raising kids, keeping the lights on, etc, are both of our jobs. Keeping the bedroom "hot" is both of our jobs.

So then should be paying the bills right?

 

[TheHarmattan]

So then should be paying the bills right?

I'm not a preacher but marriage is about two becoming one. So, really, it should be, we are paying the bills.

 

[Red Velvet]

I mentioned this in another thread. I don't have a job because I enjoy it. I would much rather be a housewife! I don't care what people think of me. I enjoy cooking and cleaning. Heck, I even want to get into gardening and raising chickens. A lot of women I think feel this way but are too scared to admit it. If I had a partner who could support both of us and our future kids financially, I have no issue taking care of the house chores. There are always options online to get some income if I really wanted my own money still that wouldn't hinder my time spent cooking, cleaning, etc.

This is me to a tee. I love being a home maker, it gives me pride and joy. The reality of it is becoming more and more difficult but the thought of it doesn't make me feel limited. If my man can keep us financially in tact I'd be more than happy to pack his lunch in the morning and have dinner ready for him at night.

I have always felt like everything should be equal. Meaning if the man pays the bills and supports the household financially, then it's the woman's "job" to keep the house in order, clean, and take care of the kids. If the woman is paying the bills, it's expect of the man to do the household chores. If both are equally supporting then both should contribute to the household chores.

I think being a housewife is a really important and noble role and it can really keep a family together. I personally couldn't give up working to be a housewife though. It just doesn't work for my personality so I wouldn't be happy and I think that would reflect in how I am as a wife.

But yeah, if the woman in a marriage said that she wanted her husband to take care of the bills while she stays at home, she's expected to do all of the traditional household chores.

Reciprocity and teamwork is everything girl. I have to ask, what about being a housewife is problematic for you? I've seen you say you've ran a couple companies. Are you entreprenuerial and being a SAHM would cramp your style?

 

[sourgrapes]

This is me to a tee. I love being a home maker, it gives me pride and joy. The reality of it is becoming more and more difficult but the thought of it doesn't make me feel limited. If my man can keep us financially in tact I'd be more than happy to pack his lunch in the morning and have dinner ready for him at night.

Exactly! And I don't know if it is just me or not but I think homemakers are strong and beautiful women. They are supportive, loyal, mind their own and want to make their man happy. I know this kind of life is not for everyone but I am perfectly capable of being happy in it. I would much rather spend 4 hours a day cleaning my own home than 8 hours a day at a clinic.

 

[Caprice]

Absolutely a woman should take care of the household if the man pays all of the bills. He would do his job and I would do mine…cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children is definitely a job. I’m not sure I could live that life since I’m used to staying productive and creative but I might not mind resting for a second while my man takes care of the finances.

 

[Red Velvet]

Exactly! And I don't know if it is just me or not but I think homemakers are strong and beautiful women. They are supportive, loyal, mind their own and want to make their man happy. I know this kind of life is not for everyone but I am perfectly capable of being happy in it. I would much rather spend 4 hours a day cleaning my own home than 8 hours a day at a clinic.

Yes girl. We make a house, a home. We make husband and kids a family. We are the glue that holds everything together and it should't be discounted just because other women want to climb the corporate ladder.

 

[lexodyssey]

Reciprocity and teamwork is everything girl. I have to ask, what about being a housewife is problematic for you? I've seen you say you've ran a couple companies. Are you entreprenuerial and being a SAHM would cramp your style?

I wouldn't say cramp my style but it's just not something I've had in my plans. I am very entrepreneurial but I wouldn't let that stop me from being a SAHM mom if that's what I wanted. I think I just thrive better if I'm working. But that's just me now, maybe that'll change one day lol I'm pretty open to any path my life takes.

 

[Ubiquity]

There is a dynamic that must be established between two willing adults and it shouldn't have anything to do with historical roles based in gender. Some men are better at cooking or getting the kids together, same as some women are more mechanically inclined. If I find a man that understands my short-comings and he feels that he can pick up where I am short, then let's do that. Men always want to be the bread winner as if that defines manhood and it simply does not. If I am able to bring in more $$, it doesn't make my significant other any less value. It makes them someone with many of gifts, that has chosen to tune into certain ones for the benefit of a family unit!!

 

[Jay]

There is a dynamic that must be established between two willing adults and it shouldn't have anything to do with historical roles based in gender. Some men are better at cooking or getting the kids together, same as some women are more mechanically inclined. If I find a man that understands my short-comings and he feels that he can pick up where I am short, then let's do that. Men always want to be the bread winner as if that defines manhood and it simply does not. If I am able to bring in more $$, it doesn't make my significant other any less value. It makes them someone with many of gifts, that has chosen to tune into certain ones for the benefit of a family unit!!

This is beautiful, I love how you think…it’s about fluidity and plugging in gaps where your partner is either deficient or able to focus at. I was having a conversation @Caprice about. For me, the situation I can see the man’s income playing a huge factor is if the bills aren’t being met and he is not pushing himself to make more money to support the fam. But I feel that if the needs are being met and both partners are equally contributing I don’t see why the relationship has to south the second the woman makes more.

 

[sourgrapes]

Yes girl. We make a house, a home. We make husband and kids a family. We are the glue that holds everything together and it should't be discounted just because other women want to climb the corporate ladder.

I can't remember the name of the guy but a while back I was watching a YouTube video where this man explained that at the foundation of any healthy family is a strong woman. Everything is built off her compassion, rationality, soft hand, and nurturing. This kind of woman makes for a better man and makes for strong, independent, critical-thinking children. I don't know why motherhood and the housewife role has been tarnished by so many people and the media. Certainly, there are gold diggers and lazy women but taking them out of the equation, they have to see the value of this kind of woman in any healthy community or society.

 

[Jay]

I can't remember the name of the guy but a while back I was watching a YouTube video where this man explained that at the foundation of any healthy family is a strong woman. Everything is built off her compassion, rationality, soft hand, and nurturing. This kind of woman makes for a better man and makes for strong, independent, critical-thinking children. I don't know why motherhood and the housewife role has been tarnished by so many people and the media. Certainly, there are gold diggers and lazy women but taking them out of the equation, they have to see the value of this kind of woman in any healthy community or society.

This is straight facts and its symbiotic. A strong man should bring stability, security, comfort, and guidance into the house and that opens the pathway for the woman to shower the family with her limitless femininity that brings structure, love, nuturing, and etc into the family structure. We both need each other and we both make each other better. The masculine/feminine polarity is important and I think that's why even see same sex couple mirror this polarity.

 

[sourgrapes]

This is straight facts and its symbiotic. A strong man should bring stability, security, comfort, and guidance into the house and that opens the pathway for the woman to shower the family with her limitless femininity that brings structure, love, nuturing, and etc into the family structure. We both need each other and we both make each other better. The masculine/feminine polarity is important and I think that's why even see same sex couple mirror this polarity.

Exactly! I was going to mention this. The healthiest gay couples always have one role that is more feminine and one that is more masculine. When they are both feminine or both masculine, they will fail. I have seen it in my own social circle. You have to have a balance.

 

[vwoman75]

Woman's role is to make sure the house is clean, food is cooked, kids are well cared for.

 

[Lamont]

Woman's role is to make sure the house is clean, food is cooked, kids are well cared for.

If you do all that what do you expect from the man?

 

[vwoman75]

If you do all that what do you expect from the man?

To be there for me emotionally, physically, sexually.

 

[Lamont]

To be there for me emotionally, physically, sexually.

 

[Deluge]

I'd say you can't be a non-traditional man or woman and expect traditional outcomes. At the same time I don't believe this 1950s fantasy of women never leaving the house and being submissive domestic servants is not my tradition. My mother works and contributes financially and cooperates with (not submit to) my father, her mother did the same, and so did her mother and so on. This has been the case for the majority of women the past 200 years since neither forgoing work or avoiding raising your children was an option.
But to answer the question of what I would expect if I am putting in 100% financially it would be submission.

 

[Jay]

Woman's role is to make sure the house is clean, food is cooked, kids are well cared for.

If you d_

I'd say you can't be a non-traditional man or woman and expect traditional outcomes. At the same time I don't believe this 1950s fantasy of women never leaving the house and being submissive domestic servants is not my tradition. My mother works and contributes financially and cooperates with (not submit to) my father, her mother did the same, and so did her mother and so on. This has been the case for the majority of women the past 200 years since neither forgoing work or avoiding raising your children was an option.
But to answer the question of what I would expect if I am putting in 100% financially it would be submission.

Deluge always comes through with a thoughtful post! With the cost of living going up, the opportunity for a woman to find a man who can hold the house down financially on his own is slimming. So navigating the relationship dynamics is going to shift permanently until something changes economically.

 

[Bruh Man]

Absolutely a woman should take care of the household if the man pays all of the bills. He would do his job and I would do mine…cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children is definitely a job. I’m not sure I could live that life since I’m used to staying productive and creative but I might not mind resting for a second while my man takes care of the finances.

My type a lady, what’s up mah what you want out of Marty mar’s fridge?

 

[Ubiquity]

I'd say you can't be a non-traditional man or woman and expect traditional outcomes. At the same time I don't believe this 1950s fantasy of women never leaving the house and being submissive domestic servants is not my tradition. My mother works and contributes financially and cooperates with (not submit to) my father, her mother did the same, and so did her mother and so on. This has been the case for the majority of women the past 200 years since neither forgoing work or avoiding raising your children was an option.
But to answer the question of what I would expect if I am putting in 100% financially it would be submission.

This is exactly where I am going with this. Not many of us know about this ideal atomic family unit and it isn't very fathomable when you consider that women have goals of their own, that don't include the obvious- like motherhood, cooking and cleaning. I refuse to believe that my purpose on earth is to reproduce, cook and clean! I keep telling Brothas, I was a soul that was assigned this meat-suit and I am trying to do it some justice, but my soul is not feminine or masculine, not alpha or beta. At this current moment my soul is struggling with the brainwash going around the country, BUT a more simple mind would label me as a disgruntled black woman.

 

[The Honorable]

This is exactly where I am going with this. Not many of us know about this ideal atomic family unit and it isn't very fathomable when you consider that women have goals of their own, that don't include the obvious- like motherhood, cooking and cleaning. I refuse to believe that my purpose on earth is to reproduce, cook and clean! I keep telling Brothas, I was a soul that was assigned this meat-suit and I am trying to do it some justice, but my soul is not feminine or masculine, not alpha or beta. At this current moment my soul is struggling with the brainwash going around the country, BUT a more simple mind would label me as a disgruntled black woman.

Very fair explanation and how my relationship currently is. We have our masculine/feminine polarity but we are very fluid in that we cover each other when needed. I cook some days, she cooks the next, when she cooks I clean, and etc. I think it’s the best for us, it makes it so that we both can be in a growth mode while accomplishing domestic tasks. However, she is going to take the first two years of our child’s life off and I’m going to hold it down during that period.

 

[Ubiquity]

Very fair explanation and how my relationship currently is. We have our masculine/feminine polarity but we are very fluid in that we cover each other when needed. I cook some days, she cooks the next, when she cooks I clean, and etc. I think it’s the best for us, it makes it so that we both can be in a growth mode while accomplishing domestic tasks. However, she is going to take the first two years of our child’s life off and I’m going to hold it down during that period.

Bless her heart and bless your whole household! I really really despise these men out here listening to Kevin Samuels and the likes. At some point, if you are not aware of the foundation of our communities and homes being rocked and needing to be built over again thru partners equally contributing blood, sweat and tears; then your living a lie that will turn into a inevitable statistic. Some folk are sentimental and not realistic.

 

[The Honorable]

Bless her heart and bless your whole household! I really really despise these men out here listening to Kevin Samuels and the likes. At some point, if you are not aware of the foundation of our communities and homes being rocked and needing to be built over again thru partners equally contributing blood, sweat and tears; then your living a lie that will turn into a inevitable statistic. Some folk are sentimental and not realistic.

Yes we need to always adapt to our situation and not rest on what worked in the past or tradition. We need to be like water and fluid and that’s how my lady and I are.

 

[Lamont]

I'd say you can't be a non-traditional man or woman and expect traditional outcomes. At the same time I don't believe this 1950s fantasy of women never leaving the house and being submissive domestic servants is not my tradition. My mother works and contributes financially and cooperates with (not submit to) my father, her mother did the same, and so did her mother and so on. This has been the case for the majority of women the past 200 years since neither forgoing work or avoiding raising your children was an option.
But to answer the question of what I would expect if I am putting in 100% financially it would be submission.

Is there any acceptable scenario where you meet the financial responsibilities and she still works?

 

[Ubiquity]

Is there any acceptable scenario where you meet the financial responsibilities and she still works?

I would suggest any couple to get it that way. Gotta have an angry stash, instead of getting put out his house, watch his car get towed back to him and all things associated with him showing mercy upon your dependent arse.... Let me add that I was 7, when my parents got divorced. Although my mother had her own, I did witness and take note to the financial strain it had... on my childhood. As a grown woman, I can understand the dynamics in relationships and sometimes people get caught up in their emotions without considering all factors. Soooooo, make sure to plain for rainy days in paradise!!

 

[Lamont]

I would suggest any couple to get it that way. Gotta have an angry stash, instead of getting put out his house, watch his car get towed back to him and all things associated with him showing mercy upon your dependent arse.... Let me add that I was 7, when my parents got divorced. Although my mother had her own, I did witness and take note to the financial strain it had... on my childhood. As a grown woman, I can understand the dynamics in relationships and sometimes people get caught up in their emotions without considering all factors. Soooooo, make sure to plain for rainy days in paradise!!

I can definitely see the merits in this but it is also why the court system is so heavy handed in its approach as it ensures the woman has resources upon exit of the covenant.

But if I had a daughter I would absolutely advise her to have her own as it stops her from being trapped in the event it is time to leave. I totally concur with your assessment.

 

[Mr. Chris]

If a man pays all the bills in the house, he should get sexual access from her 24/7 no questions asked. Any real black man that has is shit together should be rewarded with unlimited amount of ass, being served a plate breakfast, lunch, & dinner. She needs to do her part in keeping the house clean, don't bring any drama in the house, and keep quiet on what goes on in the house.

 

[Blackgravity]

In movie terms, if I'm the lead actor, she's playing the supporting role.
Most females that understand this won't let pride take over and ruin something that works well. Females that understand their role in a relationship also understand that if he's winning, she's winning also.
Nature proves this very well, we are the only species that have role reversals in male female relationships. (for the majority of species)

 

[Rollie Forbes]

Nigga you just forgot to include me, I see how it is. But anyways I would say if I'm putting up all the chips then she definitely is going to have to be the rear echelon do what she gotta do to help me keep getting to the bag. When I get home I should have a clean place, food cooked, children taken care of, a place to clear my mind, and no problems. That doesn't mean she is my slave, I need to attend to her too but if I'm putting up all the chips, I get final say period.

Jay didn't include me either, bruh.

 

[GwynShivers]

We’re in an age where women have found a new level of autonomy which has caused us to buck many traditional gender roles e.g. subordinance, domestic duties, child rearing, etc.

So what do you think a woman’s role is in the modern world where women have grown accustom to the autonomy but want to maintain the role of male as the main provider?

Do you return to the traditional gender roles or is it a hybrid?

Ladies, if the man is willing and able to pay all the bills and provide you a comfortable life would you be willing to forgo work out of the house to tend domestic duties, child rearing, etc? @sourgrapes @lexodyssey @Caprice @Ebonyjo @sunshinenmay25 @Cassandra113364 @Red Velvet @Tati 304
@Nicole0646_718 @Harlemhottie

Men, what would you require from your woman if you’re meeting 100% of the financial obligations? @The Haze Of Our Lives @HennyPapi @TheHarmattan @Deluge @De'Londa Brice @SnakeyG

I can't answer for other women. I can only relay what it is in my home.
My husband & I split all bills. If the time came again where one of us had to take over for whatever reason, we'd do whatever's necessary.
Making plans & acting on other financial sources to keep our lives productive & progressing as smoothly as possible.
Communication is ALWAYS key & we know our roles, so we stay in our lane at all times.

 

[GwynShivers]

I can't answer for other women. I can only relay what it is in my home.
My husband & I split all bills. If the time came again where one of us had to take over for whatever reason, we'd do whatever's necessary.
Making plans & acting on other financial sources to keep our lives productive & progressing as smoothly as possible.
Communication is ALWAYS key & we know our roles, so we stay in our lane at all times.

Just in case there's any question about our roles: ❤🤴🏾👸🏽❤

 

[The Honorable]

I can't answer for other women. I can only relay what it is in my home.
My husband & I split all bills. If the time came again where one of us had to take over for whatever reason, we'd do whatever's necessary.
Making plans & acting on other financial sources to keep our lives productive & progressing as smoothly as possible.
Communication is ALWAYS key & we know our roles, so we stay in our lane at all times.

The key point here is communication. If you're not communicating then every single arrangement will fall through. I prefer a 70/30 split. Where I hold down 70% of the bills and my girl takes the rest.

 

[GwynShivers]

The key point here is communication. If you're not communicating then every single arrangement will fall through. I prefer a 70/30 split. Where I hold down 70% of the bills and my girl takes the rest.

My husband prefers paying all the bills, but I'm on pulling my weight, being supportive & holding down the house. I feel I'd be less than his Queen, if I didn't contribute as such. That's just how I roll, no shade on anyone else.

 

[Deleted member 884]

Maintaining the home, which in itself is a full-time job!

 

[Jay]

Maintaining the home, which in itself is a full-time job!

Especially if you have kids. That's a full time job and then some.

 

[Deleted member 884]

Yes girl. We make a house, a home. We make husband and kids a family. We are the glue that holds everything together and it should't be discounted just because other women want to climb the corporate ladder.

🙌🏾 Who is actually out here focused on taking care of their home if everybody’s working??

 

[Deleted member 884]

Especially if you have kids. That's a full time job and then some.

Some women are now maintaining a home, cooking, working full time, caring for children, and managing the home. Some men are still working and taking out the trash talking about they tired… seems imbalanced… all because old society norms based on when women stayed at home. Something has to change!

 

[Jay]

Some women are now maintaining a home, cooking, working full time, caring for children, and managing the home. Some men are still working and taking out the trash talking about they tired… seems imbalanced… all because old society norms based on when women stayed at home. Something has to change!

Any dude that is that lazy is weak. I'm raising my son to be a general of the house. He needs to know how to cook, clean, be domestic, etc and a woman coming into his life should want to take those things off his plate not be mandated. My mantra is if your woman has had a hard day why shouldn't you as the man cook her a hot meal? It shouldn't be one sided.

 

[Deleted member 884]

Any dude that is that lazy is weak. I'm raising my son to be a general of the house. He needs to know how to cook, clean, be domestic, etc and a woman coming into his life should want to take those things off his plate not be mandated. My mantra is if your woman has had a hard day why shouldn't you as the man cook her a hot meal? It shouldn't be one sided.

🖤🖤🖤